To feel there must be a way around this? Experience vs inclusion.

[Musicalmoraldilemma]

DD has played in a small musical group for some time with children A and B. They are all 12 and are approximately the same level. B has been quite flaky about turning up to rehearsals. The teacher in charge of the group has therefore replaced her with another child, C. C is a nice kid and tries hard, and it is good of her to have stepped in when asked. It’s true that she is quite a lot less experienced than DD and A, but we’ve all been the least experienced person in a group at some point.

A’s mum has messaged asking whether A can speak to DD about whether they can ask to play with someone else / form a duo. I haven’t spoken to DD about it yet. I feel uncomfortable about doing something which would look to D as though the other girls were deliberately excluding her when she’s done nothing wrong. I thought I might ask the teacher whether it might be possible to form a second group with DD, A and another, perhaps more experienced, child in order to give DD and A the experience of playing at a higher level but without making D feel bad. Do you think this is a reasonable course of action? Is there another solution I haven’t thought of?

Anyone..?

Is "D" who you explained as "C"?

I would leave it to the teacher to sort out.

Sorry - yes, I’m an idiot 😳. C/D is the new child. I don’t want her to feel as though the other girls have approached the teacher and asked that they don’t play with her. It feels as though that would be what “leaving it up to the teacher” would entail.

B has been quite flaky about turning up to rehearsals. The teacher in charge of the group has therefore replaced her with another child, C. C is a nice kid and tries hard, and it is good of her to have stepped in when asked. It’s true that she is quite a lot less experienced than DD and A, but we’ve all been the least experienced person in a group at some point.

I thought I might ask the teacher whether it might be possible to form a second group with DD, A and another, perhaps more experienced, child in order to give DD and A the experience of playing at a higher level but without making C feel bad

So it's OK for your DD and A to play with other, more experienced children, but not for C to play with them, who are more experienced than her?

I think it’s been suggested to form an additional group. As someone who’s experienced in an activity, sometimes I also deserve to be stretched and challenged rather than always having to take on the supporting role. That’s the same for OP’s DD. I see people drop out of activities when they are always expected to become a helper or are held back. Of course the DD will learn skills from being the helper, but it shouldn’t have to be her only option if she wants to improve or challenge herself.

Apologies - I can see now that my wording was ambiguous. I don’t mean that DD should necessarily get to play with someone “more experienced than her”, just someone was is “more experienced than C”.

OP you've really overcomplicated your summary. I don't even see why it was relevant to mention B at all. "DD and A are in a small musical group. Recently C has joined, but she isn't as experienced as them. A's mum has asked if I support C being left out, and A and my dd playing either as a duo or with another child at the same level as them."

Basically it depends. If C's inclusion means that your dd and A are getting held back because the teacher is only giving them easier songs that C can keep up with, then maybe it's worth flagging - although not necessarily C's removal, just making sure they get a mix. Getting experience with as many different people as possible is valuable in itself. I don't see why they can't play songs as a trio and more complicated ones just as a duo and with other children at the same level (if there even are any, as if there were surely the teacher would have asked them to join in the first place rather than C?).

If A/your dd join an orchestra or similar they will be the least experienced person at some point, and I'm sure wouldn't appreciate being bullied out by older/better players. How on earth does A's mum expect people to get better/more experienced without getting experience!

I think another thing to consider here is how much time the teacher has to devote to this. If it's someone being paid an hourly rate to run the group/s, I think it's rather different than if it's a school teacher giving up her time to run them. If the latter and you are asking to the teacher to run rehearsals for a trio (so not to exclude C) but also separately duet rehearsals then you are basically asking them to give up twice as much of their break/afterschool time.

I wouldn’t, everyone is the least experienced at some point, what happens if no one was prepared to give your child a chance. It’s part of being a group that you’ll be more skilled than some and less skilled than others.

Just talk to DD about how she's finding the new arrangement. Don't mention A's Mum at all or the potential to ditch C or form a duo. DD might be enjoying it. In which case, no problem. Maybe C brings other qualities like fun or comitment or perseverance. A's Mum can then stop trying to throw her under the bus.

Does no harm to be absolutely perfect at a lower level too. She can play by herself too which she can use to stretch herself surely? And if they want to get together outside of lessons they could potentially do more?
tbh your teacher is the person you should be letting handle this.