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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To declare your issues to work colleagues

66 replies

Daygloboo · 22/02/2026 13:40

What are the rules around this. I dont know. A few years ago, I had a manager who upset loads of people..All her issues seemed to be around a need to control absolutely every aspect of the office...especially the physical aspects. . She got worked up about mechanisms to do with the entrance door , objects in the kitchen and office itself, people's responsibilities relating to these physical aspects, etc. Would be smily and nice to people and then the next minute you'd find out she'd run off to the buildings manager complaining and telling tales about things other people had 'done'. She had unpleasant ' differences' with at least 10 people during the time she was there. In my own case, she tried at one point to get me to ' tell off' a colleague i'd always got on with for some 'misdemeanour' she'd perceived they'd 'committed' in relation to god knows what.....i cant.even remember. One day i was alone in the office with her up the other end and i think she forgot i was there. I saw her doing what looked.like ritualistic tapping with her elbows on a door. It was then everything kind of clicked and i realised she probably had OCD . Her behaviour had really got everyone's back up over the time she was there and i coulsnt help thinking how.muxh easier it would have been if we'd all known from the beginning, because then we would have better understood why she felt such an apparently overwhelming need to xontrol the office environmwt and everybody in it. And we might have been able to come up with some strategies to help her... Anyone else had this and what did you do about it. Not strictly AIBU i know but interested in your views aa people like this can really cause havic in an office.

OP posts:
Sisandbro81 · 22/02/2026 13:42

Why are you thinking of this years later out of interest?

Sisandbro81 · 22/02/2026 13:43

I saw her doing what looked.like ritualistic tapping with her elbows on a door. It was then everything kind of clicked and i realised she probably had OCD . Her behaviour had really got everyone's back up over the time she was there and i coulsnt help thinking how.muxh easier it would have been if we'd all known from the beginning,

you read a lot in to her what looked like to you her tapping her elbows on a door

Hoardasurass · 22/02/2026 13:45

So should everyone have to declare all medical issues and not be allowed any privacy or just those that you've decided have a serious MH condition?
Also its not yours or anyone else's job to come up with "coping strategies " for your boss.

Daygloboo · 22/02/2026 13:46

Sisandbro81 · 22/02/2026 13:42

Why are you thinking of this years later out of interest?

Not sure. Think i always wondered about it coz it spoilt the atmosphere in a place that was nice and had run smoothly and i wondered how common an experience it is.....and MN is a place people discuss this sort of thing. Just one of those curious niggles from the past i guess.

OP posts:
Sisandbro81 · 22/02/2026 13:47

Daygloboo · 22/02/2026 13:46

Not sure. Think i always wondered about it coz it spoilt the atmosphere in a place that was nice and had run smoothly and i wondered how common an experience it is.....and MN is a place people discuss this sort of thing. Just one of those curious niggles from the past i guess.

Even if she did have OCD, what you describe wouldn’t all remotely relate to her condition

Daygloboo · 22/02/2026 13:51

Sisandbro81 · 22/02/2026 13:43

I saw her doing what looked.like ritualistic tapping with her elbows on a door. It was then everything kind of clicked and i realised she probably had OCD . Her behaviour had really got everyone's back up over the time she was there and i coulsnt help thinking how.muxh easier it would have been if we'd all known from the beginning,

you read a lot in to her what looked like to you her tapping her elbows on a door

Edited

Honestly, if.you'd seen it i'm not sure you could have come up with another explanation.

OP posts:
Daygloboo · 22/02/2026 13:52

Daygloboo · 22/02/2026 13:51

Honestly, if.you'd seen it i'm not sure you could have come up with another explanation.

Couldn't

OP posts:
Sisandbro81 · 22/02/2026 13:53

Ok so let’s accept your conclusion that on the basis of that one elbow incident, she did have OCD….. many of the examples you give re how unpleasant she made the environment has squat all to do with OCD

Daygloboo · 22/02/2026 13:58

Hoardasurass · 22/02/2026 13:45

So should everyone have to declare all medical issues and not be allowed any privacy or just those that you've decided have a serious MH condition?
Also its not yours or anyone else's job to come up with "coping strategies " for your boss.

I get what you are saying but she upset a lot of people making other people have to argue abour things she perceived they had done wrong..'.transgressions' that were actually perfectly normal behaviour. Is that continuous stress for everybody else really preferable to people.knowing what was going on and why she was really doing it. Her need to satisfy the demands of her ocd trumped everybody else's right to feel comfortable and not constantly ' got at' ?

OP posts:
Tahio · 22/02/2026 14:03

yabu to think everyone should declare issues. It can play out incredibly badly to declare or not declare, and essentially, that's got to come down to the person, you think it would have made it easier for her and everyone in the office understanding that, but it doesn't always play out that way.

Daygloboo · 22/02/2026 14:03

Sisandbro81 · 22/02/2026 13:47

Even if she did have OCD, what you describe wouldn’t all remotely relate to her condition

I 'm not so sure. Things to be in certain places, done a certain way etc seems like ocd to me.

