I actually don’t know what to think anymore as it’s been drilled into me since dd was born that I’m the problem. I am not perfect, maybe I’m messing this up. I don’t know.
In short, ex left me weeks before birth, he told me he didn’t want to know when dd was born and not to contact him about it. I put in claim for maintenance and he said dd wasn’t his. Absolutely shocked me to the core as he had never suggested this to me and there was no reason for him to think it.
Had to do the dna test. He then was forced to pay. When dd was around 14 months he met her and then turned up once a week to see her for a few hours. He’s recently been more keen to see her in the last year or so, booking annual leave and since she was 2 he’s booked a couple of holidays each year which I’ve also gone on as he’s never had Dd overnight, his choice, and I didn’t feel comfortable leaving her with someone who was almost a stranger.
She is now 4 and a year ago he took a job 5 hours away. He is obsessed with work and status at work and is very self absorbed. I explained the impact this would have on dd to move so far away, he didn’t care. Instead he travelled to see her every weekend and stayed in a premier inn. He’s been doing this for a year.
He has a lot of money and whilst I am not struggling, I’ve taken a lot of sacrifices with becoming a single mother with full care of dd. He is therefore in a stronger financial position. Because of his behaviour during my maternity leave I also spent huge amounts of savings getting through it.
We are now in a situation where he is getting increasingly demanding and cruel to me about various things. He will say things like he’s going to tell dd what I’m like when she’s older, I asked what that means and he doesn’t tell me. If I call out the fact he’s doing next to no parenting because he arrives midday on a Saturday then he tells me he’s busy with work and how dare I criticise his job and I’ve never supported him etc etc which is totally untrue, when in a relationship I did everything to support him. Even though I have a professional job too which is very demanding.
He makes comments that ‘mum doesn’t want me to come to the house’ which of course is true but when dd hears that she doesn’t understand why.
Theres lots more but I’m just totally drained by it all. I don’t think there’s a risk of him trying to get 50-50 as he is too self involved with his job and that would cause him lots of problems. But he’s obviously been pretty nasty in the past.
I am exhausted and feel taking dd out for a day at a weekend isn’t parenting. Nor is paying for a trip every so often. Am I being entitled? Is he doing his bit just in a different way?