To worry this is a cognitive issue despite my mum taking offence?

[Shuerss]

My mum, early sixties, has always been, historically, quite self conscious about how she came across. Always well presented and never wanted to
make a fuss in public. That’s not to say she didn’t stand up for herself, she did, but she was always quite discreet.

In the past few years, amongst other things, mum has become frankly rude. Taking phone calls and speaking loudly in cafes on speakerphone, if she’s annoyed with with me or my sibling (we are adults), she will publicly sit with a horrible look on her face and make loud comments about how she doesn’t like the food or whatever it is. She can also be quite unkind. She’s been unkind in the past like most of us can be from time to time but recently it’s felt like she baits us to upset us and she can be incredibly cold.

Her own mum had early on set dementia and me and sibling are worried about this. When mentioned to mum it makes her very cross and there’s no point going over it with her. What’s going on? Could it be this?

Also I should add there’s no issues with appearance she’s clean and well presented still. But her general attitude is quite unpleasant and she seems unaware of how extreme she is in public

hopeful bump

If this is a sudden change in personality I would be thinking the same as you. Unfortunately, you can't force her to go for a check up - you have voiced your worries and that's all you can do. Maybe she is secretly a bit worried too, and needs a bit of time and space to think it over? Does she have friends that she sees regularly? Could you speak to them to see if they've noticed any changes in her behaviour?

This sounds like my partner. He’s just been diagnosed with fronto temporal dementia early onset. Behavioural changes are a classic sign of this. He’s hard work and embarrassing at times.

we noticed she started using a diary and noting down things she’s done that day. Just find it very odd and her behaviour is so blatant sometimes with no awareness of how extreme she is coming across

Is it possible that she is starting to forget things and has taken to writing down what she's done so as to remind herself when she can't remember? Have you asked her?

@Endofyear she gets very funny with us if we ask. She’s also quite quick to be cold towards me and my sibling…she’s been unkind in the past but not like this and not in this public way when we are out. I don’t know about the writing down, I asked what she was writing and it was things she had done rather than things that were upcoming

My MIL had dementia and her short term memory was the first sign that something was amiss. She started not remembering what she'd done yesterday or even visits to family a few days before. Maybe your mum is experiencing something similar and is jotting down what she's done that day to look back on if she can't remember? The coldness and being unkind could be caused by changes in the frontal lobe which affects personality. Keep gently trying to get her to see the doctor or you could speak to her doctor's surgery directly and see if they could call her in for a 'routine' check up?