Impossible to start a relationship with a child less man

[ThePunnyTaupeAnt]

I have found myself as a lone parent. I like a guy who wants kids and I won't be having any more due to my age and not wanting them.

Aibu in the life changing event such as becoming a single parent means it's near impossible to date.or have a solid relationship?

You must know many people who have step-parents/step-children, blended families etc. Dating if you're a single parent is certainly harder because of the responsibilities involved, but not impossible.

If he wants kids, does he mean he wants to pass on his genetics or actually wants to be a father? There is a world of difference in how men and women see "having kids" so it is a good thing to check before you date someone. Do they see the raising of them your job? Will they help with homework, holidays, housework etc or will they be upset if they don't get to create their own kid because they want to pass on genetics only?

I would struggle to date a non parent. My kids are the defining factor of my life, they're always my priority, and I don't think a non parent would get it.

If someone is a non parent by choice they are highly unlikely to want to date you anyway. Even if it’s not their choice, they might prefer to date another non parent without those sorts of responsibilities. I know I would if I ever found myself single again.

Blended families are nothing to do with having a lone parent and a non parent

Do you not have children?

It’s hard… but not impossible

Of course it’s possible to date! You might not date men who want more children because they have incompatible goals with you, but it’s possible to date men who don’t want their own children or already have as many children as they want….!

Obviously you need to date someone who doesn’t want children or who has kids but doesn’t want more. It’s the same as dating for anyone, not just single parents, you have to be on the same page for things like that.

My point is that it's entirely possible for someone who is a lone parent to meet a long-term partner. You need to find a compatible person. There are men out there who don't want children or who already have their own children and don't want any more.

What age are you OP? I’m guessing you’ll be much younger than me - I’m 42 and a single parent. I use OLD and generally match with guys 40-50. The vast majority of them do have kids. It’s unusual to find one who doesn’t

You've certainly limited your pool considerably, but you only need one.

When you say you don’t want any more kids, does a childless partner seem a better fit for you because you don’t want to be a step-parent? If there’s any element of that in your choice, I would expect that single men will often feel the same. So your pool of potential partners shrinks drastically.

I’ve been a single parent for 6 years now and I’ve kind of written myself off a bit because I always think who is gonna want do date a single mum who doesn’t ever get a break because her child’s father never has them?

It’s all very well dating when you have every other weekend free to date. A partner would know you have free time to see them and make time for a relationship. Whether the man has kids or doesn’t.

I agree. If you don't want more children do not date a man who wants children.

That man could already have children and want more or be childless and want children

Do not date either of those men if you don't want more children

No.

I think it depends on the person you meet and how old you are.

I was a single parent in my 20’s I met someone with no kids who did want children, 10 years on we are happy as larry with a child together and my eldest.

One of my childless friends met a guy with 5 kids they are now married 8 years on.

My friend in her 40’s doesn’t want children but also knows that most men she meets in their 40’s are likely to have children and she is okay with that, another who also doesn’t want children or stepchildren so she doesn’t date men that do.

I think its easier for a fellow parent to understand the commitment of a child but doesn’t mean that a relationship won’t work out if one person is childless. I think if you don’t wan’t more children and a potential partner does that will he the issue.

It depends on your age and stage in life really. For example - If you’re a single parent, and you’re mid 30s, and you don’t want any more kids, then it may be hard to find a child-free man your age who doesn’t want kids. And if you find one who doesn’t want kids, then chances are he won’t want anything to do with your child, which makes a long term commitment difficult.

I think the best partner for a single parent is probably another single parent, because then they’ll understand the priorities and challenges.

@myglowupera it can work, even if you have to wait a bit. I met my partner when my kids were 6 and 10, and they don’t have a dad so I did everything. My partner’s kids are about 10 years older, so fairly independent by the time we met. My partner worked around my schedule, and fitted in with my family life. Now 10 years on my kids don’t need me as much (at least not in a “being in the house with them” way), so my partner and I have more freedom . You just have to wait until the time is right.

I was a young single parent, so I have never been 'in line' with others my age. When I was younger no one had kids, and when I was older, mine were grown up and I didn't want anything to do with anyone with young children, as I'd been there done that and didn't want someone at a different life stage, tied down to having dependants.

As such, and I am racking my brains now, I don't think I have ever dated someone with children, whether young or grown up.

I also actively dated men who did not want children either, as I didn't want more and I was always very honest about what I did and didn't want in my future. Better to be clear about what you want/don't want from day one so no one is wasting anyone's time.

Never had any problems finding people to date, and have relationships with. But I was also generally not bothered at those times I was on my own.

No guy I've even been with ( with exception of current partner who has grown up ones in another country) have had kids

It's a no no from the start. I'd rather be single

So if a bloke has kids he either doesn't see them and is a loser ( so not interested) or is a devoted Daddy and I'm not interested in that scenario either, like having to work around someone else's kids

Since I split with my DDs dad I've had 2 long term relationships ( 10 years plus) and a couple of shorter ones including getting married onceNone of these blokes ( except current I mentioned earlier) had kids.

I've certainly not been long term single

Have you even tried to date, OP? I’m sure there are lots of men at a similar age to you who already have kids but who don’t want any more out there.

My DP (of 5 years) has no children. Not through choice (did a lot of fertility treatment with his ex wife). I have 2 dc. It hasn’t always been smooth, but he has persevered and we have gone slowly.

We don’t live together, which helps. And he knew I didn’t want more children (my youngest was 8 when we met). But we are of an age (me mid 40s and him mid 50s) that he doesn’t want his own now and had already come to terms with not having his own when we met.

I was very clear when dating that I didn’t want anymore. It definitely is possible though.

They aren't childless then are they?