AIBU to say no to this opportunity?

[hkathy]

I’ve only ever lived on this tiny island my whole life and never even lived outside of London, other than the three years of uni up north almost 20 years ago. DH is from France and kids have dual citizenship, and we do visit lots of places both in the UK and abroad, so it’s not like we’ve not seen the world - just not lived abroad.

DH has just been offered a permanent relocation package to Singapore! It’s far and expensive but safe, clean, great schools, kind culture, better quality of life.

But I’m comfortable in my life. I have a 3 year old and 1 year old, friends, family, job and life here. We recently moved across london and having to make a new local community was quite painful. I just want to be settled, roost, bring my kids up, and I am freaking out about the change - kind of don’t want to do it. But aibu?

Have you visited Singapore? If not, I certainly don't think you should commit to relocating there until you have.

I wouldn't relocate overseas, but I am very much a stick in the mud.

Is there any possibility of negotiating a trial period, say, six months, with your husband's employer?

You aren’t unreasonable to love where you live and feel supported by your family and friends. Would you consider visiting Singapore to see if it peaks an interest?
Would the employer offer a six month or year trial with accommodation affording you to retain your London hone and take time to decide?

Yes we visited a few years back and loved it (as a holiday and pipe dream)

If you saw it as a dream place to live before, that's promising. One question to ask yourself is, how permanent is permanent - would you see it as a forever move?

Is there anything that might cause complications further down the line - for example, if your or your DH's parents needed support in the future?

I mention this because mine are now at that stage, and although I'm still in the same country, I'm several hours' drive away which means the burden is falling heavily on my sister who is in the same town, not an ideal situation, but if I were overseas, especially at such a distance as Singapore, the problems would be even greater.

Also, do you think your children would be happy there in the very long term - what's Singapore like in terms of further education?

Bear in mind that if you and DH split up, you might not be able to take the DC away from Singapore without DH permission as they are signed up to The Hague Convention. So you would be stuck there…

What makes you think it's a better quality of life? Some elements of life are, some are not. I couldn't move anywhere that didn't have diversity of green spaces that we have so it's definitely not a better quality of life for me. Great to visit for a few days but I'd hate it for a year.