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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

SIL started buttering up to MIL after being standoffish b***h for 25 years!

3 replies

Wrongsideof50 · 23/02/2026 16:08

So my SIL is a toxic person, we (my husband and I) don’t get along with her and never have despite us trying in the early days, but she never made it easy , she’s never liked us or my MIL/FIL and only used them for child care but on their terms (had to drive 2 hrs round trip to fetch grandkids for overnight babysitting even tho parents asked them to have them)
she would ignore them if they visited the grandkids and hardly ever spoke to them, BIL would pop round with the kids now and them to see them without her. The only time she would see them was if they went out for meals and my in laws would have to pay every single time!
They (sil/bil) spend holidays and every Xmas with her family and never ever my in laws, we have always had them to us for alternating Xmas with my parents and we have had them for holidays with them Easter etc or even abroad.
they live 10 miles from in laws now and have done for last 10 ish years. We live 4 hours away which is closest we’ve ever lived due to husbands job. All of a sudden she’s started sucking up to MIL and makes comments on fb about driving her to appointments etc..like she’s the best DIL ever…FIL has had health issues recently and I’m wondering if she’s now changing her ways as she can see they not getting any younger..both mid 70s and has her eyes on the inheritance! (Modest detached 3 bed house)
am I being horrible thinking like this? She really pisses me off, my in laws have never challenged her or my BIL as they worried she would cut them off from grandkids so they just moaned to us about them all the time instead!

OP posts:
BruFord · 23/02/2026 16:15

You might be right, but driving your MIL to appointments is presumably helpful, especially as your DH lives too far away to do that.

If she is willing to give them support, don’t knock it, because supporting parents as they age/develop health problems can be v. intense. I’m an only child so it all falls on me!

ProseccoPie · 23/02/2026 16:16

It doesn’t really matter what you think!
Youre wasting your energy on something you can’t change.
The inheritance will go wherever the in-laws decide. She might be trying to buy them….. she might just be nearer now.
You disliking her makes no difference whatsoever

Wrongsideof50 · 23/02/2026 16:28

FIL can’t drive at the moment but normally can so it’s not like she’s doing this long term, it’s only been couple of occasions..I think I just feel angry cos she’s never given them the time of day before so it feels false kindness on her part..and posting on fb feels like she’s making out to people that she’s the doting DIL
maybe im just in a funk and shouldn’t let it get to me…I just know how hurt my in laws have been over everything the last 25 years and I get frustrated that no one is ever allowed to say anything for fear of rocking the boat 🙄

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