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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to go away?

7 replies

iamamickey · 27/02/2026 17:03

I’m a SAHM. I have an adult son icing in an apartment we own in the city (he pays a nominal rent about 1/3 market value. ) I have a daughter mid 20’s lives at home rent free in a car we gave her to commute to Uni. She’s in final year of a course which she took a year out from. We pay for all her food and bought her the car. She works in retail to pay for her own costs eg entertainment and petrol. We also have 2 teenagers in lower half of senior school. we usually have a family holiday in the summer which she chooses to come on once we decide where we are going. She didn’t come last year because we were staying in Uk.
Husband and I try to get a long weekend city break in once per year two just the two of us. We have done this the last 4 years as a treat for each other instead of Christmas presents. Usually my sister or his sister move in for few days to do school runs and make sure everyone eats.
This year, two eldest are going to mind the teens and do school runs etc (daughter hates when aunts come to stay as she feels her space is invaded.) she has been making jabs about this trip which is next week. “Oh it’s well for you that you can afford to go to “ city break”
She said it’s too much what I’ve asked her and her brother to do. That I just expect every one to stop what they are doing so I can go on holiday.

Im so gutted to hear it. I bend over backwards for all my children. I’m a carer for my mother who has dementia and I’ve had to arrange for extra carers for her while I’m away. I feel exhausted I’m really looking forward to the break.

I need some perspective? Is it wrong to ask them
to
stay at home for 4 days while we go away. They won’t have any costs we will make sure money is left. Am I selfish? Am I being unreasonable for going away? aIbu

OP posts:
NotAnotherScarf · 27/02/2026 17:05

I'd ask her for the car back and rent then...so I can "afford to pay for childcare care" when I'm away.

Pancakesbythedozen · 27/02/2026 17:07

Withdraw all the freebies she gets.
When me and dh go away older dc are happy to pitch in.. It's called family.

LutherRalph1 · 27/02/2026 17:09

She sounds a bit spoiled! Tell her aunts will come and stay in that case

BlueMum16 · 27/02/2026 17:09

Your DD sounds incredibly spoilt and self centre.

YANBU.

Enjoy your break.

Userengage · 27/02/2026 17:11

Yep, tell her you’ll sell ‘her’ car to pay for childcare. Mickey taker.

Ophir · 27/02/2026 17:13

She’s being ridiculous, so mean spirited.

Ignore the snash, and enjoy your trip

when you come home rethink her privileges

iamamickey · 27/02/2026 17:20

Ok. I’m glad because when I tried to tell her she was being unreasonable she told me I was expecting everyone to drop what they were doing and come help me. Like really don’t think that. This trip
is booked almost a year in advance so her and some have know what I needed for ages. She said she helps all the time but aside from doing the dishwasher or bringing something home from the shop she doesn’t do anything. Maybe if I’m stuck doing something for the boys she will go do my caring duties for mum but that’s very rare. I know if I try have this out with her she will strop so I will wait till I come home from trip.

OP posts:
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