Do you ever get self conscious in bigger groups of people? Or around new people?

[Advice5]

This happens to me I don't know why. I was in a work meeting today and I find I become self conscious about what people may be thinking of me, I want to say the right thing, I think about what I look like also etc. To know me people would think I'm bubbly and confident and appearance wise I am put together I would say and I don't think I am unattractive generally. But I don't feel that confident around bigger groups of people or around new people. I sometimes find i am comparing myself to others around me too. Is this normal? Does anyone else experience this? How do you manage it? Any tips to overcome this feeling? I want to be more outward focused in social situations, not focusing as much on myself and how I am coming across.

I get this when speaking to young people, I think it's the lack of feedback in terms of facial expressions or signs of agreeableness (nods, "mm" type sounds, eye contact etc..)

I tend to look at their foreheads instead. 😁

Yes, I do! But I am naturally reserved, introverted and also autistic and prefer to spend my time quietly, in quiet places, doing quiet things, usually with no more than one or two quiet people who enjoy the same things as me! And that is absolutely fine and I don't try to 'manage' it or care what others think.

Ugh this is me down to a T. Following for advice on how to overcome it cos its a nightmare. People describe me as bubbly etc too, yet when im in a large group of new people I just shut down. Im just so worried about what they think, what I look like, etc etc. I get so anxious i often just choke up and go silent. Also if left alone to talk to a new person I feel like I constantly have to carry / force conversation and dont shut up. Really wish schools taught lessons on how to act normal cos I definitely would of benefitted from that class 🫣

I agree I wish they did teach these skills at school. I do the same if left talking to a new person, I end up chatting away maybe this is to try and compensate for my concerns of how I am being judged/how I come across. Maybe this is why I would be seen to be bubbly and confident. Sometimes I even worry about being seen as boring! On paper this all sounds ridiculous when reading it back but I feel it is holding me back in life and i can't seem to help it :( at the meeting today someone was looking at me and I told myself to calm down, but I felt there was a side of me inside which tried to hold on to that as if it's an issue!

I think almost everyone feels like this, don't they?

I am self conscious in small groups, big groups, with new people and with people I've known for years. I am constantly checking and monitoring myself. My mind is like this.

"I've not said anything for ages, everyone will think I'm too quiet. Try and say something now. Here's my chance, oh no I missed it. Oh I can't say anything now, I don't know what they're talking about. I am so much less knowledgeable than everyone here, if I don't talk they won't realise, but if I don't talk they'll think I'm weird. Straighten your shoulders you're slumping. Have they noticed how awkward I am? Make eye contact. Not too much. Nod sagely. Can I escape to the loo for a break? Will they think I'm antisocial? Smile at people as you move around the room, look friendly and professional. Rustle some papers, make it look like you know what you're doing, no not like that!..."
On and on it goes!!

Gosh yes I can relate to this! It's bloody awful! Is this just part of being a human? Does everyone experience this?

Im loud and outgoing but I don't feel comfortable in big meetings.
I speak when I have something relevant to say but I listen and take everything in.
I have a couple of colleagues who speak for speaking sake.
Even when they have nothing helpful to add, they'll say things like "oh totally agree" or "absolutely " or just mmmm in agreement, they look daft as they're so predictable

How do you deal with not feeling comfortable? Are there any tips or any self talk to say to yourself?

All the time. I'm massively introverted and awkward, with crippling social anxiety and a chronic illness that causes brain fog, dizziness and sensory weirdness, plus I have recently developed a fun new thing where I'm minding my own business, walking the dog or in a shop or whatever, and I suddenly remember that I'm ugly and starting to look old and grey and people can see me. Self esteem has never been my strong point!

This is a completely normal human experience. I think everyone feels like that at some point, and a significant proportion of people always do.

Watch some Russ Harris you tube videos. He's an Acceptance and Commitment therapist. His videos cover unhelpful thoughts that we can get hooked on, in a very relatable, straight forward style.

I'm sorry to hear that please don't be so harsh on yourself I know it's nor easy x

Reading these replies I am starting to think if most people are feeling like this then surely they are too busy focused on themselves rather than scrutinising us anyway?

Exactly this!!! 🙌

I'm absolutely rubbish in a group of more than 4 people. I eventually realised it's because I come from a very small family and we didn't socialise much, so when faced with a larger group I just clam up. It's taken me most of my life to improve slightly, so now I'm OK-ish with around 6 people LOL. It does help to know that others feel like this as well, although it doesn't feel like it at the time!