To be worried about what DD said?

[Dandelion1919]

My DD is 6, no diagnosis, however she is newly on the Sen register at school. Tonight she said ‘’I don’t want to be in the world. I don’t want too be real or exist.’’ I asked why she feels that way and what’s making her say that. She didn’t say much, just repeated it and mentioned something about some school work. I’m worried about this now though. Would you tell school? How would you deal with this?

I would speak to her again in the morning. IME at the end of the day when dc are tired and tearful, they can become very sad and comebout with stuff like this which they don't really mean.

My teenager is Autistic/ ADHD and would say very profound things, involving existential thinking often- pretty much like this, at age 7 onwards.

Things would sound very shocking to me. Once he was diagnosed at 9 I didn't worry so much. Saying shocking and profound things is part of the experience I now realise 😁.

My immediate reaction is not to be too concerned about this. Rather, keep checking in with your child in as calm and regulated a way you can. I notice my own son is so attuned to my responses, it can feed his behaviour both negatively and positively. That has caused problems as he has become older and it has been used to manipulate me at times I will warn !

Open conversations, asking how they feel tomorrow about this. Let them know you're there and you can do the school work together. They probs won't even remember saying it.

Calmly and very light heartedly ask - how you feel today? Give me a score out of 10? I feel about 8 out of 10 today because it's sunny.
Do you still feel like you don't want to exist today?

A conversation like the above basically. And remember to just breathe if they say I don't want to exist. People can feel like that and it then changes the next day. Autistic people, kids , can think so profoundly and deeply that it can worry you. This is typical of many ND kids I know and doesn't necessarily mean anything significant - as shocking as it can come across in a youngster.

My now ten year old used to say this at that age. I spoke to a child psychotherapist who gave me some really useful parenting techniques e.g weekly one on one special play time which really helped. He still goes a bit existential when over tired or stressed, and the techniques she gave me still work well to help him keep his feet on the ground. It’s definitely worth having some strategies to help you navigate with a child prone to these sorts of thoughts.

Thanks all. I’m wondering if to tell school, with her briefly mentioning some school work. I think she struggles with some things but doesn’t always voice it, or worries about getting it wrong

I have a child with autism and she comes out with some bizarre things. Tonight she wouldn't throw her leftover food away and got herself worked up about wasting food then pretended to "stick" herself to the cupboards so I made up a silly game which she actually enjoyed and managed to unstick her 😂

Ages 6 to 8 is when they understand death a little bit more than "not there". Pets die, grandparents die, tv characters die, and children talk to each other in the playground. Some children are told the dead person/pet goes to heaven where it's lovely but only dead people can go or dead people live amongst the twinkly stars. It's hardly surprising that they want to visit heaven or the stars rather than homework.

Both my DDs said things about not wanting to be here at that age, same as most of their class. It is very alarming at the time but it's how they figure out their place in the world. By age 8 most have moved on to wanting nicer things, age 10 it's about phones or money, aged 12 it's freedom.