To ask DH to get up in the morning if WFH?

[visitacastle]

Title doesn’t fully explain so bear with me.

This isn’t a massive big deal or anything but I am wondering.

DH usually works in the office; it’s a long commute so he leaves at 7am. He works from home twice a week and I work on these days.

We have two children. Usually they wake at a reasonably civilised time but every six weeks or so our youngest (2) seems to go through a spate of very early wake ups, around 530. I get up with her but honestly it is a bit exasperating listening to DHs peaceful snores.

Every so often he’ll announce he’s WFH on a day I don’t work and I never know whether it’s reasonable or not to say ‘OK - you can take DD then!’ On the one hand I think well, he’s working but on the other I think so am I and he doesn’t get up on those days! So thought I’d ask here.

Heaven forbid he shares childcare…

What do your weekends look like? Are you part time? Absolutely he needs to do some mornings and let you sleep in but if he’s letting you sleep till midday on a weekend I’d have a different response than if you do all weekends too

Does anyone with a two year old sleep until midday? I hope not …

What are you doing the other 5 days of the week? If you’re with the kids all day then I think that’s different. But weekends for sure should be split.

I worked just part time 3 days a week when ours were babies and if there was an early wake up on days I wasn’t working, then I’d deal with the kids. If it was a day we both worked, we’d take turns. That seems reasonable to me.

I have an almost 2 year old and we take turns to do breakfast and his morning activity on a Saturday. The other one can do what they want with the free time and yes I’ve definitely stayed in bed until midday or he wakes up from his nap about 2.30pm on occasion!

Back to the point though, he should definitely be taking some of the early mornings when he can!

I work two days (I do say this in my OP) and I am with the two year old for the thee remaining days. Weekends are weekends; kids activities, parties etc.

Yes he should be sharing the early starts. Especially on the days you work and he is WFH.

You are the childcare for the other three days, enabling him to go to work. You both need to share weekends, early mornings, evenings accordingly.

Just nudge him in the ribs and tell him it’s his turn and put a pillow over your head! I definitely sleep more lightly but that’s difficult to ignore…

If he’s working and you’re not you should get up. But if your both working take it in turns.
on a weekend we each get a lay in til 10ish. The other gets up and sorts kids

I think he should take a share early wake-ups regardless of work days. You’re working too, you’re either doing solo childcare or working at your job. If he can get up at 5.30, look after the toddler for 60 minutes before he has a shower and leaves for work then he should take turns doing that. And definitely on WFH days. You both need your fair share of sleep to do what you do, maybe you do 4 mornings and he does 3.

Looking after a 2 year old is harder than many wfh jobs! I think YANBU you should be sharing more equally. Tell him on days he is WFH you can take it in turns to get up at 5.30. Just make sure he doesn’t conveniently start having to go into the office more as a result 🙄

Is husband asleep throughout the 5:30 party? Or does he wake up and choose to do nothing?

YABVU. He's working those days, you're not. If you want a different balance you need to go back to work full time.

OP what's your reason that you think he shouldn't get up with the kids on days when you're working and he is working from home?

Have you ever looked after two very young children from 5:30 in the morning until bedtime? The OP is working, believe me.

I am a SAHM and we share the early mornings in the week and on the weekend! We don’t take score and of course there are exceptions if he’s had a huge project/working late at night etc but it’s usually 50/50!

I find it really hard to go back to bed after getting up, whereas DH is able to do a few hours of childcare and then nap/doze, so on his WFH days he will often get up with the children if they wake early and let me sleep in until 7:30 or so, then I tag in and he goes back to bed for an hour before a quick shower and logging on ready to start the day. Would that work for you? Otherwise yes, I think it’s fair to take turns unless he has a particularly difficult day ahead.

That’s a totally subjective opinion. I worked part time when my children were very little and I found my days at home easier than working days. Yes, it was very busy (three pre schoolers!) I think anyone would be daft to say it’s not. But definitely less pressure than working.

What time are the children waking up apart from these few days in 6 weeks when it's 5.30? Because if its after your dh has got up then maybe he sees it that he's up earlier than you several days a week because of his work then it's fair you do a few early wakeups every 6 weeks.

With an early wake I will usually go and deal with it, then hand over to DH at a slightly more reasonable time. E.g. if 5.30 then I will bung the baby over to him at 6.30/6.45 and go back to bed for an hour or so while he does the breakfast and getting dressed. This only happens on days he's wfh otherwise he's out the door too early.

Childcare is a 24/7 job. When my husband isn't doing his 9-5, he's sharing childcare equally and each of us takes on a bit more or less to help the other out depending on our stress/ energy levels.