To be off sick?

[BitOfFun2026]

Posting here for traffic. I know it's brutal so I'm prepared. Been struggling mentally for a little while, mostly due to absolutely unreasonable work demands and stress (also ASD and suspected ADHD).

Been supporting a project at work which I'm not knowledgeable about at all - literally they've sent me info I've written a project plan and they've then sent me updates so changed the plan.

There's a meeting tomorrow with quite a lot of senior people to review the plan - other than taking notes so I can update I can't see what my function is. It's a six-hour meeting for a plan with a few lines, in a city an hour away which means I need to get the train. I'm usually off on a Friday so mentally not prepared.

Spoke to my boss earlier today about something else and cried on him. But he didn't suggest I don't go tomorrow. I have a doctor's appointment in the morning where I'm fully expecting them to say take some time off.

Do I message in sick now and let them all down (although would just mean someone else taking notes - and I've had no feedback today on what I needed for tomorrow) or do I plaster on a brave face and soldier through

NHS middle management and looking at other threads I know I'm not alone!

Why are you required to be there if you’re not contracted to work on a Friday?

Because I swapped my days around this week so I could attend (initially thinking I was needed)

So 60 hours a week but being paid for 37.5 is ok by you?

So its never ok to take sick leave then? Either "working" or " quitting " no in-between of temporarily not being well enough to work? Ridiculous stance.
OP take some time off. It sounds like you don't feel well enough to work tomorrow at least.

@BitOfFun2026goven you at working such a ridiculous number of hours currently a good starting point would be to speak to your manager and tell them you are feeling unwell and from next week need to stick to your salaried hours in order to recover. You could also ask GP for a fit note to confirm you can work but only at a reduced workload.

It doesn't sound like this is the job for you. Time to quit

Don’t suggest quitting without getting something else lined up.

Maybe - but if you hate a job as much as OP does then it might be better for her mental health to just leave

No, she can go off sick if her MH is suffering.

@TheFilliesWillRiseAgain and who will pay my bills then?

Update: I have taken today off sick. I feel very guilty about letting them down. Don't know if I'll go back next week or wait and see how long before I can start the new job. GP appointment this morning was absolutely worse than useless as always

Maybe apply for a job at the GP surgery? The staff at many are not good enough

@TheFilliesWillRiseAgain If there were any suitable jobs out there I would have applied for them, GP Surgery or elsewhere. There are no suitable roles that exist for me in GP surgeries anyway

Absolutely drives me up the wall when people say 'just quit, your MH is more important' as if the stress and long term debt impact of having no money to pay your bills or buy food wouldnt hurt your MH!

You are absolutely right to go off sick - organisations are not built around having no staff off on sick ever, life will carry on without you. Take some time off and let your stress levels/nervous system calm down a tiny bit and you'll be able to figure out what next steps are.
Wishing you the best xx

Fellow sickie here. Feeling guilty will hamper your recovery. Take care of yourself.

I’m off with shingles from a nursery riddled with chicken pox. I couldn’t go to my second job last night, so I’ll lose money, and I’ve been met with a deafening silence when I messaged about sick pay.

Staff don’t worry about us when we’re sick- so just concentrate on feeling stronger for now.

@Thundertoast Thank you, yes it's so unhelpful! I'm single with a large mortgage as well so absolutely nobody to fall back on if I quit!

@NormasArse I'm so sorry to hear you are poorly, it sounds awful. I used to have a second job too but quit last year and wish I hadn't, currently looking again.

Why was the GP useless? Did the GP refuse to sign you off?

@Specialityblueberries No I don't need to ask about that until I've been off for a week. Was all put down as probably hormones that's all

Sorry you're not feeling well, taking the time off is likely the right choice for you.

However, (at least where I work), it is not uncommon for the author of any document to be present at a review of it, they are generally expected to be able to talk about the document, answer any questions or provide any clarifications people may need about it - not just quietly take notes for updating it later.

I wouldn't be surprised if the meeting has been postponed until you are back and able to attend. - Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear.

You’re done the right thing.

make a new appointment with a different doctor and insist on sign off. Tell them what you need from them and ask them what they’re going to do about it.

feel better love!

Also an NHS employee (8a so assuming similar grade) and have suffered in the past with work stress on a background of then-undiagnosed and untreated anxiety and OCD so I do understand how it feels to be overwhelmed. BUT by the sounds of it you were asked to get a train, attend a meeting, not even contribute particularly, take some notes, and go home? None of that is unreasonable? Are you off sick because you're genuinely mentally not well or because you want to avoid that specific meeting?

@owlpassport It's absolutely not because of that meeting (which has gone ahead just fine without me @BoredWithLife) I had booked a train as well and was fully intending to attend. I just got completely overwhelmed yesterday and ended up crying for hours yesterday afternoon. I just can't cope with the workload anymore