To ask what you would think to these behaviours?

[Madthings]

Posting here for traffic really but also to gain insight into what peoples thoughts may be on certain behaviours.

A child aged 9/10 who

Comments on appearances.
Swears/says shut up.
Walks in a heavy footed manner or bounds about.
Claps, hops, jumps etc as thet walk.
Moght growls, sings random bits of songs on repeat ie ooompa loompa song or 'sings' insults.

Will behave like this in any location but especially anywhere with people, slightly busy, shops,

The child in question is incredibly articulate and can be incredibly polite, to the point of sounding 'posh '. So will go from chatting away to the above behaviours.

The behaviour can seem contextual ie it will sound like he is seraring at someone, in respinse to them, and is also random (though I can spot triggers and patterns/anxiety building).

Am guessing a lot of people will think badly behaved child? Needs to learn? Some might guess autism?

Child actually has a complex profile of needs, diagnosed autistic, pda, profound sensory processing issues and tourettes, absence seizures, also on pathway re adhd.

When he was younger I think people were more tolerant and it wasnt as noticeable although the swearing from age 7 or so obviously raised eyebrows. Ironically he learnt the language at school.

But as he gets bigger obviously these kind of behaviours are not 'typical' and it does draw attention.

I let it pass me by because I am an experienced parent, I have 3 adult children, and teen. Youngest is my bonus baby in every sense of the word 🤣 I also work in complex needs education. So I am used to ALL sorts of needs and the behaviours that come with that. Most of our friends are ND families so we are in a bit of a 'bubble' of understanding.

But am aware others are not as aware.. I am hoping people are becoming more ao, but am just wondering what peoples reactions would be and what you would think/expect the parent to do when a child behaves like this?

If I saw these behaviours OP I wouldn’t think bad behaviour, I’d think ND or overstimulated/high energy child, depending what they were doing. I think there’s awareness now that kids above a certain age acting inappropriately in shops etc are probably ND, have Tourette’s or whatever.

I would probably think neurodivergence immediately. The behaviours you are describing are very different from misbehaving or rude children.

However my experience has been that it can be very intimidating when the behaviours seem aggressive (the loud stomping, shouting insults...). It just get worse as they grow I think, 9/10 is probably fine still but teens/young adults is different.
That's the reason I would look at the child, to assess the situation (particularly if I have my young kids with me, or now I'm pregnant). I guess it could come across as a judgmental look although it's not intended to.

To answer your question though, I don't know what in would expect from the parents because I know nothing about the child's condition. Maybe (probably), there is nothing to do.

I would think ND straight away but then I also have an AuDHD/PDA/Tourette's child who is now 6’1 and almost 17 but still very stimmy!

Hang in there. You'll get to a point where you don't need to explain/justify and people just get it.

For DD1, I had to 'loud parent' from about 18 months to 7. People would assume she was naughty and having a tantrum. When she got to about 7 I realised that people didn't look surprised or shocked at her behaviour anymore - they had clocked that she had SN.

Now, at 20, even when she says hello, they know.

Special needs is first thing that comes to mind. So close to home for me as my youngest is also similar and needs constant watching. Awaiting CAMHS assessment still....

I would think ND but I would also be looking at how the behaviour is handled and whether the child is safe or not.

Essentially a lot of the behaviours I have to ignore, anything tic related which is LOTS of it. So swearing, clapping, stomping etc. It just 'is'.

If I feel things are escalating we move away from others, ie if we are inside we go outside.

Essentially 'handling it' is me supervising ie being right there with him. He always has an adult with him, generally me unless with his EOTAS package and then he has two adults.

But I don't tell him off or comment innthr swearing, depending on location, those around us I might model an appropriate way of saying what he is saying if his language is PDA shock language, trying to shut down demand. Or I will articulate in a more polite way what I think he is feeling/nothing him. So the other day we had to queue briefly in a post office and he was stimming, tics etc which included saying stuff like 'shut the f up' 'you are a poo everyone hates you'. So i kind of did a commentary on yes I know its hard to wait, I am nearly done, I just need to wait for the man to weigh my parcel.'
When I do this I sm often talking more to the audience, out loud nor directing at my son. I use declarative language and this let's him know what is happening without telling him to stop what he is doing directly and hopefully avoids it escalating.

