Am I overreacting?

[Ghostorno]

I’ve known my friend, Joanne, (not real name) for over 5 yrs and we see each other a couple of times a month. Recently I discovered she’s been inconsistent to me about some of her personal history and a few other things. She’d claimed to me a few years ago she’d dropped out of history degree at a northern university due to mental health probs, moved back home and claimed disability benefits. She’s never mentioned any other degree or FE.

Recently I drove her over to her friend’s house (a few hours anway) and they were chatting about university. Her friend asked what she thought of her experiences of doing an English degree at a London university and they chatted about that for a while. Her friend was also a bit off with me for no apparent reason. It was an odd atmosphere. I didn’t bother asking Joanne about this degree and drove us both home.

I have to admit I looked up Joanne on the net and found further info which contradicts what she’s told me. This has left me feeling uncomfortable. It seems like I’m left with a person who I don’t really know at all. I’d understand it more if she’d hidden sensitive info about herself.

We’re due to meet again for a night out and I’ll be driving Joanne and her friend for a night out 😬 I really don’t want to go but don’t want to disappoint. I’m also not sure I want to get into a sticky conversation about these contradictions.

Yabu = Just go and have a night out. Your friend prob forgot to tell you about the London uni course.

Yanbu = cancel in plenty of time, make an excuse and fade the friendship

Does it matter than she didn’t tell you about a degree at a London university?

There are a whole load of reasons why she may not have mentioned it - maybe it was a difficult time for her, maybe it coincided with a bad relationship so she doesn’t talk about it much, maybe she’s ashamed it didn’t lead to a better career outcome?

I don’t think it changes who she is day to day!

Why are you the one always driving?

if you don't want to go just give notice.

wouldn't bother me about not telling me about degree

My friend doesn’t drive so I help out by doing the driving

Do you care what she did at uni? Have you considered actually asking her about all this?

Strange that her friend was a bit off with you, was it your first time meeting?

I'd cancel if thats want you want, anyway you shouldn't have to be a taxi service for people that leave you feeling uncomfortable.

Hopefully they're not using you as their personal chauffeur.

I find that very strange, if you are good enough friends that you travel to visit other people...it's very odd in fact

"We’re due to meet again for a night out and I’ll be driving Joanne and her friend for a night out 😬 I really don’t want to go but don’t want to disappoint. I’m also not sure I want to get into a sticky conversation about these contradictions."
You seem to chauffeur Joanne around rather a lot! And "don’t want to disappoint" suggests you might have People Pleaser tendencies? If you don't want to go, don't go. Do you even know this friend of Joanne? Are you anticipating that she will be like Joanne's other friend and be "a bit off with me for no apparent reason"? No, an evening avoiding entering into "a sticky conversation" sounds deeply unappealing. Text her that you're dropping out and be done with it.

"I have to admit I looked up Joanne on the net and found further info which contradicts what she’s told me. This has left me feeling uncomfortable. It seems like I’m left with a person who I don’t really know at all. I’d understand it more if she’d hidden sensitive info about herself."
Sounds like you found quite a few contradictions, enough to make you wary. You've only really got two choices - raise the matter with her, or don't. If you raise the matter with her, how do you foresee the conversation going? Is there anything she could say that would ease your mind? If you don't raise the matter, can you continue a friendship with someone you now think you "don’t really know at all"?

Yes I’ve met her friend before and didn’t pick up on any atmosphere on the previous occasions. I think they’ll have to make other travel arrangements in the future.

Why do you care which uni she did or did not attend and get a degree from? Are you her potential employer?

It's perfectly possible she went to more than one uni or did several college or education courses throughout her life. Why would she need to list every single one of them to you?

She's your friend, not a walking CV.

The degree isn’t a big deal. I guess it’s more that some of the conversations we’ve had over the years have been about sharing similar experiences. But it turns out that a lot of these shared experiences aren’t real. They happened to me but not her.

The point isn't the personal history, the point is you have a friend that's been lying to you.

You are friends , I'd certainly ask her about it, maybe there is a good reason she didn't mention it. If there isn't a good reason or she says something like she just doesn't want to talk about the time, then I would really wonder what else she's lying about. It is a bit strange from what you've said here.

How do you mean not real though? She dropped out of uni and then at one point later on did another uni course. That she failed to mention to you. Not necessarily for sinister reasons.

Do you feel she's untrustworthy on a day to day level? I'm just wondering as to me someone failing to mention a course they did years ago wouldn't make me feel they couldn't be trusted generally.

Well either you quiz her about it and she tells you the truth or more lies or you leave it.

Also unless I know someone professionally I don’t look into what friends do on linked in or other sites. It’s none of my business.

Generally speaking I’d agree. But when your instincts are shouting that something is off then it’s human nature to go and check.