I am in my 40s and for the past few years I have had a memory pop up in my head. I know it's abuse and I know it definitely happened but I think my this memory for some reason. I can't share it with anyone as it sounds weird and I feel odd about telling anyone.
I have a brother who is 22 years older than me (same parents but they had him young and me on the older end). His children are close in age to me and as kids we spent a lot of time together. My brother would take me on family holidays etc. He would also bully me and call me names etc. It was a strange relationship were he would be very fun and caring but verbally abusive - the verbal abuse was all in the form of 'jokes' so if I got upset then the blame would be on me for not having a good sense of humour. He still does this, for example straight after I had a baby his favourite joke was how my kid looks nothing like his father. Not congratulations or hope you're all doing well but he did go to the effort to call.
I would often have a sleepover with my nieces who were slightly younger than me at my brothers' house which was a few hours drive from my parents. One time when I was there I was sleeping on the floor on a sleeping bag but I wasn't yet asleep and I was reading a book under the covers. It was quite late and I knew I should be asleep and my younger nieces were fast asleep in the same room on their beds. I heard someone coming up the stairs and the door open so I quickly hid the book under my pillow and pretended to sleep. I could tell it was my brother who walked in and thought he was probably popping in to the room to check if we were all asleep. He walked over past me and sat on the end of my nieces bed behind me and started stroking my bum over the covers. I remember feeling really weird and confused - I was around 11 or 12. I decided to stay very still and continue to pretend I was asleep and after a few minutes (I think it was a few minutes as I don't recall the details) he left the room.
This memory popped up out of the blue from no where a couple of years ago and it's made me wonder if it was a one of occurrence or if I have suppressed other memories. I have limited contact with my brother but he has a way of triangulating people around him - my mother, siblings and his children. I have reduced contact with most of my family, mostly to protect my children.
I don't really know how to process this memory. It's not affecting my day to day but all the recent Epstein stuff in the news and somehow the Prince Andrew stuff has been triggering.
My brother had an affair with a teenager when he was in his late 30s and was caught by his wife by private detective she had hired. I was a kid but I remember overhearing my parents talking about it and my eldest niece knew too. I have a feeling it may not have been a one off thing and as I have a teenage daughter now I intuitively have become very distant from family as she got closer to her teenage years. I don't even understand (still) what my brother was doing that evening but I have this strong gut feeling to keep a distance.