AIBU to write-off men who use Snapchat?

[ChillYoga]

Back on the dating scene, aged 35, after splitting with my husband a few years ago. Using dating sites and have met some nice guys just no one I have wanted to persue further or had that spark with. If I’m chatting with someone and they ask if I have Snapchat, rather than my phone number/WhatsApp etc, I automatically just write them off. AIBU to think that men over 30 with Snapchat are using it to send/receive nudes or cheat?? Fully think I’m probably being judgemental, but after splitting with my ex, partly due to him cheating, of which much of it was over Snapchat, I can’t decide whether I’m being too harsh!

Note, I did have a Snapchat account when it first came out and used it to send funny pics between friends for all of about 3 months til the novelty wore off and we all just went back to using text/whatsapp/facebook messenger! I was in a relationship at the time, but friends who were single did have issues with receiving unsolicited dick pics and random accs adding them, which I feel might also be adding to my general perception of it!

My friends kids use it as a massive Group Chat forum more than anything, from what I can gather, but these are youngsters aged 18-24!

I would. I think it is highly suspicious not only for reasons you described but also they are more likely to pursue younger women (and, possibly, underaged too).

You can write off anyone for any reason; you dont need people to approve, you dont need permission. If something gives you the ick, thats enough. Whether Sharon agrees, or Debbie thinks youre being OTT is irrelevant.

Drop them.

Haha thanks but no one is approving or disapproving- I just realised maybe I am being a bit prejudiced because of my experience with my ex mainly, and thought I’d put it out there to see if I was being unreasonably harsh. Thanks though xx

Go with your gut, your reasoning isnt forever, its just now. Youre doing what youre happy with right now, let yourself make the boundaries even if others may say its OTT. Good luck

Yanbu at all! Instant ick and proof that he dates very young girls

So what happens if you then say that you're not on SnapChat and offer WhatsApp or texting or FB messaging or any other app? Does the man in question evaporate? If so, that's probably your answer.

Since my teen DDs are on Snapchat, I must admit my first thought was of similar suspicions to yours and PPs'.

but equally my DSis is on SnapChat and she is early 50s.

You're 100% right. Everyone used to have Snapchat but like you say, for funny videos/pics etc.
Plenty of people my age (35) still have the app, but they don't use it for conversations. Just filters etc. Avoid like the plague.

For what its worth I agree with you OP. I can’t think of a single reason that a grown adult with nothing to hide would want to use snapchat to talk rather than text/whatsapp. The whole point of snapchat is to send photos that disappear a few seconds later and the chat option also disappears, it’s all very easy to hide and I don’t know why that would be the chosen form of communication unless you’re worried about something being seen.

I would base him using snap chat on if he has teen kids. If he does then assume that’s how he chats to his kids and ok - if he doesn’t have teen/20s kids then ick!!!

So you would be fine if they not interested in you for one thing you do?

And will your list keep on getting longer? Shops at the wrong supermarket, buys the wrong brand of coffee?

Logic would say:

You dont really know what they do or want to do on Snapchat.

Don't bin them off.
Give them a chance
If they turn out to be losers, bin them
If over 50% of the first ten get binned then you have evidence for your initial prejudice

I completely agree with you, it would be an instant no from me too, at 30.

I thought snapchat was only for cheats when it first came out. I wouldn't trust that someone of an age to have a committed relationship would need it.

I don't like it for any age but could understand why a youngster might want it. But a grown man should be too grown up for snapchat, otherwise you're just dating an overgrown teenager.

I just asked my 17 yo DD a very very hard NO with some swearing too anyone over 20 is bad apparently 🤣

Thanks I get what your saying, but no because none of those things give me the ick and make me question his maturity, honestly or loyalty. Anything that does tho, then it will be added to the list! At the moment that list to discount immediately is just 1.Gives me the ick😂

Thanks I do offer an alternative, they ask if I’m on it and I say No, and don’t initiate any further convo with them. In my eyes an adult with nothing to hide and who isn’t just going to plague you with unsolicited dick pics will prob offer up another messaging platform instead of just straight to Snapchat.

I do have one older friend who is on it, but she uses it to keep track on her teens via the locator on it, and they sometimes send her silly pics or videos and it keeps her feeling included and close to them. But she’s a 46 yo woman and only has 3 friends on it, her kids

Sorry predictive that meant to say I DONT offer an alternative🙈

Yet if a man gets the ick and breaks up with a woman over one thing he gets ripped apart

Sure if it works for you great i just wouldn't be surprised if you end up being a revolving door

God forbid we have standards. Yes, some of them may be silly and arbitrary...to you. For others, shopping in a wrong supermarket may be a sign of financial incompatibility, for example. I briefly dated someone who shopped exclusively at Waitrose and even M&S food was low bar for him. No problem when I stayed at his, big problem when he stayed at mine as I couldn't afford to cook for us on a regular basis. Besides, the snobbery really got to me after a while.

And for the record, a man can break up with me for any reason including me shopping at Lidl.

I would be suspicious that he is a moron. I instantly delete the Snapchat/Instagram ones

And what difference would it make if she did.

She can discount anyone for any reason, the reason has a relevance to them.

Like I said originally OP; you set your reasons; and it doesnt matter if someone disagrees, and if they tell you to lower your standards, you dont have to justify your reasoning to anyone.

i appreciate your comments, but a revolving door I am not… in fact entirely the opposite! More like a reinforced door in a high security prison I’m being that picky! These guys aren’t getting past a handful of msgs on a dating app! With 92% agreeing on the poll I think I’m probably justified and I’m not that desperate or desperate at all, to want to engage further with anyone that doesn’t fit the criteria I’m looking for. It’s just standards, everyone’s are different but this post has shown me I’m not the only who holds similar standards to me

”I would be suspicious that he is a moron”🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👌❤️