Do I live with an arsehole?

[Vcal2017]

I don’t know if the language will offend. I’m in a bar having a drink and I rarely drink so who knows?
My son 17 is in his last year of high school. He’s a smart kid. He’s very politically motivated. He’s very active in a high schoolers for Palestine group.
He went out last night until 10.45 with this group despite needing to be on site at school for 9. They count attendance even though he just has study periods and 1 formal class .
He doesn’t understand that I am concerned for his safety at night, or the impact on his schooling. This is a weekly thing. He turns 18 in June.
AIBU: you should be grateful he’s not doing drugs and hanging around a park.
YANBU: his results will impact the rest of his life and it’s a safety issue to be wandering the streets at 10.30 in a Black Flag t shirt.

What does the group actually do? Not particularly nice to call him an arsehole…

No but he does.

It sounds like his behaviour is absolutely fine. He comes home at 10.45 and engages with school.
At 17 this is absolutely nothing. Your anxiety about him being out late won't magically stop when he is 18 so that's more on you than him.
Is he missing school the next day?
Also not sure of the relevance of high schoolers for Palestine but that may be on me.

Wins the thread!

I don’t see a problem with the time he got home. What does he do with the group he meets up with? If they’re just aimlessly wandering the streets I wouldn’t be happy with that. But if they’re meeting to discuss and debate political issues I don’t have a problem with that. Is his once a week outside interest really having an impact on his schoolwork? Or is it that you don’t agree with his politics?

I mean I don’t agree with his politics, which would probably incur a smiling ‘that’s nice, Dear’ and 10:45 is probably later than I would like on a school night, but yes YABU as he’s engaged, enjoying his social life and passionate about making the world a better place.

Back by 11pm at 17 and has a strong sense of justice

He sounds fantastic. You sound less so.

Clearly not that smart…

Ηοw so? He sounds very smart and switched on to me.

YABU OP, I would feel very proud of his principles and self-discipline to be home at a reasonable hour. I simply can't see what your problem is.

A 17 yr old out until 10:45 when they have to be in school at 9am sounds like really a non-issue.

You’ve not mentioned any concerns around the specifics of what he’s doing (as in, what this group actually does) so I assume that isn’t a problem on its own, separate to lateness.

He's old enough to be out at 10.45 on a week night.
That is all.

I have a DD the same age with A levels in a couple of months. She's working hard for her exams, but she plays sport and gets back from training once a week at 10.30pm (plus another night at 8pm and a match at the weekend).

So I think it's fine in terms of getting back at 10.45pm once a week. I can't comment on the safety aspect though.

Going against the grain. At 17 our DS had A'Levels coming up. He didn't go out Sunday to Thursday, except for school related sport: practice and matches. Neither did his friends/social group. A few reprobates did and generally it didn't end well academically.

High schoolers for Palestine may be OK, providing it isn't fostering hate or unduly anti-semitic. I would have concerns in relation to potential extremism and undue influence to be honest.

At least he's got a good taste in music.

At that age I worked after college until 10pm so probably got home about 11pm. It really isn't any sort of a big deal!

What a bizarre thing to call your Son.

Your bright, motivated 17 yr old son goes out once a week untill 1045pm and you're calling him an arsehole.......wow 😳

I think it is quite common for teenagers to get interested in causes and religion at this age. I would be worried if it was taking over too much. What is the group that he is involved with like and what kind of thing do they do? If he and/or his friends have a connection with that part of the world and are keen to raise awareness and support, then I wouldn't be worried. If he has got in with a bunch of militant activists who are using Palestine as an excuse to be angry and aggressive I would be more concerned.

I don’t see the problem here? He’s politically engaged, which a lot of young people are not. Its not a cause I would get behind personally but he has convictions and motivation, which is more than can be said for many of his peers.

He is keeping up at school. He’s not drinking or using drugs.

Calling him an arsehole seems very harsh.

Is it just the late nights or are you concerned he is being radicalised?

Check our this if you are concerned.

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/get-help-if-youre-worried-about-someone-being-radicalised

How is he in terms of respecting rules and boundaries at home?

🙄

Give it a rest.

When my DS was 17 and doing A levels, he was working in Macdonald's until 10pm, 3 X per week. It was always gone 10.45 before he was home (on the bus).
He got his grades just fine.

High schoolers for Palestine?

Has he got links to Palestine?

Or has he just jumped on a bandwagon?

But why is he an arsehole? You haven't actually explained that.

In less than a year, he'll be an adult. He has to manage his own schedule, sleep etc. Try not to worry.