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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I tell them

5 replies

itssquandry · 03/03/2026 21:23

Nc for this, blended family, moved in with step dad and his children at the age of 4, his children a lot older, say 14-22 years old, was a challenge, I was always just his girlfriends daughter, fast forward 44 years to where I am now

older SB 14 years older, tried to kiss me at dads (his dad my sd) 60th birthday, his wife walked in and disturbed him, just as I was crying saying they didn’t think of me as a sister, I was early 20s. I had had a drink but remember it clear ad day

few weeks later at dads retirement do, he was sat rubbing my leg under the table and paid for me a room at the hotel where the do was, I didn’t stay in that room, let my other SS have it, I didn’t know if he was going to turn up, stayed in someone else’s room

ive distanced this man from my life, over the few years after, whenever I went over with boyfriend or after that husband, snide remarks, muttering under breath, not seen him in 13 years, rest of family think sun shines out of his arse

i did try and tell my mum and SD once and it was dismissed, oh ‘it’s quandary’ is looking for attention or she’s had a bottle of wine again, I have adhd and some trauma and I’m struggling with wine because it’s the only way I can block shit out, I’m working on it, at the time of this happening, I drank maybe once twice a week

Anyway there’s dementia stuff going on with parents and he’s getting more involved (from a distance he lives miles away) but I want to scream at my Step brothers and sisters what he did and I don’t know if I should?

I know it’s a long post and thank you for anyone who is still with me here but I want to tell them that the brother they think the sun shines his arse , but then should I leave it to keep the peace? I really do not want anything to do with him

OP posts:
tarheelbaby · 03/03/2026 21:29

Your experience with your SB sounds horrible. Is he looking after his dad/your mum well? How do your other S sibs feel about him?
Can you maintain contact with your mum whilst avoiding him?
Will he look after his dad and your mum equally? Which (or both?) of them is slipping into dementia?

itssquandry · 03/03/2026 22:06

He’s ’advising from a distance financially to my SS’, he’s very successful and they all think the sun shines out his arse

no personal care, that’s down to me, SS takes DSF out and expects me to go over and babysit mum whenever

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 03/03/2026 22:14

You are doing personal care for your step father but his own children aren’t?? I’d stop that.

itssquandry · 04/03/2026 22:02

Do I tell them? My brother from my mum and step dads relationship I am quite close to, it’s been me and him for a long time, I just don’t know whether to open this Pandora’s box and be accused from step side of family of fabricating this, it’s not a fabrication, he’s made me
distance myself for many years because I don’t want to see him, I’ve been unexpectedly invited to a family event after not being invited to anything for 20
years, I can’t go, there will be alcohol involved and I won’t be able to keep it in,I have adhd and, well, I can’t keep anything in

OP posts:
GirlWednesday · 05/03/2026 13:05

I would leave well alone and continue to maintain a healthy distance from him.

It sounds like your family don’t need any additional stress so I can’t see what good would come from telling them especially if you suspect people will take his side. If they doubt you and think you’re just causing trouble, it will likely just make you feel worse about yourself.

Just know that you’re the better person and you don’t need anything from him.

Staying away from the party is a good idea if you’re likely to say things that could cause upset for people (including you).

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