I think my piano teacher hates teaching me

[MankySnottyNose]

I’ve been doing piano lessons since Christmas. I’m 45 and my memory is turning to mush - I find it so difficult to remember stuff. I’m practicing daily but when it comes to my lesson you would think it was my first time seeing a piano.

I had a lesson yesterday and when I arrived he looked fed up but polite. He’s always patient but I’m pretty good at reading body language and I can tell he’s getting frustrated and fed up despite him trying hard to hide it.

I really want to learn and I don’t want to give up but I’m starting to feel like I’m stressing this guy out. I live in a village with no transport so finding another teacher isn’t an option plus I don’t think it’s him, it’s me. Starting to feel like a bit of a thicko 😞 why can’t I grasp it??

Just to add I tried to learn the guitar for 2 years once - could never grasp it but I’m DESPERATE to learn piano, it’s a life long goal.

Get a better teacher! I don't think this one is for you. Don't give up though.

Have you spoken to him OP?

I’m not sure what the question is.

It’s hard learning a skill in later life. But he’s not being a very good teacher if he’s betraying irritation. As long as he’s continuing to take your money, you’ve no reason to feel guilty about how bad you are. That’s his job.

Do you think he likes you? Might it help to open up more about how hard you’re trying and how much you want to learn?

You've only been doing it a few months, give yourself some grace! It's not easy learning a new skill, and piano is difficult. I'd try to have a chat with him first, but if he actually is getting frustrated that's pretty poor from him, especially after such a short time. Don't be so hard on yourself.

I use the app simply piano it is brilliant, about £60 a year I think, I am 55!

Have you got a keyboard or piano at home?
Do you practice?
Could you ask to record the session because you forget a lot of the points he makes?
There are apps that can help you practice on the tablet etc including sight reading, note identification etc

Good luck, it is hard to learn anything after about 30 so don't be down hearted, keep going. It'll be worth it in the end.

PS You're paying him, you're a customer! So just keep going and paying him, everyone's happy

As others have said, it is his job to teach you, when you speak about how much you practice and how hard you find it does he understand/respond supportively?
if not maybe look for alternate teachers?
on a side note, I’m planning to start learning keyboard/piano soon too! Complete beginner

I told him I’m struggling to remember what the notes are on the paper, he gave me some strategies to remember them but it’s like in one ear and out of the other with me.

I’ve always found it difficult to learn from instruction, I’m a doer rather than a listener but I’m really trying, it’s like my brain just won’t engage.

Yeah he’s actually really nice, he says I’m doing well and have made brilliant progress but when I’m playing note after note wrong and then blanking out completely because I’m getting anxious it doesn’t feel like it 😞

So it’s reading the music you’re struggling with? There are apps to help you practice that. Or write out a key with him so you can practice reading music as home and then check your guesses against the key

I’ve got a piano and am practicing multiple times a day but my muscle memory is brilliant - so good that when I learn a song in the book perfectly I feel like I’m getting somewhere until he points to a part in the middle and asks me to start from there and I realise I can’t read the notes at all, I’m simply learning from sound and muscle memory

Hmmm. It sounds like he’s not the teacher for you, it if you are stuck due to your location, worth persevering for a while.

As you’re only a couple of years younger than me, if your childhood experiences were similar to mine, this is a great website - all the assembly hymns arranged for easy piano. Gave me a really happy afternoon plonking away badly, one day when I had an empty house. https://easypianoteacher.com/easy-piano-hymns/

I’ve been learning piano for 2.5 years and I often feel rubbish about my development. I’m 46 and take online lessons and it’s slow going, but I’m getting there! You will too if you keep going.

Are you nervous about your performance or abilities and projecting this discomfort onto your tutor? Or perhaps you’re on the money and he may be frustrated or fed up, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you are the source of these feelings. If you are not enjoying the lessons go elsewhere instead of giving up entirely. A better teacher will make all the difference to your confidence and enjoyment.

To be fair, even someone at Grade 8 level can struggle with starting a piece at a random point. Are you sure you're not being too hard on yourself?

I think using music theory apps might be worth a try, but you could also try another teacher who is less focused on sheet music and focus on actual piano playing (and maybe improvisation!) instead. There was a great jazz piano teacher in my school who was great for kids who didn't want to learn from a book. You could ask your current teacher if he could also accommodate this style of learning if there aren't any alternatives in your area and if it is too soon for you to learn purely online

Maybe you're like me. I don't play piano, but played clarinet as a teen and now enjoy finding and memorising melodies on the hammered dulcimer. I've had no formal lessons, just watched a few videos on YouTube and started playing by ear. I did learn to read music for clarinet, long ago, but even then preferred to play by ear. If you're determined to read music, I am sure you can, but it may not come as naturally to you as playing by ear does.

Surely teaching music means dealing with beginners, so try not to worry about your teacher. He's being paid for his time, after all.

Flashcards or an app are going to be your answer here I think. You probably aren’t going to learn them from just playing because of the muscle memory thing.

