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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think DS's childminder could communicate face to face and not by letter

31 replies

shreddies · 16/06/2008 18:41

DS's childminder had said that she wanted to take two weeks holiday in August and one in October. We were fine with that and planned around it. I picked up DS from his childminder tonight and she gave me a letter in which she said that she was going to take four weeks in August instead.

It's a big pain in the arse for us we were planning to take our holiday out of season and now won't have enough leave left, but what really irritates me is that she didn't talk to us about it. There's nothing we could have done about it, but it has left a bit of a nasty taste in the mouth. Is it worth me saying that I'd rather she actually talked to us in future or should I just let it go?

OP posts:

deedledum · 16/06/2008 18:43

Tell her. I'm a childminder, there must be honesty and openness on both sides or it won't work. She obviously knew she was giving you unwelcome information and took the cowards way.

kslatts · 16/06/2008 18:45

YANBU - I can understand a childminder putting holiday dates in a letter so there is no confusion, but I'd expect a childminder to tell me face to face and just give me the letter to ensure I don't forgot the dates.

vInTaGeVioLeT · 16/06/2008 18:56

i'm a childminder and i think that's awful - also very unfair of her to take FOUR weeks off in school holidays with less than 2 months notice - how the hell will you find alternative care??

Original poster

shreddies · 16/06/2008 19:15

Thanks. I'll have to have a chat with her about it. Sigh

OP posts:

rookiemater · 16/06/2008 19:22

YANBU - I think if it were me I'd be writing a letter in return giving four weeks notice.

Don't get me wrong, everyone is entitled to holidays, but if the 4 week break is for something exceptional like a once in a lifetime amazing family holiday to somewhere special then she would have been much better to get you on side by firstly telling you about it face to face and secondly trying to line up some alternative cover for you.

Is she otherwise good ?

Original poster

shreddies · 16/06/2008 19:46

She is good otherwise, and I'm really surprised by this, it's very out of character

OP posts:

HappyMummyOfOne · 16/06/2008 19:59

I'd be writing a letter of notice in return to, 4 weeks is a long time to cover and an unacceptable amount of time to have off bearing in mind her profession. I bet the other parents are not happy either - I hope you arent paying her!

cheeset · 16/06/2008 20:14

4 Weeks is a long time to expect people to cover their own childcare if they work, they usually get a childminder to help with this kinda thing

Iv'e never used a childminder but what are you supposed to do in this situation?

Where are they going for 4 weeks, it would have to be somewhere bloomin special

Love2bake · 16/06/2008 20:26

She is entitled to holiday - but like the others have said 4 weeks in one go is alot.

Has she got any CM friends that could cover her holiday. I am a CM and me and other local CM's often cover each others holidays to help the parents out.

Original poster

shreddies · 16/06/2008 20:31

Yes, it's paid - but that seems to be standard round here. More sighing. I don't know if they're going away, I didn't have the impression they were when she told me she wanted two weeks. I know we'll have to cover six week summer holidays when DS starts school, but we've got three years to plan for that.

She does have a childminder friend who might cover, but we'd have to pay her and I haven't met her yet. I know she has older children and am a bit unsure about what sort of time DS would have there with her kids there too. That does sound pfb doesn't it

OP posts:

Love2bake · 16/06/2008 20:34

You have to pay her 6 weeks at full price?

I dont charge anything when I go on holiday, and only half-fee for mindees holiday.

Original poster

shreddies · 16/06/2008 20:53

No, four weeks. I'm in London, all the childminders round here charge that - so do the nurseries. That's why it's buggered us, we have to take our leave when she does, we can't afford to pay two sets of fees

OP posts:

HappyMummyOfOne · 16/06/2008 20:57

I can understand a nursery charging as there is always cover so you never have to worry. A childminder is s/e and if she cant provide the service then you shouldnt have to pay otherwise you have to pay 2 lots of childcare if you cant cover the time off yourself.

rookiemater · 16/06/2008 20:58

Shreddies, your concern about leaving your DS with an unknown CM isn't pfb at all, it's completely natural.

