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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be stressed that I'm offered one chance at a laparoscopy during the worst month?

48 replies

LorettaYoung · 27/02/2026 16:18

I've been on the lap waiting list for two years now and finally called up for surgery. For the most part I have managed possible endometriosis with medication but its lost effectiveness off in the last year.

Being called up for this in March is a nightmare for two reasons - as a mature student, it is major assessments month. I'll be flat out. The hospital has said they could offer the very end of the month once these pass which is something.

But the other main issue is I started a new job 1 month ago and its very casual, so I doubt they will take kindly to me taking time off. What worries me is that the hospital says recovery is one week but I've been hearing stories on here of much longer. I need the job right now.

It is a private hospital offering this as they're helping the NHS clear their waiting list. They stated they only offer me slots per contract until end of March and after that I might be removed from the list completely if I don't do this! I'm so stressed as I can't see how I'm going to fulfil everything at once.

I feel it isn't the right time to do the op but fear this is my only chance. Thoughts?

OP posts:
Boomer55 · 27/02/2026 16:25

Well, I would just do it.

adlitem · 27/02/2026 16:26

If you've been on the waiting list 2 years I'd just get it over and done with. These things are never convenient.

GetInLoser12 · 27/02/2026 16:26

Your college will have an extenuating circumstances policy, you should be able to get an extension for your assessments. Likewise you should have some sort of sick leave policy at your work. Whether they like it or not is tough, you need surgery.

Hard to know the recovery without knowing what the surgery is for, is it investigations or will they be removing a lot of endometriosis? I’ve had a few and would say 1 week is the minimum.

REDB99 · 27/02/2026 16:27

It’s your health and you’ve been waiting two years, have it done.

GarlicFound · 27/02/2026 16:28

I had a massive cystic ovary removed by keyhole (at a private hospital). It took five hours and I 'died' in recovery. I was in for two nights and back at work after one night at home. You can't see a scar.

Take the opportunity! Be as fit as you can manage, it speeds recovery. Get as much information as you need now, then let your studies take up all your attention.

Good luck in your assessments, and I hope the procedure fixes or at least relieves your problems.

Upstartled · 27/02/2026 16:30

You can't miss an operation like this for a job that has so little investment in you that you can't take time out for a much needed operation.

Original poster
LorettaYoung · 27/02/2026 16:30

I will apply for extenuating circumstances at uni.

But the main problem is the job. It's really not as simple as 'get it done'. I need the extra money and the reference.

Its just a part time job, tutoring, and the kids exams are April and early May. So there is a really short window for me to fulfil my duties. to be honest if I knew about the op I may even have turned the job down but now I have responsibilities and can't just drop it.

OP posts:
Statsquestion1 · 27/02/2026 16:31

This comes down to one simple question, which do you value more your health or college/work? Only you can answer this.

Original poster
LorettaYoung · 27/02/2026 16:31

Jobs like this are the reality of the current job market. It's just the way it is.

I'm very unlikely to get something else in this timeframe when I need it.

OP posts:
adlitem · 27/02/2026 16:32

LorettaYoung · 27/02/2026 16:30

I will apply for extenuating circumstances at uni.

But the main problem is the job. It's really not as simple as 'get it done'. I need the extra money and the reference.

Its just a part time job, tutoring, and the kids exams are April and early May. So there is a really short window for me to fulfil my duties. to be honest if I knew about the op I may even have turned the job down but now I have responsibilities and can't just drop it.

It's one week, not a month. You could get flu and be off longer. These things happen.

Everlil · 27/02/2026 16:32

I’ve had a few of these and was fine the next day, just a bit of cramp sorted with some painkillers. Definitely didn’t need a week off. I would take it as you’ve bee waiting for so long and just plough through.

Original poster
LorettaYoung · 27/02/2026 16:32

I value my health and I need work to pay bills and live. I value my education because it is my current route to a new career and I've paid to obtain the degree.

They are actually both vital in different ways. I don't have a partner to pick up financial slack etc as we split up last year.

OP posts:
adlitem · 27/02/2026 16:33

I get the feeling you are making excuses OP....

Original poster
LorettaYoung · 27/02/2026 16:35

@adlitem I really am not! March is the most important month of this year for my assessments. April is free and so is May. But they will only offer March.

And the job is not flexible. So no, I am not making excuses. It is a genuine conundrum.

