Scar tissue down below!! AIBU??

[Whathappeningg]

I have scar tissue from when I had an episiotomy 12 years ago. It’s down near the opening, if that makes sense, and (tmi warning), it just kind of hangs there and I hate it. I had problems having sex after my first was born, due to pain from that area. I did somehow fall pregnant during one of these attempts and the midwives explained that it would be best to wait to repair the area after having my second. That way, if I tore or needed an episiotomy, it could all be done in one procedure.

However, I didn’t tear, so that didn’t happen. I the went to gynocology who said that it would be silly to try to remove the scar tissue as it could even result it worse scar tissue. At this point, with two young children, I gave up. And the pain during sex did subside and so things are fine.

But… I hate the appearance. I don’t know if there’s anything more I can do at this stage? I just feel embarrassed to even have it looked at again, when I’ve already shown the world and their aunt and got no further. I just wondered if anyone has any advice? AIBU to still be bothered by this?

The appearance?! How often are you looking down there?! If it doesn't affect you physically I can't see why its such an issue.

Go and push for a revision.

If you had a big clump of scar tissue hanging from your vulva, you might feel different.

Sorry - I’m going to sound totally dense here, but is a ‘revision’ the procedure of fixing it? Or is it just asking for it to be looked at again?

It's the scar tissue being removed/revised.
I'm so fed up with our bodies being botched during birth and us being expected to just accept the mutilation.

Have you thought of going private? A cosmetic surgeon might be able to give you a review and an idea how to get this resolved?

Mine never healed. I was refused revision surgery and told to “grin and bear it”. It would split if I climbed too many stairs. I tore it 9 years after giving birth and it healed slightly better afterwards - to the point I can go for walks and climb stairs without crying. However, I still can’t have any form of penetrative sex and can’t have a smear test without tearing it. Almost 16 years on it still impacts me daily and I dread what menopause will do (atrophy).

I’d swap for yours in a heartbeat.

My stitches were done by a student, overseen by a consultant. I regret that decision by me, but I’d just given birth. I’m not sure if I agreed to it ahead of time somewhere in my notes but I was certainly asked/told before it happened. Had I been older and wiser back then, I’d have said no.

I got the same line (NHS and private) about it being too risky to remove that much scar/granulated tissue, especially as I’m prone to keloid scars.

I’m so sorry!!! That’s awful. Is there any way you can complain about the decision to refuse you a revision?

Mine were done by a consultant, but she had cut downwards between the muscles instead of diagonally across the muscle. Muscles went into spasm and pulled apart, meaning the tissue could never fuse. I had Botox which helped, but was only allowed 3x which wasn’t long enough for it to heal fully. :(

Sadly this is not a viable option for me, financially. Maybe someday.

I had that! Had, as in exactly as you describe, after my next child it magically was gone.
It didn't cause pain but did hang, and I never mentioned it to midwives or anything, but after next birth, also tore, and a much better repair fixed it.
I wouldn't put up with it, I found it annoying and if needed I would also have asked for help, it's probably a very easy fix.

I definitely think you should go and speak to your GP about it. I'll probably be flamed for saying this, but I'd lie and say that it hurts and makes sex difficult. It shouldn't have to be this way, but I don't think you'll get far if it's just the appearance that bothers you. It would bother me too fwiw.

There’s no point. I had 2 private consults who agreed with the NHS that it was too risky, and now I’m in perimenopause the best they can offer is oestrogen cream and smears under general anaesthetic (won’t stop the damage but would
make it easier for them if I wasn’t tense).

Honestly this is awful, I feel for the previous posters. It’s so unfair that women get told to just get on with it. Had a surgeon tell me to be grateful for my healthy children and there was nothing to be done about my herniation. Came out of the appointment crying my eyes out. I searched for another surgeon and one kind lady consultant agreed to repair it. Keep pushing and tell the doctor how it’s affecting your life and your relationship. Keep pressing and don’t give up 💐

Hi OP, me too although further back than you/ closer to bum.

I hate it and my husband will not sleep with me anymore.

I think mine is flatter than yours from what you say, but I have also been advised not to have surgery as could get worse.

Stuff that might help-

Use an oil based moisturiser there. There is one calles Yes! That I think is olive oil based and you can get off Amazon.

See a women's health physio privately if you can afford it. Of coursw they are nor surgeons but they see a lot of this stuff and may be able to advise. Plus they do not have a financial motive to advise surgery so you can have a balanced discussion.

Do other things to make you feel good about your body. Since having my twins, who are 8 now, I have invested so much time in physical fitness. Feeling strong and toned of course does not fix ugly scars, but it makes me feel overall better and takes focus away from the things I am disappointed in, if that nakes sense.

I had to have my episiotomy redone when my first baby was a few months old - consultant did my 6 week check (difficult birth) and actually winced when he looked at the stitches. It was more comfortable after, for sure.

I did not much appreciate the local anaesthetic injections though 😬

PS, OP if you do see a physio privately they are way cheaper than surgeons, IME under £100 if cost is a factor.

I’d also say it hurt to have sex. Say what you need to say to get decent care.

A sad part of me thinks I bet a doctor listens to you if you’re essentially saying the scar poses an inconvenience to a man 🙄

I am currently looking into a private perineoplasty after an episiotomy followed by a 2nd degree tear has left me with long term discomfort. It’s shit what we’re expected to just put up with.

Sorry? Your husband won’t have sex with you? wtf? Why?

Why will your husband not sleep with you anymore?

That last paragraph just made me wince

@GOATYOAT and @misssunshine4040 I don't want to derail OP thread, was just expressing solidarity! But yes in my personal case DH has said he does not want a sex life anymore, he denies it is due to my post birth changes but the timing exactly coincides, so.....