In-laws treating husband differently

[Chickencuddle]

I feel so sad for my husband.
His mum and dad divorced when he was little and his mum remarried and had 2 more children. His dad remarried when he was older, around age 20.
His mum pushed him and his elder brother out of the house as soon as they turned 18. She doted and still dotes on his younger siblings who are mid/late 20s now. Still live at home. Still get huge holidays paid for do everything together. Shr buys them hugs presents for birthdays and xmas. She buys my husband rubbish small things and often forgets altogether. She never contacts us and we meet up around once a year. Which we arrange. Never sees her grandkids apart from a meal once a year. (Which they generally do pay for)
His dad has always favoured his older brother. They buy his kids way more than ours. Buying school shoes/ Easter eggs/big xmas presents/random gifts.
They will buy ours birthday and christmas but alot less money is spent and they never buy them for Easter etc.
For christmas they got my husband a couple of beer mats. For his brother they got him a big bottle of whisky. A record he really wanted and some other things I cant remember.
It was my husbands birthday the other day and they transferred £20 No card. No phone call and midway through the day sent on the grouo chat a photo of their other grandson in a batman costume they had just bought him.
My husband tries hard phoning often etc.
When we meet up they never bother much with the kids. Sit there on their ipads or watching tv and if I bring up the kids achievements they will either ignore it or find something to laugh about and bring them down.
Eg: son did amazing on an important test: "aww have you got nothing better to do than homework hahaha" son is 10

Stop comparing and take the hint.

Your DH needs to stop making an effort and focus on the important people close to him.

OP! That’s horrible, but I fear there’s nothing to be done about it. I’d be fuming on your DH’s behalf. What would they say if you actually confronted them over this? They must surely be aware of the disparities?

I think i would stop bothering with them all after explaining your sick of the noticable difference they treat dh to other siblings.

That's a difficult one. You need to let your DH decide. Does your DH want to go NC.
I'd stop taking the grandchildren to see them. Why put them in a situation that's cruel.
It's sad for your DH. Forget the gifts etc he needs to come to terms that he and his family
are not a priority to the in-laws.

Yeah. I feel like the kids are always so excited to see them abd come away deflated. We live quite far so when we come we see everyone and often meet up with everyone altogether too as well as seeing them separately. The kids love their cousins and aare always excited to go but I feel sad that they have noone who really has an interest in them.
My youngest and their youngest cousin are the same age but their youngest has autism. Last time it was their grandma's birthday they let their youngest cousin blow out the candles on the cake. My youngest was right next to them and could tell she really wanted a go. They kept relighting for their youngest cousin so he could blow them out again and again but never gave her a go and could tell she was dissapojnted. Just small things but it all adds up. They were both around 4 at the time.
They are the only grandparents they have so I think thats why I make an effort to keep the relationship going.

I'd keep kids away from GDP like that. Over time being with GDP will just make them miserable. Talk to your DH and tell him he's a grown adult and if he still wants contact after the poor way he is treated that's up to him but you don't want to watch him treated that way and now it's impacting on your DC so you and kids will not go again.

I'd have stepped in and asked 'is it x turn to blow out the candles?' It isn't a positive relationship for your children, let it go. Give back what you get.