I can't see how 'cheating' can be compared to 'driving'

[exhaustDAD]

A long-standing debate between a fellow MN-er and me is the following:
I believe that cheating is a choice. Calling it a mistake or accident is just simply taking the ownership out of it. A mistake is lifting something that is way too heavy for you, making you strain your back. Nobody accidentally falls out of their clothes and falls onto someone's naked body genitals first. Yes, there are details, like being drunk, not being drunk, having an unhappy marriage, non-existent sex life at home, whatever it is. It's different for everyone, and yet, it is always a CHOICE. A DECISION being made by the cheater. ALWAYS.

The fellow MN-er thinks there is a valid comparison between cheating and driving, as according to them 'people accept the risks of an accident every time they decide to drive', too. I just can't entertain the comparison. Driving and any potential accident depends on so many things, a myriad of factors beyond our control. Here is a quote from them as insight to their thinking: "Hmm… by your “not a mistake” logic, if someone runs out in front of your car and you hit them, that’s not an accident because you chose to get into the driver’s seat."

And I am sorry, the decision to cheat is ONLY with us, it doesn't matter is someone throws themselves at you, or you pursue to cheat actively, the decision is ours and ours alone. It is not comparing like-for-like.

So. AIBU for not seeing the two being compared?

they aren't remotely the same thing. Cheating is ALWAYS a conscious choice.

And, to use the analogy of the 'accident' of someone running out and getting hit by a car.. there will still usually be someone to 'blame'.. either the driver for lack of due care and attention, or the pedestrian for not looking and stepping out. Someone made a shitty decision to cause it.

Maybe I see the other pov if talking about drinking and cheating and driving.

As in you take the risk when drinking in the same way as you take the risk when driving.

Drinking mutes your inhibitions and it is possible to have one too many and make an accidental bad decision - I did when I was younger, it wasn't a choice in the way you describe, it was an accident (the cheating, not the drinking - the drinking was the choice)

But outside of mind altering substances, then I agree with you, and cheating is a choice. The same choice as driving fast through a full school playground - hitting someone then would be something you chose to do and not an accident.

Why would you waste your time arguing with someone about this?

They're obviously just a bit thick.

I guess, I am not much better either, @Idontspeakgermansorry . The completely broken way one can view this is intriguing to me, I suppose.

I absolutely agree, it is always a conscious choice.

I think there’s a lot of grey areas, a lots of understandable explanations, and most people who do it are just human and not bad people. But it is always a choice.