AIBU - feeling upset that I have no time for me now

[UpsettyPants]

Not really an AIBU, but mostly here for traffic.

I'm just feeling really upset with/ about myself.

15 months ago I sent my eldest off to Uni. I was very upset about it at the time, but got over it. I have other DC still at home. One plus thing that came out of it was that I had more time for me. I lost weight, I got to go back to my hard core fitness activities, I started to look after myself with nice facials, coffee with friends, reading a book and going to the cinema. I also work 4 days a week.

So, this lasted 6 months. I got to the most amazing place in my life. I was really happy.

Then work, other commitments, elderly care, death in the family, major stress at work all kicked in.

As a result I am sitting here with my hair unwashed for 5 days, I can't remember the last time I put cream on my face, my diet has lapsed and I've now got an injury that needs treatment from hurting myself after not working out a few months.

I'm overwhelmed, run ragged and I think I'm mostly upset that I have had to put myself on the back burner whilst everyone else wants a piece of me.

My 2026 hasn't started yet. None of my goals are looked at. I don't see it ending any time soon.

AIBU to be upset that I got a few months of peace and now my life is frantic.

All you can do is cut back on what you can. Everyone isn't entitled to a piece of you. You know this, but exercise gets rid of some stress, what you eat makes a difference. Start a plan, prioritise health. If you go down, you can't give anyone, anything.

Thank you Ponoka7

I'm just having a wobble this morning.

I have to go to work in 1/2 hour. I have been up cleaning up the kitchen, put on 2 washes, sorted out the dog, now cooking elderly parents breakfast as they are sick.

Just tired and exhausted and had enough.

Could the eldery parents not get carers in?

this is something we are looking at.

What you’re identifying is that you’re close to burn out. This is not sustainable. I’m glad you’re thinking about getting carers. In the meantime, do parents actually need a cooked breakfast? Maybe their preferences need to bend too.

Parents don’t need a cooked breakfast for goodness sake! Cereal or fruit etc is perfectly acceptable and if they want more they can organise it! They are adults after all and if not able to do the basics then they need to move into a care home

Hello @UpsettyPants . Sorry to hear you are so frazzled. It sounds like a lot.

I agree you need to start delegating.

who else lives in your household?

I hope your other dc at home are helping, if not, make them. They can be getting food for grandparents?

Get social care assessment asap and pay privately if you can. If possible, pay cleaners as well.

Hope things get better soon x

That old cliche about putting your own oxygen mask on first before helping others is so true and it’s one of the most difficult things to do.

But eating poorly will sap your energy and make everything seem worse. Forgoing exercise will rob you of endorphins. Can you do something much more gentle like committing to walking everywhere you can (depends where you live obviously) to get some fresh air and daylight - so important at this time of year? Little things like making sure you quickly cleanse and slap some moisturiser on at night (nothing more than that) will make you feel better.

But yes it’s hard. Work on building a wall between work and home. You are paid to think about work when you are at work. Get some help for your parents and schedule in time for yourself and stick to it. Make sure you say yes to things which are for you and fit other stuff around that, not the other way around,

Wobbles are normal I think. Try and take it as a warning that things are off line and you need to get back on track for you, not everybody else.

On the plus side I always feel better after a bit of a wobble.