Start with just a couple of notes in each clef. Shuffle and run through them a couple of times a day. If you get one wrong don’t put it to the back put it behind the front card so it comes up again quickly. At least once a day I would shuffle them, name it and then play the note. Once you are confident add another couple in.

A really basic sight reading book might work too. Could use ‘A dozen a day’ mini book (the pink one) for that or if you don’t mind it being aimed at kids rather than adults piano adventures primer level sight reading book starts with just middle c in treble clef and works from there.

being able to start from the middle of a piece is not an easy skill for a beginner. It does take practice.

You sound like me OP. I still haven't got the very high and low notes of the piano down and been playing years! I failed my grade 5 piano. The only time I can play anything without mistakes is from total muscle memory. I don't read very well-am short-sighted and even though my glasses are corrected to account for this I still feel at a bit of a disadvantage and like I struggle to read the notes. I think if I'd just memorised the piano pieces for my exam instead I would've aced the test but didn't think to do that at the time. Funnily enough I always did ok at sight-reading, no idea how!

Also with how much else there is to concentrate on like dynamics and feeling, it was too much for me to try so hard to read the notes as well.

There are so many brill musicians out there that don't even know how to read music or know any theory!

I play to a pretty good standard and have been playing since I was very young so I read music but I'm pretty reliant on the music (this is more due to anxiety than anything else I think because I can't play with others around). However, a close family member is brilliant at learning by ear or using apps but can't read music at all. You might just need a different approach.

Ok, a couple of suggestions.

For remembering the notes: make yourself some flash cards with the stave and notes on one side and the letter on the back. Bass and treble clef. Then keep them round the house and keep flipping them over to help the notes stick in your memory - you can do a bit of a refresher while you're waiting for the kettle to boil for example.

For not being able to start from a random place in the piece: you've identified it's an issue in your lesson, so try and weave that into your practice - ie don't always start from the beginning of the piece when you practice. In fact, starting from the beginning often isn't the best way of practicing anyway - you should be picking out the tricky sections and focussing on those, then when you have them sussed you incorporate them into the piece as a whole. Maybe ask your teacher for practice techniques - or if he's not being helpful there are loads of youtube videos with tips on generally how to get the most out of your practice, and also on specific techniques for breaking down difficult passages.

Good luck, and stick with it!

If it’s learning the notes that you’re struggling with, have you tried the music course on Duolingo? I’ve been surprised at how good it is. My son has learned to read music from it really quickly from having zero previous knowledge (or interest!). It teaches a fair bit of musicality too.

It sounds as if you're not lacking in ability - being able to learn by a combination of playing by ear and muscle memory isn't something everyone can do. But learning to read musical notation for the first time in adulthood is really challenging. The Open University has a free OpenLearn Introduction to Music Theory course that it might be worth investigating An introduction to music theory | OpenLearn - Open University It doesn't assume any prior knowledge.

The Duolingo music course, previously mentioned, is also worth a look.

It's also important to cut yourself lots of slack for playing as if you've never seen the piece before when you have to play it with your teacher present. When practising, it's quite common for the first attempt at even a familiar piece to be a bit wobbly, and when you're asked to play in a lesson it's ALWAYS going to be that wobbly first attempt that you're displaying. And that's apart from the effects of performance anxiety, which is very common.

It's possible, as others have said, that this teacher's methods don't work for you and it may be that a different teacher or an online resource would suit you better. If he's the only face to face teacher available to you, though, it would be worth having a conversation and making sure he understands your learning style and isn't working on assumptions based on what has suited other students.

This is common.

Honestly piano is so hard.

From your updates it sounds like he’s not too bad and you’re projecting your own worry onto him! Maybe he should be more openly encouraging but also a lot of the time it’s better teaching to say less and to let the student process things themselves. So maybe while he’s waiting and there’s an awkward silence, that’s where you’re thinking he’s pissed off?

Given we can only help ourselves, try these things:

Notebook - write down things you’ll forget and every less write down clearly what you need to practise

Do some theory/paperwork to get your working memory as good as your muscle memory

Make yourself practise a section looking into the distance not the keys

Make yourself practise chunks starting from the middle of the piece

Practise scales - honestly helps fluency so much.

Make sure you’re learning things you want to learn.

Studies can be fun - they focus on a skill but sound like a ‘real piece’, so it’s more satisfying.

Chords - is he teaching you chords? Are you interested? If so you can play chords along with the track so again a bit more satisfying and a bit more variation.

Im sure he doesn’t hate you!

Personally, I don’t love the Duolingo course. Worth trying to see if it works for you. If it works great, but if it doesn’t don’t worry that it’s you. It’s probably a personal preference thing.

That's so normal!
My daughter is learning and is doing a Gr4 exam soon.
She will also take about ten secs to work out what she's supposed to be playing if I ask her to start mid piece.
I am also a piano player and wind player and it's so so common.

It sounds like you're doing well!

Definitely try the flash cards and simply music, or there's an app called Note Rush (about £6) that can help with note recognition, it's got games you can test yourself with.

Just keep going, practice little and often and try to enjoy it. 😊