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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Need to rant!

6 replies

Hell02121 · 01/03/2026 00:26

i can’t speak to anyone I know as I am unbelievably embarrassed and ashamed. I found out I was pregnant just after Christmas. I wanted to keep the baby, my partner did not. We already have 2 amazing children. He kept going on and on about getting an abortion and eventually I gave in. I had the abortion 3 weeks ago and it’s honestly the worst mistake of my life. I cry all the time and honestly feel like a disgusting person.

I went through the whole thing alone. It was traumatising! I was 9w 6days when I took the medication. Me and my partner had a falling out around the time of the abortion, he stayed with family and if I’m honest couldn’t have cared less.

my partner came back home around a week later, all was fine at this point, we had tea, watched some tv and went to bed. I was awoken by my phone repeatedly ringing early in the morning and also received a message. I opened the message to find out he had in fact been having an affair and his mistress was pregnant! Turns out she is infant a week further than I would have been. I feel like I’ve been blackmailed into having an abortion to keep his dirty secret from coming out and having to explain to his family that he had 2 children born a week apart as she was point blank refusing to have an abortion.

I was already severely struggling with having an abortion before this all come out. Now I feel like I’m drowning! I’m disgust with myself for aborting my child to keep there affair child a secret, so they can come up with some bullshit story and make it look like it was a one night stand when in fact they have been having an affair for a long time! And I’ve done it without knowing a thing! Watching this all unfold, knowing she is pregnant and her due date being basically the same as mine would have been is honestly eating me alive. The worst part is, the same day I attended the clinic for the abortion, was the same day she was having her first scan! It’s like she’s waited until she knew I had done it to then tell me!

this girl after everything she has done still messages me asking where he is, like she’s the girlfriend and I’m the mistress! as he has apparently cut all contact with her. I honestly can’t get my head around it. He then messages me telling me its my fault he’s done this and I was “pushing him away” ( unbelievable I know) then in another breath asking me to take him back and we will get through it. Honestly I am speechless. Two clowns’s one circus! I actually can’t believe I have to co parent with this disgusting animal.

I don’t really know what I was expecting writing this but I feel like I’m going insane inside my own brain, having to keep it all in!

OP posts:
Hoardasurass · 01/03/2026 00:37

Please don't keep any of this to yourself talk to friends and family and get the support you need to kick him out and heal. You are not to blame for his abusive behaviour of bullying.
Also send 1 message telling his mistress not to contact you again or you'll report her for harassment and then block her.

NormasArse · 01/03/2026 00:50

This is a huge trauma for you- don’t minimise it. For yours and your children’s sake, get some form of counselling so you can work through it in a healthy way.

And don’t ever consider taking him back.

Good luck 💐

Conspiracytheories · 01/03/2026 04:25

Oh my goodness OP. What an absolute piece of low life he is. I'm just so, so sorry he has betrayed you in this way and behaved so appallingly.
I agree with pp: that you need to seek support from your family and friends. You will get through this.

PrincessofWells · 01/03/2026 04:35

I don't know what to say except we can act only on the Information we have at the time, so bear that in mind.

I very much hope you are OK.

MrsMorrisey · 01/03/2026 06:24

Wow. What an absolute arsehole. Rant away xx

Catza · 01/03/2026 08:48

I'm actually pretty shocked that abortion clinics sign off cases like that. Several years ago, I voluntarily booked myself for an abortion and I had two separate interviews to establish whether I was doing it of my own volition and whether continuing with the pregnancy was likely to affect my health (physical and mental) more than an abortion. They also made me aware that of there was any doubt about my decision, thy would expect me to have a conversation with a psychologist prior to signing me off for the treatment. And yet I hear cases where women get coerced into termination by their partner and nobody picks up on it...
Your partner is clearly a cunt but that doesn't matter right now. You are holding a lot by yourself. Lean on others, block woman's number and consider arranging therapy as soon as you can.

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