AIBU to think this might not be ADHD?

[schnauzerlover]

My lovely DS is 6 and going to a small village school. He is overall happy there, has some nice friends, but shows - at school- some typical ADHD symptoms like being very restless, always on the go, tapping hands and can't sit still etc. On waiting list for assessment as teachers been pushing for it.

However, when at home, we barely have any problems. He is even tempered (most of the time), he plays wonderfully, no sleep issues etc. It seems to be very connected to the learning environment and I think he behaves very differently at school. Though it is hard getting him to do his homework, I will say that.

For anyone who knows more- do you think it can be ADHD when it's mostly present at school? I am starting to think if it's maybe the wrong school for him...

Sometimes very bright children present ADHD traits especially if they are bored at school.

It will be a long wait so I guess wait and see how things are by the time his appointment comes along.

OP I would also say that sometimes we can be blind to our child’s ND traits because we are ND ourselves and think that their behaviour is ‘normal’ for lack of a better term. If that makes sense.

Totally up to you but if he is referred for assessment and the professionals don’t think he meets the criteria, he won’t be diagnosed. So where is the harm? Whereas if he is ND and you don’t refer until the difficulties are more prominent you may then be waiting for an assessment when you want/need one.

I would not entertain the idea of looking for a diagnosis. Of course he will get one. Diagnosis of ADHD relies on nothing more than self reporting or parental reporting of the widely known symptoms of ADHD. It’s a very pointless diagnosis and why label and potentially medicalise a young child who is happy and thriving?

Children, particularly boys, that don’t fit into the typical classroom environment are often labelled as adhd. They often aren’t. They just aren’t built to sit still at a desk for long periods of time. Which is why you don’t see it at home. As a previous poster said, adhd can’t be switched on and off but different environments will show different behaviours. I am a teacher and can think of several children who could be diagnosed with adhd. They don’t have it. They just struggle to learn in the way that is expected in mainstream school. They are bright and interested in everything but find it hard to sit still and not chat constantly.

My ND DS finds it significantly easier to concentrate at home vs school because there's not the distraction of 29 other kids (even if they are sat quietly, my DS' train of thought will get distracted be e.g. thr colour of their shoes and then he's thinking about shoe colours instead of maths - i also have this issue 🤣🤣)

Does it even matter really if he’s fidgety at school? It might annoy his teacher but beyond that it’s not an actual problem, and there isn’t anything a diagnosis is going to change. If the school feel he has SEN support needs they can put him on their register without a diagnosis and I think it’s weird they’re pressuring you to get one.

In a similar position re early diagnosis however I do believe I see signs in DS at home. I am feeling confident school is doing this to support him and give him tools or learning environment he needs. A wobble cushion was their first suggestion. I am adamant not to medicate.

I certainly think their neediness shows up more in a classroom environment and the inability to sit still and constant fidgeting is less visible when they are stimulated.

I have certainly noticed a lot at home for a long time. The age related dismissal of my instincts has been frustrating as I can see so much of myself and probably undiagnosed needs in him.

Hi. Iv 3 adhd boys.

Since your not sure yourself then it isnt a bad thing the waiting lists are long. Say its a 2 plus year wait he will be nearing 8 before any diagnosis.

I agree a school wouldn't push for it unless there were clear signs, but at the same time, they are generally only aware of signs that directly impact schooling. My son is now 8 and awaiting diagnosis (but we are in little doubt as both I and my sister have it) I had an inkling before the school, I first started thinking it was possible when he was 3.5, but until 6, school would say...possible but he is a July baby and a boy...so could just be normal hyper young boy. His year 2 teacher then brought it up without mention from me and school have put things in place for him ever since, though that same teacher told me I would need to push for them to do anything about it, because he wasn't struggling academically.
Things to note that relate to your comments, he is also a very bright boy, though one of the youngest in the year he still sits around middle of the class for results, he loves to learn as long as he is interested, that is the part people often don't realise about ADHD, you can focus great for long periods of time if the thing you are doing or learning is interesting to you, but when it's boring you have no hope, he was dry at night at instantly once he was dry in the day, so that's not a given link. Though he was a hyper little man, he is also anxious and his biggest struggle is actually transitions and change...task switching, get very anxious over new places, new teachers, and his confident bubbly self only comes out once he knows where he stands and the rules etc.

