To just rant about ex

[Sausages123456]

Jeez, he drives me mad. We share kids, DS15 and DD11 50/50. He had them all half term as I had them all Oct half term.
DD has just found out she has a big piece of homework to be done for tomorrow which she hasn't done and is in bits. Well I found out she had to do it by looking on her homework app (which to be fair is very confusing).
DS has just started doing homework due in tomorrow and has 2 more lots for Tuesday. DS hates me asking him what homework he has or micromanaging him and we clash over it..but seriously FFS ex...why is it me that's got 2 stressed kids again?
This is just one example of the way we parent completely differently...it just drives me mad. DS eats his dinner in front of his PlayStation, stays up way later at his dad's, dad gives him money whenever he wants,.etc,etc
Thanks for listening

To be honest both kids are old enough to be sorting out their own homework, you really shouldn't have to be managing them like this.

Although it's frustrating that the kids are now stressing, it's not your fault. If they get into trouble they'll face the consequences at school and will hopefully learn to plan their time better going forward

Mumsnet has a Relationships forum. YABU

The thing is, you can’t change your ex and he’s your ex for a reason. You have to deal with the facts and the situation you’re in.
Being disappointed with him is wasted energy.

If you can’t trust him to check, then you check, you could have checked last Friday rather than now.

Also agree that the kids are getting older and need to take some responsibility.

Your kids are old enough to manage their own homework. If they don't do it, they face the consequences in school.

The kids being stressed is there own doing.

They aren't young kids who need managing.

Also scrolling past a post in possible if you don't want to read it

Yeah fair play, it's their responsibility, I'm just fed up of being there for the fall out of something preventable EVERY SINGLE TIME

Well maybe they need to learn the consequences. I expect, especially with the 15 year old, that they would have known they had homework to do but just couldn't be bothered to do it until you chased them up on it. You could in future leave them to it and get the detention or whatever the consequence would be.

their own fault, mine are younger 11 and 13 and i don’t remind them to do homework!

Totally agree, DS is a last minute guy and he knows the consequences, up to him when he does the homework.
DD is absolutely beside herself that she might get a detention, she is very studious, never in trouble and the homework wasn't posted in the usual area in the app. If ex had looked through he probably would have found it.

15 is quite old enough to check whether there is homework.

why should he? i dont even know my kids log ins

I completely understand where you're coming from. I am a stepparent and we had the exact same issue... homework or projects never done during Mothers time and always left last minute to do when they arrived back to us night before school.

Once my stepson was old enough we made it very clear that if it wasn't done, it didn't get done. We aren't rearranging our plans, or bending our rules (e.g. if he'd have to stay up later than bedtime to get it done). The rules at our house are - you do homework straight away and then have the rest of midterm or weekend etc. We can't impose our rules at Mums house... but we can sure as hell let stepson feel the consequences from his teachers and also my DH started noting on the App when homework wasn't complete "DSS was with Mother and no homework completed".

Stop stressing yourself out. Tell them to bugger off to their rooms and do it whilst you catch up on a TV show.

I struggle with getting my 11 year old to take responsibility for his own homework, he just really struggles and finds it so difficult. I don’t know how much you communicate with your ex but me and my husband share helping him, so ill be the one who helps him with science and making sure it gets done on time and my husband is in charge of making sure the maths gets done. My 15 year old daughter gets all her homework done without me needing to remind her but she learned the hard way and had a few homework detentions. I hope you get it sorted.

Jesus your kids are old enough to know to check surely - my 9 year old does this themself. Stop looking for reasons to lay fault to your ex and let your children learn the consequences of this. I sympathise the anxiety your eldest is potentially feeling however this is not your exes fault - tho I’m sure there are many things that are (hence the ex). Good luck.