Sleep training on a family holiday

[NavyFox]

I have just returned from holiday with little one (9m), my mum, sister, nephew (18m) and niece (10yr).

First night was fine , no problems getting little ones to sleep.

Last night I put my 9m down at 7pm. He was struggling to settle and woke once when I tried to put him in his crib. I continued to settle him and his eyes were going heavy and blinking by 740 so I anticipated putting him down again shortly.

My sister puts her 18m old to bed at 730. By 745 he was screaming but for a lengthy period. I wondered what was going on as he is quite attached to my sister so I knew he wouldn't do that if she was there. My little one was wide awake by this point. The walls were thin so noise carried.

I went out into the hall and she was sleep training him. I told her I was trying to get my little one off and he was nearly there. She told me to mind my own business and not to tell her how to be a parent , and to just get on with it. I wasn't telling her to be a parent , it's up to her on the sleep training. But I felt it was a little inconsiderate knowing my little one was being settled/sleeping in the next room.

For reference I didn't know this is what she did with her little one. A conversation could have been had and bedtimes rearranged slightly to suit.
I felt like my little one didn't matter and my hard work for the previous 45 minute was out the window. I didn't know when he was going to settle by this point esp with my sister sleep training.
My mum sided with my sister saying she was trying her best.
I drove with my baby after an argument and he slept amazing !!

What are people's thoughts on holiday dynamics with kids and sleep training?

I highly doubt there will be another holiday but it's interesting to know what other people do if multiple kids go away together!

I never even thought this would be an issue. My thoughts were that at bedtime people try and keep the noise down.

Thanks

Your sister is a bad mother and an inconsiderate travel companion.

1. Every single sleep training advice is that you do NOT sleep train on holiday. It's an unfamiliar environment and will just cause a ton of stress to the poor child.

1. You obviously don't this when there are other people there, especially another baby.

Sleep training is cruel and has long term consequences.

Sleep training on holiday is selfish and misguided, the change of routine and environment would have had a detrimental impact on that baby.

Your sister sounds unpleasant. Regardless of my feelings about CIO it’s clearly not the time to do it on holiday and he lack of consideration is hideous.

Once, I didn’t hear my son wake on the night just after we’d moved house. I think he’d been crying for 10-15 mins by the time I realised. He was in a complete state, hyperventilating on the verge of being sick. It was absolutely awful. If anyone actually say what 10
minutes of crying without comfort does to a child they’d never do it.

I would never sleep train on holiday, let alone with other families! And let's say that I did, I would have gave you a heads up to better schedule bed times.

I was on a key camp holiday, years ago, and some parents decided to let their baby cio in its bedroom. The bedroom that was nearer to me (due to the layout of the caravans) than them.

I let them know the next day that it wasn’t appropriate!

100% This !
I found this post heartbreaking to read. Poor child.

Sleep training is mean in my opinion anyway, but doing it in a strange holiday house is just a shitty thing to do and lacks common sense from
your sister

This reminds me of a mum and baby lunch where I’d walked my dd round for 40 min to get her to drop off in her pram.

Another mum arrived and proudly announced her Ds could now self settle. So she parked him in his pram next to my DD and he proceeded to scream for 10 minutes till falling asleep. Needless to say my DD was wide awake and crying at this point and no chance of getting her back to sleep.

I left.

YANBU OP. I’ve no objections to sleep training but there’s a time and a place.

She told me to mind my own business and not to tell her how to be a parent

I agree with your sister that you shouldn’t have been trying to tell her how to parent (and you were and still are by posting this thread).

I also disagree with sleep training in general and have never done it. However, sometimes desperate times and sleep deprivation makes people do things they possibly wouldn’t have done otherwise.

Not not on holiday in a strange place with other children there also trying to sleep.
That is not only cruel it's selfish and OP was right to challenge her self sister about it.

Sleep training is abhorrent but makes sense that she doesn't care about your needs or your baby's needs if she doesn't give a shit about her own child.

I'm absolutely against "sleep training" but is that actually what she was doing or was this part of the bedtime routine?

Some children cry for a bit before they fall asleep and need the time and space to have a whinge before they drop off. If this has been their routine at home then it's as important for your sister and your nephew to maintain that as it is for you to get your son to sleep.

Why does your "40 minutes of hard work" trump her hard work in creating and maintaining a predictable routine for her son? Why was the onus on her to ask about bedtimes and begin negotiations and not you?

If she decided out of nowhere that this holiday was the perfect time to launch a cry it out campaign then yes, she's being unreasonable. But if you're simply objecting to an 18mth old (so not a tiny baby) having a strop at bedtime and your sister trying to hold a boundary then I think you're the unreasonable one.

There were no problems the night before, so presumably she wasn't sleep training him that night. He probably was whinging because he was overtired.

@NavyFoxWas she sleep training as in this is the first time she's ever done it, or has she already sleep trained and this is just her method of getting him to sleep, and because they're away he's crying more than normal? If the former, it's a bit odd to start sleep training when on holiday. If the latter, she should be able parent how she wants and if that's how she gets him to sleep then so be it, although as your family she could have given you a heads up "little Johnny's bedtime is 7pm and he can scream the house down, FYI!"

im not saying you will do this - but if and when you choose to allow your child to sing on the balcony in the morning would you appreciate another guest telling you that you can't, if it's what your child loves to do on holiday and you have no issue with it?

I've been there with the child that wont sleep.
The child thst screams on holiday (and at home). The child that screams in the middle of the night - for hours, even if you are there.

The fact this didnt happened on the first night means they haven't decided to start sleep training her now, she just isnt sleeping. Cut your sister some slack.

Sleep training is a misnomer. It is cruel and uneccessary and on no account should ever be utilised. All it does is teach a child that noone comes when they need someone and to expect to be lonely and frightened.