Struggling to cope with life

[cadburyegg]

Everything in my life, there is a problem.
My house is an utter mess. My bedroom is so bad it probably needs professional help. I need a new wardrobe but everything costs money so everything is piled in other furniture.
my kids have just had their birthdays, so much Lego and I am struggling for storage space and where to display and put stuff.
I need more storage, and my 11yo needs a desk for his room but all these things take money and headspace to sort. I just don’t feel like I can cope with that atm.
my washing machine is broken but I haven’t got time to guarantee I will be in for an appointment so I haven’t managed to get it fixed. Fortunately my mum is doing some washing.
my children are struggling with the transition from coming back from their dads on his weekend and I just find it so hard coping with their behaviour which is awful for about 24h after. I’ve just said to my 11yo no pocket money until his behaviour improves.
my kitchen is falling apart and needs replacing.
I want to get back to doing exercise but I have so little free time.
my 11yo has SATS approaching and is stressed about that, he needs to be doing extra work, but it’s such a struggle to get him to do it.
I work nearly full time, hybrid, and just struggling to concentrate without bursting into tears all the time.

I am just really struggling and overwhelmed atm, please be kind. I don’t know what I am asking I just feel all alone and overwhelmed and I don’t know where to start to improve things.

You sound so overwhelmed, so firstly I'm just sending you a big dose of love as it sounds like you are doing your best under difficult circumstances.

I think the best way forward is to break down everything that needs doing into steps. What is the first priority? Probably the washing machine, followed by the desk for your child and then tackling your bedroom and finally the kitchen?

So the washing machine - I managed to fix mine by going online and looking at YouTube tutorials. Turned out that a rogue hair clip had stuffed it up. Was a bit fiddly to do, but completely free of charge and a good sense of achievement at the end. Do you know what the fault is? If it's a drainage issue then you most likely can fix it yourself.

In terms of the desk, does your local amenity tip/recycling centre have a 'shop'? Ours does, it basically recycles furniture and electronics that people would otherwise dump and it's cheap as chips. Equally there are free options on Gumtree and Facebook marketplace - have you had a look on there?

The bedroom and kitchen might have to wait for a while, but you can definitely sort out some exercise in the meantime. Even going for a walk once a day can help - in your lunch hour at work perhaps? Just being outside really and truly helps. You don't need to train for a marathon, just get some fresh air and get those muscles moving.

I really do sympathise, you sound like things have got on top of you because you're having to cope alone and no one could ever blame you for that. Life can be really hard at times. But as I say, little steps are the way forward, because that way you're also not putting yourself under additional pressure to get everything sorted all at the same time.

You sound completely overwhelmed.

Time to take a breath. You have two kids, you have a home and you have a job. You are all getting fed and are all clean. You are all healthy. Please give yourself some credit for all of these things.

Firstly what is it that you would really like someone to suggest that you do? I always feel we often know what we need or want but we feel we have to get permission.

Many many people struggle with their homes and stuff. It gets all out of control easily. Is there ANY bit of your living space you are happy with.

Also a broken washing machine in a family home is a nightmare. Can you get someone to look at it? There are often handyman people in the area who will
fix them which is the cheapest option.

You will absolutely get through this.

Op can you get an alternative to a wardrobe for the moment? So a clothes rack thingy and those plastic storage drawers? For the Lego just get boxes from your local shop, that will do for the moment.

Maybe a bit of professional help might actually help? A cleaner for two hours to do the place you can’t imagine doing the most?

Hugs, when our washing machine was broken that was the straw that broke the camels back for me too. Our house sounds the same btw x

Ps do something fun with the kids to take their minds off so board game night or hot chocolate and a movie x

Could you go off sick for a week or two? Spend some time sorting the house and getting the washer fixed, ask your mum for some support and a trip to the gp to see if you need some help?

