to categorically say 'No' .. my guilt complex is getting out of hand on this one ...

[Twiglett]

Oh this is so annoying .. I have a well-defined cultural guilt complex that tells me I always have to say yes when people need a favour.

DS (7)is catching up on sleep from a camp-out on Saturday and friends over Sunday and has been grumpy but is coming out of it. Tonight he has art club till 5 then comes home for an hour and a half and goes to Woodcraft ... I like that break to be really relaxed and calm

Friend A called yesterday and asked if I could pick up her son from his football club at 4.30 .. I apologised and said I couldn't but would do if she couldn't find someone else.

So she asked Friend B, who obviously said Yes but has just said to me at school drop-off "If I don't get back from my appointment in time then of course you can come and get the boys" (meaning A's son AND B's son)

And I said 'Sorry, no I won't' and she gave me a look like I was the rudest person on earth and now I feel really guilty

and it's going to ruin my farkin' morning now feeling guilty

Nope, not being unreasonable. You've already said no and that's the end of it. It sounds like you have enough on your plate this evening as it is.

semantics - you should hae said "sorry I can't"

No, she was being presumptuous = unreasonable.

I think mums need to protect their dc's quiet time tbh.

ahh but the 'sorry I won't' followed me saying to Friend B .. "Oh so you're the person who's getting him, she asked me but I can't because of blah blah blah"

If people are ude enough to ask (or just expect in this case) then you can be assertive enough to say no.
YANBU

No she's been rude. I have the same guilt complex that leaves me sitting at home with a houseful of children feeling like a mug on a regular basis

(btw I thought title said "quilt complex" and thought you had a thing about quilts - interesting, thought I)

nope no need to feel guilty. You can't do it - they should not assume you are available.

She asked - so she has a 50% chance of the answer being NO! and so needs to accept that.

She can't just assume you will go and pick both boys up - thats so rude.

YANBU and enjoy your morning

Twiglett - good for you for recognising your "problem" (which I had already noticed...).

If people are used to you being this incredibly accommodating person who always fits in with everyone else's needs, they are going to find it difficult, initially, to adjust to someone who is less flexible.

Don't feel guilty, but do (a) smile broadly when saying no (b) give your reason for not being available. (a) and (b) will make it much harder for the other person to be surprised/put out, and therefore won't give you such a (totally unjustified) guilt complex.

I actually think it's better not to explain or make excuses - "Sorry I can't" no discussion

I really feel for you, as I do exactly the same.... But NO YANBU. Enjoy your day!

I don't think YABU, you're allowed your own time and to manage it however you see fit. But I would avoid saying "I'll do it if you can't find anyone else" because to some people that's a Yes.