OP posts:
Sisandbro81 · 22/02/2026 14:13

Daygloboo · 22/02/2026 14:03

I 'm not so sure. Things to be in certain places, done a certain way etc seems like ocd to me.

Now reread your OP. There’s a lot more than just liking things in certain places.

Daygloboo · 22/02/2026 14:42

Sisandbro81 · 22/02/2026 14:13

Now reread your OP. There’s a lot more than just liking things in certain places.

But i think ocd does extend to the person with ocd needing to control the people around them...... so that those other people conform to the ' rules' the ocd person has in place concerning their environment. It's not just about obsessively washing hands and things like that.

OP posts:
YourGreenCat · 22/02/2026 14:45

we would have better understood why she felt such an apparently overwhelming need to xontrol the office environmwt and everybody in it.

completely irrelevant. It's not an excuse and doesn't justify being a nuisance full stop.

Up to her to manager her behaviour, and not to work colleagues to make adjustments. She could/should be in touch with HR if she has queries and need something, but nothing justify or excuse having an impact on your colleagues.

Sisandbro81 · 22/02/2026 14:46

Daygloboo · 22/02/2026 14:42

But i think ocd does extend to the person with ocd needing to control the people around them...... so that those other people conform to the ' rules' the ocd person has in place concerning their environment. It's not just about obsessively washing hands and things like that.

🙄

again - reread your Op. so much has squat all to do with anything other than just a fairly unpleasant individual

Sisandbro81 · 22/02/2026 14:47

You saw her tapping her elbow…. And you have diagnosed her with a serious mental health illness and explained away all her unpleasant behaviour as being a result of the mental health illness.

Stick to your day job

Daygloboo · 22/02/2026 15:01

Sisandbro81 · 22/02/2026 14:46

🙄

again - reread your Op. so much has squat all to do with anything other than just a fairly unpleasant individual

Well it's hard to describe in detail. You had to experience it i think.. but i still think ocd was the driver of her peculiar behaviours.

OP posts:
Sisandbro81 · 22/02/2026 15:02

Daygloboo · 22/02/2026 15:01

Well it's hard to describe in detail. You had to experience it i think.. but i still think ocd was the driver of her peculiar behaviours.

Right you are Doc

Daygloboo · 22/02/2026 15:06

Sisandbro81 · 22/02/2026 15:02

Right you are Doc

Well, I'm afraid if you are going to deliberately take a sarcastic attitude there's no point discussing it, is there. Perhaps read up on ocd a bit.

OP posts:
BillieWiper · 22/02/2026 15:08

I had a colleague like this and she was appalling.

Constant minutai regarding the amount of air freshener someone used in the toilets, to monitoring the toilets and timing who went in and for how long.
Obsessed with people putting things in the 'wrong' bin.
The office manager couldn't stand her.

She eventually got fired over exploding with fury that there was the 'wrong' colour paper in one of the photocopier trays for half an hour.

None of this was anything close to her remit and she was charging the company by the hour for doing this nonsense instead of her actual work.

Rizzz · 22/02/2026 15:09

Daygloboo · 22/02/2026 14:03

I 'm not so sure. Things to be in certain places, done a certain way etc seems like ocd to me.

That doesn't give her the right to bully other people or make their working lives so unpleasant.

And even if this was due to her OCD, other people aren't medically trained to understand it.

Sisandbro81 · 22/02/2026 15:10

Rizzz · 22/02/2026 15:09

That doesn't give her the right to bully other people or make their working lives so unpleasant.

And even if this was due to her OCD, other people aren't medically trained to understand it.

OP thinks she is

Daygloboo · 22/02/2026 15:19

BillieWiper · 22/02/2026 15:08

I had a colleague like this and she was appalling.

Constant minutai regarding the amount of air freshener someone used in the toilets, to monitoring the toilets and timing who went in and for how long.
Obsessed with people putting things in the 'wrong' bin.
The office manager couldn't stand her.

She eventually got fired over exploding with fury that there was the 'wrong' colour paper in one of the photocopier trays for half an hour.

None of this was anything close to her remit and she was charging the company by the hour for doing this nonsense instead of her actual work.

Well this is what i am thinking with my post really. . I am.all for supporting people with MH issues at work, but my experience led me to wonder at what point does it become too much to let one person's difficult behaviour trump everybody else's wellbeing. I mean this woman upset EVERYBODY at one time or another.

OP posts:
Sisandbro81 · 22/02/2026 15:19

Daygloboo · 22/02/2026 15:19

Well this is what i am thinking with my post really. . I am.all for supporting people with MH issues at work, but my experience led me to wonder at what point does it become too much to let one person's difficult behaviour trump everybody else's wellbeing. I mean this woman upset EVERYBODY at one time or another.

No where does this poster remotely allude to her colleague having a mental health illness was

Daygloboo · 22/02/2026 15:22

Sisandbro81 · 22/02/2026 15:19

No where does this poster remotely allude to her colleague having a mental health illness was

Her not alluding to itndoesnt mean the woman didnt have it. Flipping your lid over someth ing that trivial sounds pretty didordered to me.

OP posts: