to wonder how I raise the prospect of DP having Parkinson’s ?

[HaggisBurger]

My DP is nearly 51. We’ve been together 4.5 years just bought a house together about 6 months ago.

I guess I’m concerned he may have early Parkinson’s. He has always been prone to slightly low mood but this has become more pronounced. He’s now having anger outbursts (albeit with an understandable trigger - stuff going wrong with the house never towards me). But these are uncharacteristic of him - previously he’d have been quite chilled. But to the extent where he is full of self loathing to himself - he used the phrase to me today describing a situation “this is who I am now it seems”.

His Dad had it and it was awful. Diagnosed late due to well difficulty in getting diagnoses but also his family is quite passive about stuff.

He also does this weird twitching as he’s falling asleep. Not the one off jerk we all do occasionally when dropping off. And his sleep has recently become more and more disturbed. Both of these and an uptick in irritatabilty & anger I’ve read can be early signs. A close blood relative increases risk.

But how could I ever suggest that to him?

The thought of signing up to being the carer for someone with Parkinson’s fills me with horror. I know that’s awful. But it does.

even if he doesn’t have that - just Victor Meldrew / grumpy old man isn’t filling me with joy right now I must say. I feel awful for him too.

You need to encourage him to discuss his symptoms And change in mood with the GP.
Start by saying it could be caused by many underlying factors (low ferritin, low B12, low folate, low vitamin D for a start). He may want to avoid the dr as he may already be thinking the worst, but there are lots of easily treatable things it could be. You don’t even have to mention the Parkinson’s and could focus on the twitching. You could simply say you’ve read an article that it could be any of the above and suggest he ask the gp for blood tests to find the cause if it’s easier.

If you can’t raise this, then I’d be very worried what sort of a relationship you have, as it isn’t one I would like to be in.
if you are moving in together then nothing should be impossible to talk about.

Sit down with coffee and good cake and just tell him you see these things, so can he please book an appointment at the GP.

Low mood and anger can be symptoms of many things.

i presume you think it is Parkinson’s because of the twitches when falling asleep?

That doesn’t sound like Parkinson’s symptoms to me but, of course, everyone is different. The first sign with DH was hand tremor, although that didn’t become a major symptom and was barely a factor as things progressed. If there are problems that seem uncharacteristic I would try to articulate those and not try to find a label, despite his dad’s history. If he doesn’t want to engage, you can’t make him. DH refused and I had to have a serious tantrum in the end to get him to do anything. Good luck. Please post more or dm me as I know quite a lot about PD

It's rare for Parkinson's disease to be inherited. These 'symptoms' you are picking up on seem really vague. Twitching when falling asleep is very normal and can be exacerbated by stress and/or poor sleep. Mood changes are also symptoms of many, many, many things.

I feel like you're looking for it to be Parkinson's, without having much to go on.

From your description of his symptoms, it's a big leap to Parkinsons.

Maybe just start with trying to get him to see his GP about his new sleep problems?

I have heard that insomnia can be a parkinson's symptom. But could equally be low B12 or any number of things.

Try and get him to see his gp .

As someone who works with people with Parkinson’s I don’t think this is a big jump, the jerking in the sleep could be REM disorder, yes mood and irritability can be a symptom. Does he have any tremors, changes in the way he walks, managing small tasks like doing up buttons? I think it would warrant a conversation with the gp who can do a neurological examination and take a detailed history.

I suffered terrible myoclonic jerks at rest and at night (continual, preventing sleep and making me irritable in the day) for years. Saw a Neurologist and the first blood tests showed B12 deficiency... simple treatment and it rarely happens now!
Does he have any tremors..pill rolling motion with his fingers? Hesitancy walking? (Side note... tremors can also be benign... my dh has a severe essential tremor, which has worsened with age..he can't hold a cup of coffee and has to use a spoon rather than a fork, but it's not Parkinsons.)
I'd go down the ' how about a blood test to check for vitamin deficiencies' route to persuade him, and take it from there?

It’s quite a leap to think Parkinson’s, especially at this age, esp when so many other more likely possibilities. You could have a more gentle supportive conversation than hit him with this brick that is likely misdirected.

Depression is a more likely explanation surely. Can also affect sleep as well as the moodiness and irritability. Twitching as you go off to sleep is not REM sleep disorder as a PP suggested - that’s a different phase of sleep. Though yes disturbed sleep in general can be a symptom but it’s also a symptom of 100s of other things.

Did you live together before buying this house? If not, it is possible that you haven’t seen his whole/true personality. If this behaviour has all appeared in the last 6 months then all you can do is persuade him to visit the doctors. His symptoms could be a number of things, quite possibly not parkinsons.

Apparently (as I didn't know him at that point) my FIL went from being very cheery to being extremely bad tempered and very grumpy.

Diabetes turned out to be the problem.

I am not saying you are wrong in jumping to Parkinson's, but there are other possible explanations.

I would say that I was worried that hes exhibiting symptoms that you k ow are linked with parkinsons and if its not then it'd be your pleasure to be wrong, but if you're right then its important to be diagnosed sooner rather than later to delay the onset.
My fil has parkinsons. Much better after diagnosis and medication than before.

Thanks to everyone for the thoughtful responses.

I didn’t know about pill rolling. I’ve just looked at a video of that and he does do a thing where he rubs the side of his thumb along the side of his pointer finger - but what he does looks a little more like a soothing rubbing thing rather than a tremor. I’ll keep an eye on that.

i have seen a temor in his hands on a couple of occasions but not recently I don’t think. He’s also said he’s had some episodes of light headedness recently and I think I read that can be a thing …

But as people say there are so many things that can be symptoms of other things … and more general things such as depression and stress. He is definitely stressed with some work related things.

Getting him to see a gp (not least because he is still registered at his childhood town certainly not our current city …or the city he lived in 20 years begins that) is going to be quite the challenge.

If his father had PD, I imagine he is quite aware of the symptoms, and may well be terrified.

The symptoms could be anything, including Alzheimer’s. He needs a thorough assessment by a doctor.