OP posts:
Statsquestion1 · 27/02/2026 16:35

LorettaYoung · 27/02/2026 16:32

I value my health and I need work to pay bills and live. I value my education because it is my current route to a new career and I've paid to obtain the degree.

They are actually both vital in different ways. I don't have a partner to pick up financial slack etc as we split up last year.

Edited

The key word in my question is “more” which do you value more? I think for you it’s work-money, and that’s ok. Thats the decision you want to make. It’s not up to anyone else and it’s no one else’s fault that you need to choose work.

GarlicFound · 27/02/2026 16:39

The reason keyhole surgery was such a breakthrough is that the procedures can be carried out without slicing through layers of flesh, ligament and muscle. For that reason, the puncture does very little damage so you aren't looking at stitches, bandages and waiting for it all to knit back together.

You're catastrophising, I think. Clear five days in your diary. Think how much less hassle your life will be without the endometriosis crap!

adlitem · 27/02/2026 16:39

LorettaYoung · 27/02/2026 16:35

@adlitem I really am not! March is the most important month of this year for my assessments. April is free and so is May. But they will only offer March.

And the job is not flexible. So no, I am not making excuses. It is a genuine conundrum.

Yes, but you don't have the choice of April or May.

What would you do re the job if you came down with D&V? Or were in a car accident? The job can't be so inflexible that one week off is disastrous. Especially if you have notice and can rearrange/ plan.

dammit88 · 27/02/2026 16:39

So cancel the appointment then. There will be people on that waiting list desperate for it. Free the appointment slot up for them.

zeebra · 27/02/2026 16:41

Sorry but what a bizarre post. I am sure someone else will be more than happy to take your slot.

AshHeart · 27/02/2026 16:49

Assuming you're in England you can remain on the NHS waiting list after declining one firm offer for surgery by the provider (NHS or waiting list initiative in the private sectors). They should not automatically turf you off. Your position on the NHS waiting list should remain the same but, bear in mind this doesn't mean you won't have to wait a long time. Ideally you should let the hospital admissions know any dates you are not available.

ScaryM0nster · 27/02/2026 16:57

How many hours a week is the job, and how physically strenuous is it?

How much can you do the prep and planning in advance?

noctilucentcloud · 27/02/2026 17:04

Make a plan. For uni work get the extenuating circumstances form in (they were designed for things like this) and try and start any assignments you already know about now so you can get ahead. Talk to student support and your personal tutor. Make a plan for how you'll catch up on any lectures/tutorials you miss eg can someone audio record it for you so you have the slides and the audio. For your job, tell the students/parents and apologise and say it's unavoidable and you had no idea of your appointment date when you took them on. Then say your plan eg you will set a timed past paper for the student to do that week which you will mark the following week. I can see the timing is frustrating after waiting so long, but I think it's more workaroundable than you think.

Original poster
LorettaYoung · 27/02/2026 17:04

GarlicFound · 27/02/2026 16:39

The reason keyhole surgery was such a breakthrough is that the procedures can be carried out without slicing through layers of flesh, ligament and muscle. For that reason, the puncture does very little damage so you aren't looking at stitches, bandages and waiting for it all to knit back together.

You're catastrophising, I think. Clear five days in your diary. Think how much less hassle your life will be without the endometriosis crap!

part of my concern is down to the fact I've looked up multiple lap recovery threads here on mumsnet and people are saying up to 2-3 weeks until back to work.

I don't feel I could do that right now. I work from home fwiw.

OP posts:
Original poster
LorettaYoung · 27/02/2026 17:06

AshHeart · 27/02/2026 16:49

Assuming you're in England you can remain on the NHS waiting list after declining one firm offer for surgery by the provider (NHS or waiting list initiative in the private sectors). They should not automatically turf you off. Your position on the NHS waiting list should remain the same but, bear in mind this doesn't mean you won't have to wait a long time. Ideally you should let the hospital admissions know any dates you are not available.

I'm in Scotland. That's interesting.

I do wonder how true it is? Like as they are a private hospital are they telling me the threat of 'one' because they get paid for patients they take in?

OP posts:
Abracadabra12 · 27/02/2026 17:09

I’ve had laparoscopic surgery and was working from home comfortably the next day. I think one week recovery might be to cover jobs like warehouse workers, PE teachers etc not people sitting at a desk all day

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