To leave my house to my children and not my husband

[Moiraroseee]

I have two children and my main priority is ensuring they are always well taken care of. I am married to a lovely man who is not their father but has been in our lives for many years (firstly as a family friend prior to our relationship). For various reasons, when we bought our family home, it was practical for me to be the only person named on the mortgage and I supplied the entire deposit. The question I have is, if I die am I able to leave the house entirely to my children? He is not named on the property (although circumstances have now changed and he could be added now) - but since we are married is the property automatically 50% his and therefore would I be unable to leave it all to my kids?

exactly - I smell something a bit fishy here

Then your post makes no sense. If he's so brilliant and supportive... surely if something went awry and he ended up inheriting, he'd pass it onto your kids anyway? Are you worried he wouldn't? In which case you need legal advice. You also need to consider who would be looking after them when they are under 18 - I presume you don't want them to stay with him?

I don’t really know why you married him, do you understand what marriage is legally? If this is your plan, it would make sense for him to buy a property for himself now, all very well saying he has a good income, but that’s not always guaranteed if you die when he’s a pensioner would he have the sums to buy a property outright?

The short answer is maybe with a really good will. More likely you need to set up a trust.

I am going through months of anxiety because my mother's boyfriend is trying to contest her will. He and his lawyers say that because he lived with her he is her dependent and has a right to her estate. It looks like we could be responsible for him for the rest of his life even though she deliberately didn't put him in her will. They were only together a couple of years.

Be very very careful and consult good lawyers.

I would update my will if I/we reach old age.

FYI my parents are in new relationships and I wouldn’t dream of counting their partners out because I wanted money. One of the reasons my mum didn’t get married was to ring fence her pension for us.

My post makes no sense? Ok….

If you’re young enough can’t you just cover them with life insurance instead? How old are you/they? Would you really want your partner to have the grief of moving when he’s lost his wife? How would you feel if it was the other way around?

You cannot possibly know for certain if his currently "brilliant income" would enable him to live independently after your death. He could lose his job and be unable to get another one. He could become permanently disabled through illness or accident. Any number of scenarios could happen that could rapidly change his perspective on whether or not he is willing to walk away from a house and home that was a marital asset that he has a claim to.

This is mainly concerned with them being looked after before adulthood

No it doesn't.

The home is considered a marital asset now as you are both living in it and contributing to it. You can make a will but it's not at all certain that it will be followed. As others have said, you need legal help with this. Once you married you basically gave away autonomy over your finances and you gambled with your childrens inheritance.

Yes indeed. As I said I’d update the will as we got older.

You don’t believe your husband would do that?!

All three of them are covered with substantial life insurance policies. I also have a 5x salary death in service benefit. So maybe it’s a small issue and I’m overthinking.

With your two high incomes it’s surprising you don’t have a financial advisor or someone helping you with estate planning. Everyone I know with your income and assets does. It would pay off many times over for you.

If he is paying half the mortgage, that does change things. I would be thinking more about in the event of divorce than death tbh.

He might earn very well now, but what happens if he becomes ill or disabled and has to stop working and earning? He might not be able to 'take care of himself' forrever.

We do have a financial advisor but not an estate planner.

Exactly. People don't seem to realise the legal implications of getting married. A lot of people seem more interested in the dress, the parties, the cake, the hen do etc than the fact that it's a legal process which affects their status, rights and assets.

My aunt has done this, she was a widow who remarried when she had grown up children.

The house was hers and her will allows for him to remain in it for a period of up to 3 years as long as he is unmarried. He can’t live there with another woman. I think there is a clause about upkeep and bills etc. All arranged with lawyers.

She is protective of her finances and keeping them for her children, and this was all discussed with her husband who is aware and agrees. He has his own independent wealth that I’d imagine he has protected for his children too.

So I would imagine it’s possible for you to do this but you must openly discuss it with your DH, it shouldn’t be a shock to him and it would be useful I suspect for you to discuss the underlying reasons too. You also need to consider the practicalities; who pays the bills, who does the upkeep, when is it sold etc.

Indeed. Someone smart enough to be a higher earner married to another high earner who they've already discussed it with and who agrees with the plan

but somehow they need to come on MN and ask

right

Is your will before or after marriage? Getting married invalidates any previous will.

Look marriage is a contract and the top of a good chain contract that by doing so invalidates a whole lot of other stuff the minute you sign it

as your husband who lives in the marital property he does have certain rights - here the fact it is only your name on it, he hasn’t lost anything due to children in terms of career progression and he earns 6 figures is all good about not being anywhere near 50/50. But yes he could have a claim

honest question why marry him if you wanted this to all be separate?

I’m sure he would…but he could meet someone else if I die. Who knows. I want to ensure.

Wow.