However we did see clear signs at home too, the biggest being emotional regulation. He has BIG feelings, and frustration levels go from 0-60 pretty fast! Impulse control also, he would do something and then almost instantly feel bad, the action comes before the brain has thought it through.

The wait lists are long, so don't think there is any harm starting the process, you may see more signs as he gets older or school might see less signs, so you can always not follow through with it later. You don't say if he is in Yr 1 or yr 2, but loads of kids struggle moving from reception to yr 1 as there is such a drop in movement and play based learning in the UK, so it might just be a case of him being a mix of clever so easily bored (there is a big gap between oldest and youngest in the yr at that age) and not getting enough time to move around.
It could also be that he does have ADHD But cos he is relaxed at home and you scaffold him well it isn't that noticeable

I would be surprised if it was ADHD and you didn't see any emotional regulation issues at home though.

Side note. I am starting to suspect my little girl (almost 7) will also be diagnosed as some point, but I doubt school will see it as she is also clever and she is well behaved and works well at school (she is also a perfectionist, takes any mistakes or perceived critism to heart, big ADHD red flags in girls) So it presents differently for all. I was late diagnosed and no one believed I had it but me, and yet hear I am, diagnosed and getting worse as life gets more busy and oestrogens levels plummet! 😅😆

Of course he will get one? Weird statement. Having been through it, there is much more to a diagnosis than that and children also do tests on a computer which measure eye movements etc so it isn't just "self reporting".
A label can be VERY important for understanding and supporting a child's development and nothing to do with "medicalising". We are an ADHD family and we don't see that as a negative at all, but knowing how our brains work in a bit of different way, helps massively. Undiagnosed ADHD kids can get shame piled on them for behaviours they have no control over and it can destroy their self esteem.

What an educated response🙄

Ever heard of burnout? My dd is 19 and in her 5th year of burnout. Because of no diagnosis when younger.

So much of your description of your kids sounds like my dd. Very interesting. Thanks for sharing.

I wouldn’t push but would keep an eye on it. I have one whose issues showed up at school first. They were fine at home. A couple of years later, as the demands ratcheted up, we started seeing it at home too.

(By the way I do have one whose issues showed was diagnosed before they were 5 but that child has one of the most severe cases of ADHD I’ve ever seen.)

It doesn't sound like adhd to me tbh. I think expecting young children to sit still and concentrate all day at school is just really difficult for a lot of them and not particularly healthy. The current curriculum isn't very child centrered. In many other countries, he’d still be in kindergarten at 6 and wouldn't even start formal education until 7. Boys especially can take a bit longer to mature, and the system doesn't seem to account for that.

Stick with the referral, waiting lists are huge any way so what’s the harm. If you get to the point where medication will benefit him, educationally or otherwise, you will need that diagnosis.

As others have said, home life is often designed to suit ND kids without us even realising. You’re obviously a very active family, I imagine you’re a caring and responsive parent, so it’s possible his traits are massively diluted at home because of that.

My DS was the most chilled, happy toddler, and the nursery staff adored him. But when he was 3 and started a slightly more structured pre school setting with a smaller group of kids, he started to struggle. He couldn’t/wouldn’t sit for story time, he struggled with the way they all had to do as they were told immediately, with the routine and with the transitions. We had mixed experiences in education since, reception was mainly fine (though he missed a term in lockdown - forget home learning and he constantly needed entertaining at home), Y1 was a nightmare because of a really strict teacher. Y2 onwards has been good and now Y6 he is medicated, but he had learn to mask a lot of it in school, he still has to be asked a few times by teachers to do things but he doesn’t answer back, get frustrated or get up constantly like he was in Y1 (and some of Y2). His symptoms at home got worse, a lot of defiance and a lot of hyperactivity and impulsivity. He was diagnosed age 7, medicated age 9. On days he has medication, or does sports in the morning (he is very sporty) he is a different child to when he doesn’t, so it really sounds like your lifestyle suits your DS.

I think the dry at night is a myth! My DS was dry before 3, and we are a ND family, none of us were bed wetters. My sister is 1000% ADHD and actually she was wet at night for a long time but that’s one out of several!!!

A classroom with 30 kids and a couple of adults is a hugely overstimulating environment. There will be multiple distractions competing for his attention at any one moment. Add displays on the wall, bright lights etc. I imagine your home environment is calmer and life can revolve around him ( to a certain extent).
Whatever the cause he's finding it hard to focus in the classroom environment and his teacher is trying to help.