But I wont tell him off in any typical sense or say dont swear, dont say that, thats not kind etc as will make the behaviours worse.

My ds is 10 and autistic, he can throw himself to the floor and meltdown like he did when he was 2 . Tbh I find we get more sympathy now as people guess something is not right for him to be behaving that way.

And yes at times the behaviours can seem aggressive if he is getting very overwhelmed. So lots of managing and keeping him away from others, finding space as necessary. Distracting, snacks etc to avoid the meltdown.

He will hit, throw things generally directed at me, the adult looking after him or he may hit himself, has headbutted walls etc, so at any sign of escalation we move away from people and thats often what he needs.

But he can bolt and run away, he climbs and can be unsafe that way. Obviously I just run with him. He is never without an adult.

I’d think they are seeking attention.

Yes this was exactly what happened in school for years. And the judgement snd 'consequences' for that damaged his self esteem hugely.

Actually he often does NOT want attention at all tbh but his behaviours draw attention.

As an example we nipped into town this afternoon. This took much planning and prep. I had a few things to get from sainsburys, literally aborio rice, cheese, vanilla, he was stimming the whole way round. Middle finger tic commenting on smells as we went round, and then at till in-between asking him me about security tags on the bloke behind us steak, he was randomly singing the ooompa loompa song then 'shut the f up bitch' then conversation carries on...

I think it is as he gets bigger getting more obvious he has needs. So hopefully we wont encounter too much judgement.

The running away bit is the part that would worry me as an onlooker. Not in judgement but as to whether the parent is ok and whether they are managing the situation (in that the child isn't going to run in and out of cars in the road...something I have seen a sen child do on the way to school).

Thankfully I am a runner, I run for my mental health. But it does mean I am fit enough to chase! Because yes he would run into roads etc. If I am ill, my asthma is flaring it is a nightmare, but tbh I wouldnt take him out if I wasn't well enough to manage him. If I needed help I would absolutely shout/ask members of public if I had to.

I am more fortunate than many parents because I work in complex needs school I have had training in how to safely manage physical behaviours but ultimately he is going to get bigger than me and the teen years looming does worry me.

I am glad you are fit enough to keep up with them and have strategies you can use. I did feel for the parent when they really didn't know what to do about their child running off.

@Moonnstarz yes its incredibly hard for parents they are just left to get on with it. My child has to be 2 to 1 for education because of risk, with eotas yet the rest of the time I am expected to be on my own with him and his siblings, zero support. As I said I am more fortunate because of my job in having training.

But it appaling that parents are not given support and appropriate training. My local authority did used to offer some training if necessary via childrens services but they dont any longer.

DS is autistic so I'd wondered if the child in question was before you confirmed it.

Tbh I'm too focused on DS when out and about to worry about what other children are up to! I do worry occasionally about being judged, especially as DS chews holes in his clothes and refuses to get changed regularly so is often in a hoody bordering on being rags. Generally people have been fine though. I do try and gently discourage him from info dumping on random strangers at bus stops.

@EilonwyWithRedGoldHair yes ti being so focused in your own child that you dont notice others!

My son has hair down to his waist and only ever wears shorts all year round. And has 10 of the same t shirt so I always used to comment to school or on photos yes it looks like he wears the same clothes every day but we have multiples of the same item 🤣 and I always carry a coat with me...

Lol at the info dumping. That is my 17 yr old. Small will also randomly talk to people but saves info dumping for those he knows use. Generally when we are out he struggles with any interactions tbh.

It can feel very hard when its like the world just doesnt 'get' your child. And i worry for future and how vulnerable he is. But we navigate it as we go!