Seven year old and school

[Newuser75]

I’m wondering if anyone has any advice.
we have a seven year old boy in year 2 at school.
for the whole time he has been at school he hasn’t loved it and never looked forward to going. He is very bright and often complained about the work being too easy despite the teachers saying they were giving him appropriate level work.
Since returning to school in January he has cried every day at drop off and is frequently upset during the day.
He takes a object from
home into school and is now going into school a little early to see if that helps but he is still upset every day.
For context, his brother is neurodivergent and we strongly suspect he is too.
The school have refused flexi schooling and we are at a loss of what to do as it is awful seeing him so upset every day (even though there are lessons at school he does enjoy).
we have requested a meeting with the sendco but what else can we/the school realistically do or do some kids just never settle at school?

Just that really. I’ve worked in primary for over a decade.

I’m no expert but some children never settle.

Most children mature and accept they have to go to school. But, I’ve seen children start reception crying and whilst we’ve worked hard with them getting through to year 6, when they start secondary it all falls apart and they end up Electively Home Educated.

Is your child on the pathway for diagnosis? It would give you more weight for school to make reasonable adjustments.

I'm so so sorry. That must be heart breaking for you @Newuser75.
Does he have many or any friends?
can he articulate what it is he doesn't like? Is he missing home? Or is it something about school? His teacher? The other kids?

Primary schools can differ a bit. Some have uniforms and are more formal. Some are more relaxed, no uniform... is it worth looking around some different ones with him near you? See if he gets a nicer feeling in a different one?

x x

It is a lovely school, very small and he has lots of friends, he is super sociable but is clingy with me and says he would rather stay at home.
We are looking into assessments for him but even if we were to go privately it would take a while and I’m not sure how much longer we should leave him as it can’t be good for him to be upset every day.
Home education is something we have looked into but like I said there are aspects of school he does enjoy and it is a huge step.

Thanks. I’m working what those adjustments may be? He has also mentioned that he doesn’t enjoy moving classrooms for his different lessons with different teachers and obviously this isn’t anything that would be able to be changed. We do look through his timetable every morning so he knows what to expect and the classroom has a visual timetable.

Not that there’s anything wrong with WFH, obvs, but one of our pupils found it very hard knowing that mum (and dad and dog in this case) both stayed in his house all day while he was sent to school.

Is it a infant or primary school? Does he receive any help at the moment (you've said you suspect neuro diversity?) Make an appointment with the senco, see what they say. There may be better adjustments they can make. If it's an infant school and hes moving on in July then make contact with the senco at the junior school now. If it's primary then they should be looking at assessment etc and you can use the 'right to choose' pathway along with starting the EHCNA process. My personal views (not a teacher but have worked in admissions/fair access for a long time) no child needs to be totally miserable every day, sometimes the school itself is a bad fit and it's time to see if he.might thrive elsewhere where perhaps they have more outdoor facilities etc

It’s a primary school he is at. We are arranging a meeting with the sendco currently.
It’s hard because he is a very sociable, well liked boy, doing exceptionally well academically, no physical/motor issues, very sporty. Just not keen to go to school!

And honestly I’m failing to see any issues with the school itself. The kids are kind, the teachers are nice, the lessons seem fun, they have access to plenty of outdoor space, do forest school. It’s a small school so not loud or busy.
(I appreciate I’m not inside the school every day like he is though).

There may well be 'triggers' that aren't obvious. Being a small school will limit what funding they have available. Even things like who drops him off in the morning might be worth thinking about. Is he able to articulate what it is he doesn't like? My ds used to find the lights in the classroom awful and gave him a headache for example

My daughter is in year 2 has been like this since year 1. She tells me that it’s boring and she’d rather be at home! For us it was worse last year but we still have bad days. I think it was mostly the jump to more sitting down and formal learning that caused it.

She also sometimes says she doesn’t feel noticed or appreciated. She is very smart and has noticed the naughty kids get more certificates etc. and thinks it’s unfair. I basically think she’s a very critical thinker and has not really brought into school as a concept so we talk a lot about all of this at home and why it’s good to go even though it’s not perfect etc.

Last year when she was crying everyday it was awful so I’m sorry you are going through it. It makes you feel terrible as a parent and like you are making poor choices or doing something wrong etc.

When she’s a bit older and more self reliant I would be very happy for her to be home educated via online learning and tutors but right now I’d rather she was at school.

ETA the other thing I find really hard is schools interpretation of events as I can tell they just don’t ‘see’ her. I think they assume she is that ‘anxious girl’ stereotype but I am really not sure that’s true.

My DD never really settled at primary, it was a small village school and I think she struggled with the lack of pool of friends. Then as she got older she also found the curriculum a bit rigid. We never had the tears and she was never unhappy but there was rarely any excitement about school. We both had to work, so I think DD accepted her fate and got on with it.

I do reget not exploring other schools but we were rural, which meant the logistics were very difficult to change schools.

She loved secondary though, found a really good group of friends and she really enjoyed the humanity subjects (always an inquisitive child!).

Thanks. That’s good to know. He has a lovely group of friends both at school and at his sports clubs.
The curriculum has been an issue as he has frequently said it is too easy and doesn’t really cover his interests.