To be pissed off with my friend?

[stonybridge]

I’ve been good friends with him for years. A few years ago he met his now fiancé, who’s great and I’m delighted for him. Since he met his fiancé, it has become basically impossible to see him without his boyfriend being in tow. I don’t really mind but do think it’s not particularly healthy, and my friend has complained that he’s unable to go out with friends without his boyfriend coming, so it’s not entirely welcomed by him either.

I don’t see him that much any more but we do try every couple/few months. We had plans to go for lunch next Saturday at a very nice restaurant then have a couple of wines. Inevitably, I’ve had the text to ask if his fiancé can come, which I suppose is fine (I genuinely do enjoy his company). But now I’ve had a text saying that his fiancé has his 15 year old daughter next weekend and can the daughter also come.

If I say no I’ll sound like a dick who doesn’t like the girl (I’ve met her a few times and she’s a lovely young woman), but it changes the dynamic so hugely. It’s gone from a long lunch with wine to now me tagging along to a family meal.

I’m sick of it. Just ranting really.

Just reply, that it would be lovely to see your friend and why doesn't his DP take try opportunity to spoil DD for some parent/child time.

Your friend might thank you.

I’d say it sounds like next weekend is busy for you so let’s rearrange and you are look forward to another day when you can have a nice one to one catch as it’s been like forever since you’ve done that.

how do you usually split paying for bills?… any chance they are freeloading chancers?

Nah it won’t be that. The reason I don’t reply as people have mentioned above is because if I say no every time he wants to bring along his fiancé, I’d never see him. He cannot seem to go places alone.

Tell him just what you've said here. That it changes the dynamic from you-and-him to you as tagalong. He needs to recognise and own this.

I think it’s perfectly fine to say that you don’t fancy being the third wheel on a family dinner.

Opt out now before this becomes the norm.

This says it far better than my post did.

Just say there are some things you want to talk over one to one but you'd like to see fiancé and dd another time.

'Nah, I fancied a grown-ups night out. Why don't we just go back to it being us two, and perhaps your DFiance can take his DD out by herself for some one to one time instead?'

Yeah I'd just text back and say "hey sounds like it's probably more of a family occasion and I am just not in the mood for that right now for various reasons. Why don't we rearrange for another day and you can have a lovely family time together "

"Hi codependent, they can't amend the booking. I've changed it to your name, you 3 go and have fun - we can catch up another time. I'm free on the 12th of never if you're around!"

I’ve replied saying I wouldn’t be keen and that I was looking forward to adult conversation, and offering to see him another time. The daughter is no longer coming. Can’t drop the fiancé though!