To want to cut off a friend because I’m tired of being treated badly whenever she’s “going through things?”

[ThisCosyBrickHiker]

I have a friend who can be very supportive and kind when things are calm. However, when she’s stressed or something is going on in her life (which she doesn’t explain, I’m just assuming), she withdraws completely. No communication, no heads up, doesn’t turn up to plans arranged previously and doesn’t let me know, just silence.

This has happened more than once. When we eventually reconnect, she’s apologetic and emotional about not being around. Says she won’t do it again but the pattern repeats.

I’m at the point where I feel like I’m collateral damage whenever she’s under pressure. I don’t think it’s malicious but it’s exhausting.

AIBU to think that if someone can’t communicate under stress, that’s enough reason to step away?

I get very like your friend when I am going through something very stressful/get depressed. I cannot help it -talking, meeting up etc just makes me feel so overwheming and seems impossible. However I would not just not turn up if we had something arranged. I would contact you well in advance and let you know or else I would turn up.

Just not turning up to a plan is not on.

It's strange that she's very supportive and kind normally, but then sometimes behaves like this. It makes me wonder if it's due to mental illness? If so I might try to compromise - always confirm plans on the day, and don't chase when she's gone quiet, but accept her when she's back.

If it's just her being thoughtless, I'd agree with cutting her off.