DS dating 20 year age gap

[Takeachanceagainsttheodds]

Weird one for me…. DS started dating an older woman a few months ago by 20 years - he’s mid twenties. Now I’ve been totally accepting/ taken in my stride as I was with his dad (married) 20 years before he passed 15 years ago and we also had an age gap. I was in my 20s he was in his 40s when we got together so I said to DS well I can’t judge I’ve no leg to stand on! Yes she’s nice, friendly etc….but I do still feel a bit weird about it. Maybe it’s because I know there will never be a future involving grandkids due to her age but also as she’s only 7 years younger than me I know what a bitch peri menopause can be and I don’t want him going through that at home as well as when he’s at hers!
I’ve a feeling it’s a bit of infatuation and will fizzle out eventually so am I best to keep on being quiet as I have done so far and let things take their course? On the other hand would love to point out potential pitfalls before he falls too deep but I don’t want to be ‘that’ mum …. AIBU just to let him live his life and not get involved?

I applaud your restraint

Awful for her when she had a similar age gap? Why awful for her?

More weird than the OP’s late husband?

This means he does still see his own friends but he’s not introduced her to them or even told them about their relationship.

Her not meeting his friends or him telling them he's dating someone is unusual a few months into a relationship. Is he hiding his relationship with her?

It is weird and it is gross. Even when Sienna Miller does it.

On the other hand would love to point out potential pitfalls before he falls too deep

What pitfalls would you like to point out that he genuinely wouldn’t have already thought of himself? He’s not stupid. He knows what he’s doing surely. Leave him to it!

I agree 20 years plus is never going to work, 10 yrs gap max i think...for any kind of long term relationship

Many a fine tune played on an old fiddle. Your son is happy and healthy, let him be and be grateful!

I'd not be too enthusiastic about this, however I'd keep my mouth shut and wait for it to fizzle out, which it will.

I don't like the misogynistic "perimenopausal women should be avoided" crap I'm seeing on this thread, though. Absolutely reprehensible.

No normal woman in her right mind would want a man that young.

Well if he continues to follow Emmanuel Macron's path he may end up prime minister one day!

I would definitely discuss this with my child.
I would be really uncomfortable with this if it was my son or daughter.

Macron was 14. Grooming minors is against the law these days.

You let him be. He's not introduced her to his friends you said, so perhaps he is just taking it for what it is - a fun relationship with a woman who he shares a hobby with. I think you're jumping the gun here OP talking about long term relationship and children etc.

But, either way there is nothing you can do and I don't think you should be offering him unsolicited advice about perimenopause either!

To those who thought it inappropriate to talk about contraception, whilst it may seem difficult to do, I think it is valid. A 20 something man may have grown up seeing porn with the expectation that sex should be without condoms.

I can understand it taking you by surprise, and I can understand the discomfort. However you need to check yourself on comments regarding fertility and peri menopause.