Hi,
I just wanted some insight please. We’ve been separated for six months and recently (about a week ago) he said he wanted us to try again even if there’s a 1% chance that things could be different this time around. But
- He’s awful with money to the point bailiffs have come to our house before
- His parents were controlling towards me and intervened in our marriage a lot and despite at one point seeing this, he now doesn’t see anything wrong with them and denies any controlling behaviour and minimises their wrongdoing
- He’s an avoidant when he’s called out on the above. He isn’t scared of intimacy but when he’s confronted about the above he says he feels suffocated and wants to shut the convo down or leave the roomHe finds it difficult to take accountability.
The reasons why I wonder if I’d regret divorce
- My daughter does love him and I’ll always wonder if we could’ve made it work for her
- He’s not a bad person, he had undiagnosed ADHD and autism until he met me and has had childhood trauma that he refuses to accept. He has learnt avoidant behaviours to survive but now he applies that to our marriage and sees everything as an attack
- I’ve never seen evidence of any cheating or anything sinister like that
I think for a lot of people the cons outweigh the pros I guess, but I’ll always wonder what if?
Despite saying he wants to try again, he hasnt done much to try again. We went out as a family last Thursday but that was suggested by me. Apart from that he’s not really done anything. He says he’s hurt as I did do a social services referral following our separation as I felt uncomfortable sending my daughter to his parents house after how controlling they were with me and how they’ve at times over stepped the mark when it came to her. The assessment concluded that there’s no evidence of current harm towards her. He says he’s finding it hard to move past the fact that I called social services for an assessment despite the fact I clarified I did this for peace of mind given my lived experiences from living there. But he says he wants to try again. I felt as though I needed to do the assessment for my peace of mind as midwives and health visitoes also raised concerns about their behaviour towards me and I felt as though it allowed me to be reassured after the assessment was done that she can go there although I do question how genuine they are with my daughter as I feel they only bother with her now that they’ve got their son back and they want to prove a point that the care about her (as we were no contact for almost 1.5 years with them on and off as they never really bothered with her previously when he lived with me) but as the assessment saw no current risk I’ve allowed her to go there.