11 year old birthday phone

[Anon9898]

It was my son's birthday yesterday he turned 11. His grandparents brought him a mobile phone. He is on year 6 but we have chosen home school for September (his choice) so won't need it for commuting to school. He will stay in touch with his classmates via email. I just think 11 is too young.

Plus no one asked me or his dad before it was gifted. I expressed concern to DH and all I got was oh we told him we would buy him one at 11.

I wouldn't mind but he has a laptop which has the same apps as a phone. I just don't think 11 is the correct age.

Am I being unreasonable

We got our 11yo a Pinwheel phone by android. Look into it. It's super safe.

GPs shouldn't have bought phone without asking. That's not their call.

I’d ask them to return it. When he gets a phone, it needs to be one of your choosing that you can easily manage the parental control features from your phones. Not some random phone grandparents bought off Amazon. I’d say he’d love a gift card or a day out treat instead if they want to replace it with something else.

I really would not rely on his classmates keeping in touch via email, especially when most of them will be getting smartphones for secondary soon.

I would either lock down the phone from the grandparents, or get them to return it and choose one you're happy with.

I definitely wouldn’t keep it. I’d switch to a flip phone where apps can’t be downloaded, or one of those newer types (like a Balence phone) that doesn’t allow app downloads or social media.

Calling and texting aren’t really the issue for me : I’m more concerned about social media.There’s no way I would give a smartphone to an 11 year old.

He will almost certainly not keep in touch via email, it’s very outdated these days for general social communication. His peers will be moving to WhatsApp, or similar, if they haven’t already. He’ll lose touch, I’m afraid, given the decision to home educate (no judgement on that!) without a better plan.
with that being said, the grandparents absolutely shouldn’t have decided to buy a phone for him without you saying so, it isn’t their call to make! It is, however, a done thing now so as above, either look into locking it right down or switching it out with a safer model, if you’re not happy with the one they bought. I’d be very annoyed indeed! Has there been discussion about phones between you and the grandparents already?

If you have allowed an 11 year old child to “choose” home schooling then you should allow him the phone. You can’t let him make his own decisions in one respect then treat him like a child in others. Email is antiquated for kids these days - everyone has apps / WhatsApp / phones

We are in London and all schools around us have started to ban smart phones for Years 5, 6, 7, both primaries and secondaries. My daughter’s high school is now doing a consultation to ban them until Year 9. Parents have bought “dumb” phones like Nokia so the kids can call or message if needed as most are walking home after school. Since the change came a bit late for our kids (my daughter is Year 7 now, but got a phone in Year 6 when she started walking home), they all already have smart phones at home that they don’t bring to school. I think if the ban had come earlier in our area, we would not have bought a smart phone and everyone would have been on an even playing field. It’s hard when all other kids already have a smart phone and use it to communicate meet ups, play dates, birthday invites, etc. The fact is that the main means of communication is via WhatsApp, nobody emails and most kids don’t have email accounts. I would assess if you want/need your son to be able to keep in touch with his friends or not. It’s great that the direction of travel is to delay smart phones and the ban on schools is a great thing, it just came too late for our eldest. For us, we don’t want her to feel socially isolated from her friends which is what has happened with some of the kids that never got a smart phone. They miss out on the meet ups and the invites to go to the park. Our daughter doesn’t have any social media accounts and we can monitor what apps are downloaded, she can’t do it without our permission. She mainly uses it for WhatsApp with her friends.

But all of this is your call as parents and you should ignore the grandparents’ wishes completely, you need to do what you think is right for your child.

None of his friends are going to stay in touch via email.

What phone is it? If a brick then you’re pretty fine, if a smart phone then learn about parental controls and implement them.

Agree ground rules with him, time limits, what apps he’s allowed (no social media including WhatsApp is a good starting point), not in his room overnight etc.

I would be somewhat cheesed off the gps didn’t ask but would have got him one myself.

Other 11 year olds will have phones, they won’t be writing emails for long so if you don’t let your son have a phone, he’s likely to not be in contact with friends and lose them.

The grandparents should have spoken to you, but it seems you had said you’d buy him one when he was 11 so I dont think this needs to be a big issue. Just them the GPs to check things like this with you in future and obviously put safety measure in place with your son and the phone.

I’d be fuming if grandparents bought an item like that

one of my sons is turning 11 this summer and no way will he be getting a phone !
your decision not the grandparents-return it and your son can have the cash ?

Is this typical behaviour from them?

Yanbu. Totally unreasonable of the gp to buy a phone without your consent.

We started with a Nokia brick when DS went to secondary. I was fully adamant that he was not getting a smart phone.

I am usually very much of im your parent, you follow my rules thinking.

But...

He was being left out of most things. Kids dont have credit to send messages to a dumb phone but have free WiFi to send WhatsApps.

There are no phones allowed in his school at all, but they can use them travelling. At times he needed to check google classroom quickly to find out if a rugby match etc was on that day, then which location to travel to. Sometimes they would be called off for weather etc.

So now he has a smartphone, but its very locked down, I look at it all the time and he doesn't have it at night.

I also know my son so atm I can trust him. I dont expect that this will always be the case, teenagers are idiots.

But if your son will already be separate from his peers and friends by being homeschooled then I would let him have a smartphone.

The fact that GP bought it without your permission is definitely wrong and you need to reaffirm your boundaries with them.

GPS shouldn’t be buying phones without parents permission, that’s not really their call.

Also agree that he needs WhatsApp or basic text messaging to keep in touch. Teenagers won’t be emailing. I also feel, unless he does any out of school activities with these kids, the friendship will inevitably wane. They’ll be moving on without him as their lives in school and revolving around school related issues will be very different to his at home. It’s a bit like when year 7 kids all move on to different secondary schools, they make new friends within their own schools and the friendships with kids at different schools quite often ends by year 8.

No, his classmates will not be keeping in touch via email. Where did you get that daft idea from?