One of the reasons I use a CM rather than a nursery is because of the set up where he is spending time with a very small number of children of different ages, with one sole carer. If you are suddenly in the position of having to find alternative care for a 4 week period at short notice, then it does call into question the whole set up.

I hope you get it sorted out.

My2Weegirls · 16/06/2008 20:59

my cm is away just now for 3 weeks - however, we had about 6 months notice and she asked the other cm's if any of them could help out and take bith dds. none could take both of them together so they are at a different one each.

i'd ask her tomorrow, maybe something is up if it's out of character.

(and both my dds had a great time today at the holiday cm's)

vInTaGeVioLeT · 16/06/2008 21:00

4 weeks paid is fair and ncma recommended BUT still excessive to take it all in one block - not many employers would let you take a 4 week break in school holidays as that is when most people[with kids] want to take holidays - i'd be really unhappy if she were my c.m - why not just phone her and discuss it?

Paddlechick666 · 16/06/2008 21:03

Have a look in your contract and see what it says about giving holiday notice etc.

I'm in London too and my CM get's 4 weeks holiday 2 weeks paid and 2 weeks unpaid. I generally take one of her weeks off and she has 2 CM friends who can cover the other week for me if necessary.

I'd say your CM is feeling a bit embarrassed about the short notice of the increased period hence the letter.

If you want to stay on good terms and not move I'd ask her if she has any CM friends who can cover. You might find your ds is already familiar with them and their mindees.

I know my CM and her 2 friends actively bring all the mindees together a couple of times per week to promote a good "cover" scenario. My dd is very happy and comfortable with all 3 CMs and I think she benefits from the extra socialising too.

I also pay monthly so that it's a regular amount and my CM then doesn't have unpaid weeks when on holiday etc. Helps with the childcare voucher thing too.

tangarine · 16/06/2008 21:08

I'm in London too.

My ds2's c/m charges full whack in all the holidays (half terms as well) whether or not ds goes. When he was full time it didn't make any difference but I got a real shock when he started school. I was expecting to pay the full rate if he went in the hols, but term time rate if he didn't go either through my choice or hers (this is what we did with ds1's c/m). She also takes 3 weeks off in the summer hols, which I have to pay for at full rate.

But she is really nice, ds2 loves her, she will also take ds1 if he needs cover and when I thought about it I either paid her a few hundred quid a year extra (through gritted teeth the first year) or I uprooted ds2 after 4 years with her. There's also a slightly scary childminder mafia around here and I didn't want to get on the wrong side of them .

Original poster

shreddies · 16/06/2008 21:10

I know vintage violet, that is a sensible suggestion but I don't want to interrupt her evening, I'll talk to her about it when I next see her. Paddlechick thanks for that, the childminder she has in mind might be fine, I know they are friends and that DS has met her, I'm just pissed off at how she's handled it

OP posts:

tangarine · 16/06/2008 21:14

Oh, and I would expect a conversation, even if it were slightly awkward, about holidays instead of a letter (though I'd need the dates written down to transfer onto my calendar at home).

alittleone2 · 16/06/2008 21:14

Message withdrawn

MindingMum · 16/06/2008 21:28

I agree that you should have had more notice but I am surprised that fellow childminders feel that it is unreasonable that a childminder would take a month off in one go.

I take the whole of December off every year. I explain this to parents when they first come to see me and it's never been a problem - surely this is one of the benefits of self employment?

vInTaGeVioLeT · 16/06/2008 22:25

Mindingmum - your case is slightly different - the parents know before they choose you! this c/m has just landed it on shreddies unexpectedly.
of course you're entitled to work when ever you like as am i BUT this does seem unfair?

MindingMum · 17/06/2008 09:52

Yes you are right, I hadn't read the whole thing through

saltire · 17/06/2008 10:01

Just a thought, but is she going into hospital? It could explain why the sudden needing 4 weeks off in one go?

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