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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to send Dc back to school

2 replies

Tearsandchaos · 06/03/2026 16:57

There has been a few incidents leading up to this but I can’t seem to shift the most recent one.
relevabt background DC has a “ life threatening illness “ in which staff members need to be trained incase of emergencies which includes a Hickman line in Situ.
DC has just returned to school after a critical illness where they had nearly died.
she attends a small school and they had training by the community nursing team.
due to needs and the ICU admission a in school TAC meeting was organised by the OT ( who is amazing ) about their needs and how it effects her.
there is a couple of reasonable adjustments although I wouldn’t say a huge amount but things were put in place - compared as it is already a SEN school.
mainly like - access to bathroom when needed, rest breaks.
they have 2 school buildings which are around a 10 minute walk and stairs - DC can manage this independently but they ar times have to carry their school laptop with them which makes her bag too heavy for her to carry due to her medical condition. Apart of the reasonable adjustments was staff to carry her laptop between sites.
yesterday I had collected DC early for an appointment and was in the school office has seen Mutiple members of staff who all spoke so positively about DC and their day but when DC left they had become very upset. The school know they struggle with being “ different “ and it has taken some time to build up the confidence to be able to ask for help.
the Incident was - that when they were returning to their main site from a visit to the other site DC went to hand her laptop to the TA but was informed she would not be returning with them so to hand it to the other staff who was supervising the transition.
DC went to ask the other member of staff ( Teacher ) and fo hand her laptop over.
the teacher responded that he was not carrying the laptop because she is just being “ lazy “
DC tried to advocate and explain ( not sure why they have to ) but did anyway and was then told again no I’m not carrying it, it’s not even that heavy. ( they are actually quite heavy ) and add significant it weight to her very light backpack.
She was quite embarrassed about being called Lazy as she genuinely is not. She was very upset because she then went on to tell us that this is why she never used to ask or say she day she was tired
I made contact with the senior staff and they seemed to be angry and the situation I don’t know exactly the outcome as of yet abd I’m not sure I even know what I expect them to do or say.

Just that after the most horrendous start to the year it was crushing seeing her so upset over a grown man who couldn’t understand the difference beteeen being lazy and a genuine severe disability.

I just don’t know where to go at this point, there is no other school for her and there is many incidents but then many positives about the school and overall she enjoys being with her friends and most of lessons.

OP posts:
Dandydairy · 06/03/2026 18:48

I don’t even know where to start but I am so sorry for all that your DD has been through, I think you should send her back but quite understand why you would r want to, I really hope the teacher is supported to understand the complexity of her needs and is able to apologise and make things right for her.

Endofyear · 07/03/2026 00:11

If I were you OP I'd be absolutely fucking livid! I'd want to have a meeting with that teacher so that you can point out to him very clearly how your daughter's condition affects her daily living and the reasonable adjustments that have been agreed by the school, which he should already be aware of. I'd expect him to apologise to your daughter for calling her lazy and I'd want his assurance that nothing like this will happen again.

If it would give you peace of mind, I would type out 'passport', detailing your daughter's needs and reasonable adjustments as agreed by the school, laminate it and put it in her schoolbag so she can hand it to any member of staff that doesn't know her. Tell the Headteacher that you are doing this to make sure that this situation doesn't arise again.

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