Gifts from ExH's new GF for our daughter

[confusednorthener]

The back story:
Split from H last year, but we are still in the same house.
Both trying to save so we can move on to different dwellings.
Separate bedrooms, don't really interact anymore, move like ships passing in the night, remaining polite and civil for sake of 8 year old daughter.
He's been dating, and seems to go straight from 1 woman to another if the 1st one doesn't pay him enough attention. They never come in our house, always dating away and hotel rooms etc.
The situation now:
Latest GF, approx. 3½ weeks in, love bombing each other like crazy, always texting / talking and meeting up almost every evening.
They went away for the weekend and she sent a gift for our DD. DD doesn't even know she exists and ExH wants to tell her about the new GF already. I put my foot down and said absolutely not and you have to say the gift is from you.

AIBU to be livid about this gift and how fast he's moving? or is this normal these days and I'm just old fashioned in my views? (Me and Ex are both in our 40's, new GF is in her 30's)

You are not being unreasonable, but is this really a battle worth having? There will be so many battles about so many things with your ex-H, I'm honestly not sure that this is the one to engage in. Woman gives child gift - that's all it is really. In a few years time (possibly less) your DD won't even remember the gift or who gave it to her. I'd be letting that one roll on by (and I speak from long experience with a very badly behaved ex-H).

YANBU

I always think a woman who dates a man still living with his wife must have very low standards.

How do you know he's been dating her for 3.5 weeks?

I disagree with the other poster. I feel like you need to draw a hard line or the poor girl is going to have women flirting in and out her life her entire childhood

Yanbu. Your dd does not need exposure to a dozen random women. Tell your ex, when he has been solely with someone for 12 months, then will be the time for introductions.

Even then, be careful about gifts. They can be very manipulative. My ex's new woman bought my ds9 a self help book which went straight in the bin. Wtf !

Also a vegan cookbook - straight in the bin too.

She went through a phase of sending him toys but removing the packaging and filling the space with 100 mini eggs - which I removed and ds ate over the space of six months.
People can be weird.

It must be weird to know your new BF is still living with his wife... I don't think I could do it.

I had a 'how long have you even know her?!' moment and he said 'since a few weekends ago'.

I mean he could just say his friend bought it for her rather than lie completely.

I agree with PP that you need to pick your battles and focus on living apart asap

Want to clarify there is no negative 'atmosphere' for daughter. He's not there much anyway and when he is she talks to both of us equally and without conflict.

because he had a gift from one of them and wanted to tell DD about her.

low interaction means we don't stop to chat about our day, go out places together, have a takeaway and film like we used to do. Not radio silence and avoiding all eye-contact 😂

basic communication (have you taken the bin out etc.) and politeness still occurs.

YABu - You are trying to control him and how he lives his life. Which is understandable, because you are still living as husband and wife.

Sort out your living arrangements because neither of you can properly move on like this.

When are you expected to move out ? He is blurring all the lines probably because he thinks he has it cushy at home, your Dd must know things are not right.

Tell him you do not wish to know who he is shagging and random gifts will not be accepted, you do not have to be that civil.

I don’t think either of you should even contemplate telling your daughter about new partners while the two of you are still living in the same house. That’s far too confusing for a child to navigate. She’ll grow up with such a confused idea of what a normal relationship is.
I also don’t think any new partner should be introduced to a child until the relationship is at least a year in. Too many people rush into these situations because they are thinking of themselves rather than thinking of their child.

I can see why he is your ex...

Just tell him his dick has been inside far too many women since you split up, and he shouldn't be mentioning any girlfriend to your DD until he has managed to keep his dick in the same and only woman for more than 6 months, preferably a year.

YANBU but if he wanted to push back and insist on this very new girlfriend being involved already in any way he has every right to and there’s fuck all you can do about it. Apart from to appeal to him to use good judgment. Be prepared for this to continue to happen going forward btw with various girlfriends of your ex.

Sounds really difficult to manage to be honest and I don't think most workplaces would approve. She'd have to have strong arms to hang on like a monkey for 6 months.

Do you have a new partner as well?

a friend of mine has been living like this for a year, sounds remarkably similar.

She and husband and child all still in the house. She has a bf (older) goes to his about a third of the time, he’s at the family home for about a third of her time the other third she’s there with husband and child. The husband also has a gf (younger) and does the same thing. Child is approx 10.

I don’t think it’s healthy for anyone involved especially the child. And I can’t for the life of me think how the new bf and new gf think this is ok, especially going to the family home.

i am open minded about most things in life but their situation is beyond me.

If OP had dated several men, would it be acceptable for her XH to tell her too many dicks had been inside her vagina since they split up? And that she needs to keep the same man’s dick inside her for 6 months to a year?

Yes.

Obviously what I wrote was sarcasm. I would advise being a little politer in person.

But you shouldn't be introducing kids into new relationships until the relationship is well established. It's not fair on the kids. They need stability.