Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Let Ex-Husband Move Back In?

27 replies

Parkerbosily · 06/03/2026 22:52

I've NC'd just because I'm not sure I want to have this looming over my other name.

Last year I found out my husband of 20 years had an affair with a workmate that was almost a year long and ended months before I found out. This workmate was a man and my husband admitted he was gay and had known he was for around 8 years. I had him leave and we split custody of our child.

We've been getting along well for the last few months or so and found that we're good as friends. But then last week out of the blue he dropped the bombshell he hopes we will get back together and asked if I'd consider letting him move back in. He said he still loves me and the feelings he has for me didn't disappear when he accepted he was gay and he still wants me even if the attraction "isn't the same"

I didn't say anything in response because I'm just in shock. The moment he came out I had accepted we were done, I didn't have any idea us as a couple was still on the table because how could it be? He still works with the man he had an affair with!

Now I'm still in the early days of this separation, he's been moved out just almost a year and I've struggled to get through this. But now I'm suddenly wondering if it would be a good idea? Which sounds bonkers I know. But I could have my old life back. The easy one where I wasn't eating alone most nights a week! Where my child's family is still together. Am I absolutely batshit to think this might be alright? Give it to me straight. I need perspective. If I asked any of my friends I think they'd kill me so I'm coming here instead!

He has also said if we werent to be romantic we could just live together for the sake of the family. But he'd want me back, he'd want us to be us again.

OP posts:
Jasonandtheargonauts · 07/03/2026 23:35

Could you see yourself dating with him living with you?

More to the point, what type of man is going to be willing to date you when you live with your husband (divorced or not)? Majority of standard, decent, emotionally healthy ones looking for true love and a committed relationship are going to run a mile in the opposite direction than risk getting caught up in a shit show with someone who maybe isn't truly available. You'll be left with the people who are emotionally a car wreck or the ones who only want a permanent casual relationship. Either of which increases the chances of them being not very nice people and far more likely to cheat on you.

BruFord · 08/03/2026 01:26

Jasonandtheargonauts · 07/03/2026 23:35

Could you see yourself dating with him living with you?

More to the point, what type of man is going to be willing to date you when you live with your husband (divorced or not)? Majority of standard, decent, emotionally healthy ones looking for true love and a committed relationship are going to run a mile in the opposite direction than risk getting caught up in a shit show with someone who maybe isn't truly available. You'll be left with the people who are emotionally a car wreck or the ones who only want a permanent casual relationship. Either of which increases the chances of them being not very nice people and far more likely to cheat on you.

I agree @Jasonandtheargonauts, him moving back in will prevent the OP from moving on with a decent partner. Think about it @Parkerbosily, would you be interested in someone still living with their ex?

I know I wouldn’t, it’s too complicated.

That might be what her ex wants, her providing his family unit and unable to move on?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page