I’d say it’s worthwhile getting a referral. They are triaged before making it into a waiting list, so the ones that don’t tick enough of the boxes don’t make it past that point. Waiting lists sit at over a year in most areas, and a lot can change in that year. NHS assessment process is pretty stringent, so I wouldn’t worry unduly about a child getting a “label” that doesn’t fit. Even if they do end up being diagnosed with ADHD, you don’t have to use medication. DS2 is currently unmedicated- he is also autistic and we found the meds had a negative impact on his mood and emotions.

As others have said, your child could well not have ADHD, or your home environment is meeting his needs perfectly, so some of those traits aren't apparent. I was already using a lot of strategies in parenting DS2 before his diagnosis, and home was his safe space.
From what you’ve written, I have no way of knowing if your DS has ADHD or not (and neither does anyone else posting). What I will encourage is for you to keep an open mind, and remember that for a lot of kids with ADHD or autism they look to be coping during primary school, but the wheels can well and truly fall of in secondary. So while it may seem unnecessary going through an assessment process now, you could end up glad of it in years to come. If he gets assessed and told he does not have ADHD then school will have to focus on meeting his needs in an appropriate way (ie if his behaviours are due to being bored and unstimulated, they’ll need to work on how to tackle that, if he’s bright he may need more challenging work, etc)

Hello, for ADHD assessment to be considered, their difficulties have to be present in 2 or more settings, so that would typically be home and school it it might be school and an out of school activity.
Things to consider: you might be supporting him more than you realise at home, you might be managing some of the things that he finds difficult.
Could he be anxious in school? Restlessness and lack of focus can come from that.
Are there sensory differences? Does he need to be moving constantly, does he find he is sensitive to certain noises?
There may be sensory aspects within the school environment that he doesn’t have to manage at home, it may be noisy, the lighting may be different, he might have to be in close proximity and navigating space shared with lots of other children.
If school are wondering about ADHD what support do they currently have in place? Have you looked at a sensory profile together? Are there any concerns with any aspect of literacy? What have they found that helps him to focus is there anything that worsens his ability to focus? Is lack of focus in specific tasks or across the school day? How are his motor skills?
He also uses English as an additional language. This isn’t a concern, it’s a strength of course, but is he actually using more cognitive energy to tackle some tasks in school? Could this be a factor however small?
At age 6 there are lots of questions to be explored between school and home.
Are there neurodivergent traits within your family? Is anyone ADHD or ASD for example?
How is their sleep? Do they find it really difficult to fall asleep or wake up in the night?
Lots to think about. Hope it all goes well.

At home, he can get up, move around, stim to his heart's content, do activities he chooses and enjoys. If you've instilled good behaviour expectations in him then he'll likely be trying to keep it all in while at school, which invariably has the contradicting effect and can make symptoms more obvious in that environment. My ds was diagnosed last year (he's now 15). His adhd wasn't as obvious at home (manifested only really as talkativeness, humming and production of white noise, and some other things that only really became obvious as he got older) and at school he was never the child who got up and left his chair or the classroom or became obviously disruptive or rude. Instead he tapped his pen, swung on his chair, talked too much at the wrong time, blurted out answers, or chewed gum.

When we had him assessed, there was a light bulb moment when the assessor said "I've sometimes heard children refer to their classroom chair as 'like a prison'". My ds's eyes lit up and he said "yes, that's it! That's a perfect analogy". Of course, at home he has his games console to keep his hands busy. As he grew older (secondary school) it was his lack of planning, organisation and executive memory to fulfil expectations as new demands increased. Other than that, he's a delight to be around.

So yes, it's absolutely possible for symptoms to be more obvious in one environment than another. But as he gets older and demands increase, it would likely become more obvious at home too. Your ds is just 6, so what you're seeing fits the pattern.

I'd first ask school what they have already tried to support him before pushing for assessment. Were there any concerns in nursery/preschool? Is he bored? How is he doing academically? Can they provide him with more individualised work? Movement breaks? What about sensory needs e.g. noises? Has he struggled before or is it a new thing? Any problems at after school activities etc?

'The teacher seems quite adamant though that we should push for a diagnosis but I just dont know- I also think, like you, 6 years old is very young really!'

That's suprisingly confident for someone not qualified to diagnose.