AIBU for using group chat for child handovers?

[pollypkt]

My ex and I struggle to communicate well as he has been very verbally abusive in the past. Normally by WhatsApp. (This is something he’s always denied, despite me being granted an emergency non-mol in 2022 due to this. But he denies it all because he knows I’m not one to contact his family with evidence)
After not seeing our child for almost a 6 months due to one of his episodes, where I then refused to meet with him, we are back in contact. However we’ve been communicating through his dad who I’ve never had any issues with. Last week after speaking to his dad we agreed that I should make a WhatsApp group with him, his dad and my parents as they support me with our child. That way all communication can be seen by everyone who may be involved in dropping off or collecting our child. I also wanted this because I felt that he wouldn’t message me the things he does if he knew others could see. He has completely refused to engage and left the group as he doesn’t feel like he needs to be a part of any group and insists I must communicate with him directly and privately. I have said that if he doesn’t wanna communicate in the group, then any arrangement to see our child will continue to be through his dad. His dad is okay with this. He is not. AIBU?

A person has been abusive to you in the past. You need to continue to communicate with this person. You don't want to risk future abuse. You've offered 2 options: indirect communication through a 3rd person or direct communication in front of witnesses.

Seems reasonable to me

Sounds fine to me. He's only bothered that his control is slipping.

Because he doesn't want to mind his manners in front of everyone. Twat.

My XH was very much like this,even 5 years later doesn't want my Dad to think of him as the Bad Guy and is nice as pie to him.My Dad isn't stupid and has seen and heard enough to see through it.

We went through a stage of him gaslighting me with visits/contact etc. and if he was suddenly busy with a new gf,would pretend we'd never arranged anything - leaving me with a little boy with his coat and shoes on in tears. So I subscribed to one of those co-parenting calendar/note app type things so we could arrange everything clearly.

Refused to even try it it,as didnt want to be held accountable to ANYTHING.

He doesn't get to insist anything. Block his number after telling him he will communicate by use of a parenting app. He can then document his tantrums in a court approved app.

I think that sounds very reasonable. And well done his Dad.

Use one of the apps that courts recommend for communication

We were using one when he began his last month long message harassment.

We were using a parenting app when he started his harassment last time. It went on for a month despite me not responding after the first day.

They sound like twins lol