How do you actually start over and rebuild from the ground up?

[YourQuaintPeer]

Not talking about a minor setback. I mean when you feel like things have genuinely unravelled - career, finances, relationships, confidence. If you’ve had to start again in your 30s (or later), what did that actually look like?

What was the first move? What did you stop doing? What did you focus on?

I’d really value practical insight rather than just “it gets better.”

Started saying no and holding my boundaries. Only chose to do things that felt right, were aligned with my values or helped move me towards my goals. Stopped giving a shit what others thought. Got therapy! Lots of manifesting and following social media creators that brought me joy and healing. Stepped away from anything and anyone that didn’t serve me any more.

Following as same position

Get a job. Always first. Even if it’s not a career. Take control of your finances by researching how to budget, save, build a pension. A year down the road you can think about relationships.

Depends what are you good at. Start there

I committed to fortnightly therapy for a year to work through a trauma I had experienced historically (and not dealt with), and also decided to use that year timespan to chip away at debts, and work on strengthening my boundaries against people and things that weren’t serving me. Everything wasn’t perfectly obviously after that year but it was defo a massive improvement from where I had started (a good 40percent improvement in my life I’d go as far as saying).

i restarted all over again 19 months ago. Not going to lie it was b hard. I’m still rebuilding. Friends have been invaluable. New job, new interests, using good professional help when needed. Bartering if necessary. Engaging with banks etc for help with debt. Not ignoring things. Deal with them. Break the problems down into smaller issues you can manage, and actually tackle them one by one. Ignoring stuff really isn’t an option. Get the basics sorted. Roof over your head, food etc. Don’t be too proud to accept whatever help there is or is offered.

got a new job I love, working really hard to progress after pretty much coasting with small children
took pension lump sum to pay off spiralling debt
cut out people who made me feel not good enough or belittled me
concentrated on the best thing I have succeeded at, my 3 amazing young adult sons
no social media
new ADs which have been life changing where so many have failed
faced things that scared me
went to a sociable, small PT class gym

at one time last year I couldn’t drive/ eat/ leave the house/ open the door/ sleep
i was literally living one massive panic attack. After seeing a mental health advocate I could say out loud I was worth staying alive, and I fought back
last year will never leave me, I didn’t want to try to stay alive

good luck, decide you are worth it

Following with interest, as am on the third cycle of this at 57 and my get up and go has well and truly fucked off. Little bit 🫤 at the "get a job" advice upthread, as sometimes it's just not that easy.

Left my husband. Did an MA. Did teacher training. All as a single parent. We lived in poverty for a while and were almost homeless at one point. I worked 3 jobs, one a night job because it was cash in hand, to keep a roof over our heads. There were weeks we existed on basic baked beans and savers cheapie white bread.

You keep putting one foot in front of the other. You work really fucking hard and aiming in a specific direction.

I’m 55, was made redundant from my job of 23 years. It took 6 months and a lot of rejection and fear to get my current one

life isn’t perfect but I’ve decided to concentrate on the things that matter to me most and cut EVERYTHING else out

you can do this

Local petrol station. Asda. McDonalds. Corner shop. ANYTHING.

If you're on the poverty line, you take anything you can.

I had good therapy. Realised my
marriage was over. Left. Rented a house. Sold family home. Bought new home. Got into a lot of debt but don’t regret it. Made damned sure I had a lot of fun. Prioritised exercise and my children.