To think I am potentially neurodiverse?

[whatsgoingoninmybrain]

I’ve had these thoughts for a while now. I’m a woman.

They first really started when I had therapy about 4 years ago. I described a situation to the therapist where I was feeling really overwhelmed, nothing had gone right that day and all I could focus on was how scratchy my jumper was, and I had to get it off. The bus was too loud, the rain was too heavy, and she asked if I had ever considered whether I should be assessed for autism.

I have never been “normal”. I’ve always been the odd one out. I struggled socially my whole life, struggle with eye contact and much prefer my own company.

I don’t want to toot my own horn but im incredibly intelligent. I have a very good memory and always succeeded at school/university with minimal effort.

I am very bad with the unknown. I become incredibly anxious to the point I can barely function. I need everything explaining in great detail - down to the minute of what will happen. I spend ages researching new experiences, so I know exactly what to expect. I will watch 20 different YouTube videos about the same thing so that I know.

I need structure. If anything deviates from the structure I really struggle. If something changes (e.g. bus being late), I will get upset to the point I either cry or am physically really angry, I shake and find it hard to simmer down.

i have strict rules for myself - set bedtime and wake up time, if I deviate from either of those I feel like the next day/the day ahead is ruined.

i fixate on things to the point it isn’t healthy, I will spend hours upon hours reading about, researching and talking about the same things.

I don’t know if it’s neurodiversity or something else, but sometimes I just feel like my brain is a bit broken and I wish I could be normal. I function daily at work etc., but struggle outside of it. Like I’m so burnt out by the day, all I can do after is sort of shrink away from the world.

Honestly it sounds like textbook adult female autism. Would a diagnosis be meaningful or useful for you? Could you afford to go private?

I honestly don’t know. I think it would be useful to know, for sure, so I can spot the patterns and try and learn ways to improve on these behaviours, although I am trying to do that anyway by pushing myself out of my comfort zone. But I do also think it would be kind of pointless now. I’m out of education and in a workplace I love, so I don’t see how it would be useful at this stage of my life.

Our local autism service recommends the book "Unmasking Autism" by Devon Price, and a few friends who have later found they are autistic have found this useful as a place to explore further some of their experiences.

How did you manage to go through life so far? Marriage, kids?

Your workplace may change in future, as may other aspects of your life.

You do sound quite textbook. I would ask GP for a referral for assessment. You don't seem to be in a hurry so 6-12 months on a waiting list isn't going to cause harm.

Sometimes it's not enough with autism to just push yourself out of your comfort zone - that may not be effective. If it is autism then you may be able to find or apply more useful strategies.

Sounds like autism to me, @whatsgoingoninmybrain .

If you feel that a diagnosis would help you, then go for it (although be warned that there’s currently an extremely long waiting list for assessment- like five years- so you’d be better off going private if you can afford it).

It might help you to accept the fact that you are not “broken”. There is an absolute wealth of information out there that could help you further understand and find strategies to help.

@fossiltherapist where do you live where the waiting list is only 6-12 months?

I’m single, no kids. But under 30, so I don’t think that’s a surprise.

I'd use Right to Choose before going private.

It sounds like you already know you’re autistic, and you have built a life that affords you kindness and grace. There’s no need to get a diagnosis as long as you continue to thrive. Some people find a diagnosis useful in order to obtain reasonable accommodations at work etc.

i’m only the mum of an autistic teen girl but i don’t think you should be necessarily pushing out of your comfort zones. I think the best might be to keep enjoying your job and structures, allowing yourself downtime, being kind to yourself and congratulating yourself for navigating a NT world! Hopefully some adult autistic women can offer more advice

I’ve just read odd girl out by Laura James and found it really informative. Might be worth a look .

I kind of enjoy it. Like a challenge to myself. For example I’m going on a solo trip next week, but if I get overwhelmed and just want to head back to the hotel and eat snacks, I will

Yes it sound like you could well be autistic. Have you done any of the screener questionnaires? If not, there are some here/

https://embrace-autism.com/autism-tests/

I had an autism diagnosis a few years ago and I found it very helpful. Incidentally, my psychiatrist who is one of the most experienced in the UK at diagnosing autism and ADHD is of the opinion that everyone who is autistic also has ADHD. In a way, an ADHD diagnosis is even more useful because there is very effective treatment for that.

What was you like as a child OP?
My cousin is autistic, diagnosed when she was 37. Sounds exactly like you. She also won't watch any new films (she watches Dirty Dancing, Fern Gully & Notting Hill. That's it)
Certain clothes are a no no too but she is really high up in her job in health and safety. She can remember peoples birthdays who she went to primary school with too. There is no harm in going for a assessment xx

@illbetheresunorrain Even if the OP did have DC and was married, it would have no bearing on an autism diagnosis. I am autistic and ADHD, married previously, long term partner now, DC. They are all neurodivergent too.

As @KillTheTurkey describes, it's perfect valid to take a strengths based approach (and this applies to anyone, neurodivergent or not) and build a life that works for you. The discovery that that's ok to do is a revelation.

I was diagnosed with autism and adhd and it changed everything - for the positive.

It's been a breakthrough for me now being able to navigate life in a much, much better way. My anxiety is now minimal, I'm much more confident, I've learned how to unmask and so life is far less exhausting.

You definitely have a lot of traits that are common with Autistic women.

The thing is - honestly, neurotypical people don't spend time wondering if they're neurodiverse!

Consider a diagnosis. It's been the best thing I've ever done.

I had to reply to this because it made me chuckle. My thing is that I cannot/will not watch any film or read any book more than once because I already know what happens. Except Home Alone on Christmas Eve.

I was 38 when I was diagnosed with adhd last year. Originally I did it for my son, but since I've found it so unbelievably important- I understand myself more, give myself more kindness/grace and have found ways to support myself through others with adhd. Go through the right to choose path and see what a professional thinks, if anything your learn about yourself just by completing the forms. I'm a teacher and the number of teen girls not being diagnosed when struggling and them years later they get a diagnosis of autism as an adult is far higher than before. Remember,, the majority of research has always been conducted with males in mind so we are still learning. Good luck!

Sounds textbook autism to me. I would really recommend assessment, but if you're happy self identifying and have made good accommodations for yourself then that is cool too.