To think DH needs to be the bad guy sometimes?

[Stellalala]

We have a DS with a 'mild' disability - it's classed as mild but there are a few interventions we need to keep on top of daily plus fairly regular appointments with different health professionals. DS hates some of these things and gets upset with us, which is really difficult, but on the whole we manage.

We have been slipping a bit recently with everything we need to do for DS, and if I'm being honest it's just highlighted to me that if I'm not the one on top of things, DH won't deal with it. I mentioned earlier that we need to get back on track and DH said I know, I try to but DS doesn't like it so I've just stopped trying.

Even everyday things, he will ask DS if he wants to get his toothbrush for example, or wants Dad to get him dressed? Of course DS says no then DH gets a bit huffy and leaves it. DH is a good dad but I feel like he really struggles to set boundaries or be assertive with DS. I don't want to be the bad guy all the time but I don't think it would be fair on DS to just let everything slide in the fear that it might upset him?

I feel quite annoyed by his attitude and don't know if I'm being unreasonable? It's horrible to have to upset DS every day with things he doesn't like but it's related to his health. I can kind of sympathise with DH on that, but the regular day to day stuff I don't really get - I feel like DH wants to be his best bud and never upset him. If I am BU, any advise for me and how I should be looking at this differently?

Sounds like he just need to communicate better with his child. You don't ask a child if you can get them dressed or brush their teeth as they'll just say no and it'll become a battle. He's not getting push back, he's just not phrasing it right.

My husband does similar things, he asked for his phone back tonight and DS said no. I ended up getting it back for him.

Would he read a parenting book perhaps? I've heard good things about How to Talk so little Kids will Listen?

I agree with PP that he needs to consider his words. A parenting book is a good shout. He is inciting trouble by asking these questions.

@ThatMintMember @Scarydinosaurs I'm not sure how to suggest a book to him without sounding like I'm criticising. I have occasionally suggested a different way to approach things but he either gets huffy with me or defensive. Btw just to say that I know I am far from the perfect parent either, this is just one particular thing that I find hard when it comes to parenting together.

Just tell him that no one is a perfect parent and that you aren't criticising him but you want to help. If you aren't willing to say this to him for fear of upsetting him then that's just the same as him not wanting to upset your son.

Me and my DH regularly tell eachother if we think we didn't handle something well or if we think the other should have done something differently. It's not criticism, we both want the best for our child so why accept something you aren't happy with. If something he does leads to upset then there's nothing wrong with talking about it to find a solution.

The alternative is that you just read the book and tell him about what you learn!