It feels rubbish when life gets overwhelming like that. The only thing that fixes it for me is to go outside, get in touch with nature or have a walk or something. Then take care of myself. You aren't going to be productive in this state of mind so maybe just embrace watching a film or a box set tonight. Get out for a quick walk if you can, even if it's just a lap or two around the block.

Then put all your troubles in a list.....so they won't be in your head. For each thing you can have a think about realistic expectations for a solution. Or maybe think what the short term fix is vs the long term goal.

For example, short term fix your dm is doing some washing. Long term, identify a date when you can arrange a repair. For the storage, have you got a loft where you can temporarily put some of the clutter in free boxes from the supermarket just to make a bit of breathing space.

By the way....can you figure out what's wrong with the washing machine? E.g is there an error code or is it making a funny noise? I have a long history of knackering washing machines and know pretty much every fix there is....and also when it is beyond repair. High pitched squeezing means it needs new brushes - these are 't brushes all. Concrete dust coming out of it means it isn't dead. Water not draining means either a kink in the drain hose or blockage in the filter.

You can't fix it all today but you can look after yourself.

Will you do something for me? Grab a bin and go around your house and chuck 10 things into it. Not difficult things that steeas you out throwing away but 10 easy things. The chocolate bar on the sofa. The grubby tissues on the bedroom floor etc. Just 10.

If you can do this every day then your house will slowly get a little bit better. But start today. Just 10. I will go and do it in my chaotic disaster zone (house!) too.

You sound burnt out! I took a few weeks signed off by dr to help get my house (and therefore my head) sorted. I did also use antidepressants as the overwhelm a
had gotten so bad. I reached out to family to help where possible (do laundry, cleaning, baby sitting, cooking for us). I hope you get support and things start looking up for you. Sending love.

I agree with pps OP, you sound totally burnt out. I don’t think it would be unreasonable to get signed off for a while to sort out the things you can’t face atm and allow your mental health to recover. Hope things get better soon x

I needed a desk during covid and wfh. I went to the local council recycling store and picked up a pine table, perfect size for £20 + £15 delivery.
For lego, sew colourful drawstring bags and hang them on hooks.
But before all of that, wait until the dcs are at school, then take a deep breath and go for a long walk somewhere green.
Make a calm list and do one thing at a time.
Don't expect too much of yourself. xx

If you and your children are living in the squslor you describe...get offf your phone and spend an hour doing something it.

Be a bit more empathetic. The OP sounds overwhelmed and is probaby trying her very best.

Not helpful.

the biggest thing @cadburyegg when you are overwhelmed, is the paralysis.

You just cannot see a way out of it all.

There seem to be so many things to prioritise, choose just one.

It surely must be your children, before everything, yes, even repairing your washing machine.

Stop, breathe, kindness costs absolutely nothing, don't make them feel rubbish just because you do, it's so easy to lash out when you are struggling, it is not their fault.

They will not remember that the washing machine was broken, that extra storage in the house would have been useful, that their kitchen was falling apart, that their Mum didn't exercise, will they?

They will remember though how you made them feel, start there, the most important action you can easily address in your flood of overwhelm.

Also, so important, for you @cadburyegg, do try to be kind to yourself, this too shall pass. 🌸

Start with something small, OP.

I suspect your messy bedroom will be affecting your sleep quality and generally making you miserable. Could you afford a few large stackable storage boxes to put your stuff in for now, while you save for a wardrobe? Or even some banana boxes from a supermarket? It sounds like your mum is helpful. Could you store a couple of boxes at hers for a bit?

Bloody hell Enyastar are you having a bad day or something. Nothing she has written indicates she's living in squalor. Cadburyegg we hear you and it sounds like you are overwhelmed with life. This happens to us all at some point. Take small steps , do the basics then get on the settee with the kids for a programme and a cuddle.

Proper dickhead comment right there. Do you feel better now?

I appreciate your heart is in the right place but there’s absolutely no way I have the time to sew drawstring bags. I barely have time to shower some days.