Man not asking questions on dates

[Sunshine386]

I recently went on a couple of dates with a man. He is very much the extrovert, very talkative, sees friends a lot and does different stuff. I'm more of a quieter personality, I do like doing things and sports but I'm generally more reserved.

To be honest I haven't felt particularly physically attracted to him. However, my biggest issue is that he doesn't seem to ask me questions or seem inquisitive about my life, he just talks. I don't think that he knows that much about me after two dates, I don't think he knows what I do for a living. After both dates I got messages saying how great he thought the dates went. What's your verdict on this, I just find it odd he doesn't seem curious about my life, or should I be telling him more. I can understand people not broaching personal matters, but things like your job are not personal questions

If you don't fancy him move on.

Just to add, for men who have this trait it will only get worse as they get older.

Retirement will be monologue hell.

Plus you are not attracted to him. That in itself is enough.

This is sooooo common. In my dating days, I had many dates where some man talked on and on about himself and asked me nothing. They don't improve. Let this one go.

Tell him why you don't want to see him again. Sounds like he's so self-absorbed he'll have no idea and I think he needs his ego-bubble bursting.

Eugh I met one of these. The only questions he asked were things he could answer himself eg.

Him - AdaDex have you been to the USA?
Me - yes, a few times and lived there for a while in.........
then interrupted with,
Him - when I went to the USA blah blah blah.........to infinity.

He regaled me with tall tales from his life as a croupier. After a few hours of this it came to light that it was over a decade since he'd worked in a casino.

Thankfully, alcohol numbed the pain somewhat 😐

I agree with the posters saying they're not sure what you're asking. You're not attracted to him and he showed absolutely no interest in you throughout two dates, and apparently didn't notice anything amiss.

There's nothing to wonder about here, unless you think it's compulsory to go on a third date with someone to whom you're not attracted and who has monologued through two entire dates.

The conversation sounds very superficial , as if he’s not that interested in understanding your personality / life etc. Nobody expects a full life story on date two but showing no interest at all is very self absorbed. Could he be nervous and just prattling on? If you pointed out that he’s learned virtually nothing new about you in two dates would he listen to that and realise how he comes across, perhaps? The extrovert thing is telling though. Some extroverts do think filling every pause with their own observations and commentary is ‘conversation’ when it’s really just poor quality, incessant waffle.

Two dates and you found his company tedious both times. Why would you even consider risking a third?

But yes, to answer your question. In general reciprocal interest is an unspoken expectation when people get to know one another.

When people break that rule it is disorienting. Women especially are conditioned to show interest & not to interrupt. After the event we wonder how that happened.

When we started dating, my partner was never the one to initiate contact first and never really asked me any questions about myself. Turned out, both of those things are because he's AuDHD (diagnose, unmedictetd) and he doesn't do those things with anyone. Luckily, I liked him enough to be the one putting all the ffort in and I also called him out on the lack of asking me questions a few times and it's something he now consciously works on.

That said, I knew I liked him enough to potentially overlook those things and because I knew about the AuDHD ealy on, I did a lot of reading around what was to be expected from him and how to interpet it.

However...if you're not that into this guy yet and if he's just self-absorbed as so many people are, have an honest conversation with him about why you didn't thik the dates went well for you and see if he's willing to work on those things.

"But then I was thinking, am I wrong to expect that a man should be asking me questions on a date, or should I be offering more without being asked."

No, first date maybe benefit of the doubt. Perhaps he was nervous as you say. But second date I would expect him to ask me about hobbies, what I do for a living, do I like the theatre etc. Basically getting to know me. He's a typical self absorbed bloke expecting you to listen just like mummy did. And he isn't going to change.

He knows bits and pieces that I've said, and asked me how a sports match I was involved in went. He asked a few questions on the app before we met too. But I think the question about the sports match is pretty much the only question about me as a person that he's asked me in the in person dates.

I guess the conversations I had with him seemed more like ones you might have with a friend you know very well and know a lot about, but if you're trying to date someone then people are usually more curious about learning more.

Get rid of monologue mike or whatever his name is. You've already admitted you don't even fancy him so why even waste more time?

Dear Mike

I am sorry but I have decided I can no longer see you. Your endless interest and intrusive questions about me and my life made me feel uncomfortable on our date night. Actually, it's the reverse. We are not really compatible as I am seeking some who is interested in me or at least willing to acknowledge my presence. Good look with the dates. I'm sure you'll be fine as you seem so enthralled by your own company and your conversational masturbation.

All the best, Sunshine386 (I case you don't remember my name, date last Tuesday at 8pm)

Well it went great for him, he had a polite and captive audience for his self centred monologue. He probably thought you loved hearing all about him. He sounds like a self obsessed arse. Ditch him now, while you have the chance.

I have had maybe 11 or 12 dates in past 6 months. Only 1 seemed genuinely interested in my life but they all, without exception, wanted to see me again. I am in my 60s and men of my age seem to have no self awareness or social skills.

I was listening to a podcast recently and the speaker had a similar experience. A few dates in she said the guy could stay over if he knew what she did for a living, he didn't get any and was down the road.

Sounds like a lot of men I meet. People like talking about themselves as that is the subject they know best. It’s easy for me to ask leading questions and listen. The guys that ask questions back and are genuinely interested are the most attractive.

Dump him?

This is who he is.
You could be any woman.
He thought it was great because you sat and listened to him.
Bin him.

I don’t think it’s rare for a man to have little interest in a woman but still want her company.