This isn’t how I pictured my life being at this stage but I’m really anxious about what the next few years will bring and how I will manage.
I am mid 40s and have DC aged 16 and 22. Both still living at home, both have SEN. Eldest is very reliant on me and I can’t see her moving out anytime soon. DD16 is about to take GCSEs, but is unlikely to do very well as she was out of education for a long time while I battled for an EHCP, which we only got in September last year. She wants to go to college but whether or not she gets the grades remains to be seen.
I have health problems myself and have had for the last 12 years, which have really limited my own ability to work, along with having to single handedly parent two DC with additional needs and all of the paperwork, meetings and fighting for what they need that comes with them, as well as both of them having had long periods of not being in school whilst I get them the support they needed. To be clear, I have always worked to some degree, but it’s been self employed work that has been flexible so that I can choose how much I work depending on my own health and what is going on with the DC.
I’ve been very aware that in the best case scenario, when DD16 is 18 my UC will reduce drastically - a more likely scenario is that it will be before then if she doesn’t get the grades she needs for college, or can’t cope if she does manage to get in. So for the last couple of years I’ve really been pushing myself to work more so that I am able to survive when that happens. That plan has backfired because I have badly burnt myself out and my health problems have got worse, and I’ve had to reduce what I’m doing again. As it stands, if I lost my UC tomorrow I wouldn’t be able to survive.
I have an amazing partner of 7 years but it’s a LDR and we don’t live together, with no prospect of that changing. He is very clear that he doesn’t want to get married, on the one hand I don’t blame him because I don’t think I’m much of a catch, but on the other hand I adore him and he’s the only person I’ve ever met that I would marry, so it makes me sad that he doesn’t want to. And would also make the future less scary, I wouldn’t feel so alone, or so financially insecure.
I have been consumed with parenting two high needs children alone for over 20 years, and now that that stage is coming to an end, I really feel like I’m staring into the void with no idea how I will manage financially. Health wise I’m rubbish at the moment and so my options are very limited. I am naturally a good problem solver (I’ve had to be!) but this is one problem I don’t know the answer to.
I’m lucky in that I live in social housing so at least I will always have a roof over my head, although when the imminent benefits reduction comes, I will struggle to afford my bills and living costs. I’m scared of how I’ll manage. I knew this stage of life was coming and I really have been trying to prepare for it but that’s not gone to plan.