Mental load and 'big job'

[Boxingshibes]

Its not really an aibu. But I keep reading about the mental load woman have.
I work ft often travelling weeks at a time.
I do have older teenagers who are somewhat self sufficient.
But there is still a mental load.
Dh is medically retired and really has stepped up in the last few years but ....
I still have to do all the shopping ( food thoughts and ordering) and 95% of the cooking.
What's for supper? Really annoys me, but dds are fussy but he can't seem to remember also if he does cook he'll do something he's seen on YouTube that has weird stuff in it no one likes then complains no one appreciates hus cooking! Arggh
I also do all the laundry.
He does do all the cleaning, hoovering and diy.
Its so much better than it was but I'm tired.
Anyone else feel the same?

They must cook when you're travelling weeks at a time? Let the three of them figure it out!

He doesn't cook, they kind of forage in freezer or i prep meals for them

You're enabling all this. Stop doing all the shopping and stop prepping meals for when you're away.

Do your teenage daughters cook? If not, why not? My DD loves doing a TikTok recipe- there’s some great inspiration on there - and we mostly like what she cooks. You might find they become less fussy if they are cooking the evening meal

You shouldn’t have to do stuff for them when you’re away travelling for work and they should give you support when you’re back.

Because you keep doing stuff, you’re enabling the status quo, so nothing will change. Stop doing stuff or delegate to a family member and see what happens. Also, when ive done this, I’ve had to adapt and understand that not everything is done in the way I do it or to my standards (that’s quite tough at times!)

OK, well let them get on with it. I'd be teaching the older teens a few simple recipes as they are almost adults. If they're fussy they might cook for him if he always clears up, but how they figure it out between them is not your problem. I'd make sure you're away a good bit til they get used to the fact you're not meal prepping any more!

The youngest will actually cook they are very good but have been ill recently. Oldest will use airfryer or microwave.
Its the fact that he doesn't think about feeding them.

Hmm I know this is a helpful message but I still dont think the teenagers should be the ones cooking when there is a non-working adult in the house. Men are adults - and the bar for them should be higher than female children (the latter who presumably have study and all the usual teen occupations to focus on).

My DD enjoys cooking and often asks if she can do one of her recipes … so why not? It’s a life skill. She’s in her final year of A levels and it’s not impacting on her studies at all

Well of course you're right, it's rubbish that he doesn't think about feeding his children. If he wanted to do better, he could.

I just don't think you should be running around in circles trying to make up for his incompetence. I wouldn't meal prep any more.

Your DH sounds like a disgrace. He managed to hold down a job presumably for some decades but "can't remember" to arrange appropriate meals for his own children? WTAF!!!

Just stop doing it, they will survive. Warn them all if you like and tell the kids dad will feed you

In his defence he cleans and walks the dogs.
But I do agree he should be cooking things they will eat even if he doesn't like it.

Well, yes, he should.
He's a fussy eater too then?
Presumably you manage to think of a range of suppers that everyone eats? If he wanted he to ask you how to cook those.

Sorry, justgottadoit, i think this is to me and I am definitely not suggesting your DD shouldnt try out her recipes for her family to enjoy. Its a great life skill before going off to uni and a super hobby to encourage.

My point was that OP’s teens shouldnt have to learn to cook in order to get fed when she’s away. Not when they’ve got a Dad at home with plenty of time on his hands.