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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want ex & kids dad back?

11 replies

seeepea · 23/02/2026 18:45

Basically I was in a long term relationship with my ex finance for over 10 years and had 2 kids who are under 5.

He was very nice and loving the first few years and even proposed marriage to me with a ring.

It all changed when his long lost brother came onto the scene.
Was out all the time with his brother, dropped everything for him at a drop of a hat.

Im not joking when I say this, his whole world resolved around him.
All he would do is talk about his brother, and he even told me he would always love his brother more than me.

Plans always were centred around his brothers life.

His brother is awful.
Multiple kids with various women.
Drug abuse issues.

Anyway it's all gone tits up between them as my ex was talking his brothers business to peoplez
He was telling his work mates about his brothers HMRC investigation for tax evasion and it could only be him as he was the only one who was aware of it.
It was all on Facebook apparently.

Now they have fallen out and it's been months since they spoken my ex came to me at the weekend about a reconciliation.

I declined.

He was awful to me in the relationship towards the end.
Verbal abuse.
He would say things like "If I had a decent women I would be spending New Year's Eve with her instead of going out with my brother".

I was relieved and happy when I finally kicked him out and changed the locks and never looked back.

Now his reasoning his I'm the love of his life and he wants to try again for the kids sake.

He says he has changed.

I already sold the engagement ring, burned all the cards he gave me.

OP posts:
InterestedDad37 · 23/02/2026 18:48

YANBU, by the sound of it! 👍

UnhappyHobbit · 23/02/2026 18:48

It’s a typical case where he has realised what he has lost.

Of course you’re doing the right thing, he has shown his true colours and what is to say that he won’t start behaving like a star struck child again the next time his brother comes crawling back.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 23/02/2026 18:48

he sounds weak and easily led. Yanbu

plentyofsunshine · 23/02/2026 18:50

Like a pp said, he's shown his true colours now.

Don't take him back.

Goodadvice1980 · 23/02/2026 18:58

In the bin 🗑️ he goes OP.

Tough luck for him, he threw a happy family life away.

Auroraloves · 23/02/2026 19:00

You’re well rid

toomuchfaff · 23/02/2026 19:02

Seems hes at the FO of the FAFO

Good on you for not taking the lowlife back. Yoy dont owe him an opportunity. Dont soften on that score.

shellyleppard · 23/02/2026 19:03

Your ex is just looking for a place to sleep.... tell him to trot on!!

Endofyear · 23/02/2026 19:14

I'd laugh in his face 🤣 tell him you wouldn't take him back if he were the last man on earth!

FelixRyark · 23/02/2026 19:20

He didn’t choose you when it mattered, he said cruel things he can’t take back, and your children deserve a stable parent—not someone who leaves when it suits him and comes back when he’s lonely.
Tell him plainly: “You made your choice, and I’m done. Do not confuse your fear of being alone with love, because I won’t let you walk in and out of my life again.”

seeepea · 23/02/2026 20:46

Thanks for the replies.
This went on for years, I initially thought it was just a phase but he just got worse.

Its like I don't love him anymore, over the years he chipped away at that.
I sold the engagement ring and burnt all the cards he gave me so I would be able to get closure and move on.
There's no coming back from that from my point of view.

In his eyes the second time round will be better etc but I'm not really feeling it and besides I have kind of meet someone else anyway (he dosent know).

OP posts:
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